I like what pregnant@40 says - I had some similar experiences to the OP with my first birth, almost 6 years ago, and while I am modulating my expectations somewhat for this upcoming birth, I also think that my husband --and our relationship -- has matured to the point where I will be able to count on him more.
I also want to mention that for him, seeing me in intense pain and not knowing what to do about it (and reverting to his usual "meds will fix it!" thought pattern, despite knowing that I wanted to try for a natural birth) was difficult/confusing for him and he just sort of shut down. We did a birth class but I think he couldn't remember any of the coaching stuff they told him when it came down to it; he just sort of blanked. He said something about it being like an exam for which he forgot all the answers. I ended up having an epidural, a high fever, and lots of complications, with my daughter having to be in the NICU for a couple extra days. (Also, his **crazy** mom was in the hospital during my labor and he kept having to go out and check on her because she was being such an emotionally-manipulative pest; she will NOT be there this time and anyway their relationship has matured and he's set healthier boundaries by this point too.)
I know what to expect more from him now -- that he may not be 100% comfortable with me being in pain and trying to do it without medications, that he might "check out" a bit -- and he knows more what to expect from birth now. I've explained to him the risks of epidurals and that it might have been connected to our daughter's stay in the NICU (though we don't know for sure), so I think he understands more why I want to try to avoid interventions. I think he also understands that I felt inhibited by his mom's presence (my parents were there too, and that actually didn't help much either), and gets the whole "birth space" thing a little more now - and I do too.
I do think you should do counseling if you can (we went through it for other but related issues after DD was born), and I also think that parenting, time, and open communication will help you both.