I need your advice, mommies~

[EveningGoddess]

hey there.
i need your help.
i'm feeling more than conflicted about this,and it's hurting.
i have an incredible 2 and a half year old son, and i also have major depression and ptsd.i have not been formally diagnosed with chronic fatigue or fibromyalgia, but i'm going to see a doctor finally about it on the 30th, because i have symptoms of both big time.
i have the option right now to put him in preschool.we qualified for subsidy, and in order to qualify, he'll have to be in care for a minimum of five hours a day.
i have plans to take part in a treatment study,as well as a DBT therapy group, i also have weekly therapy appointments.
ussually, my partner has to take time off work for me to go to appointments, as well as times that i am really not doing well, he stays home and takes our son to the park and plays around. (his work is very flexible).
~this bring me a lot of shame,because all i care about is being a good mum,but sometimes i am feeling so gross and i'm PHYSICALLY aching,and i think my son deserves an adventure every day.

i want to have my babe home with me all the time.
i'll miss him (boo-now i'm crying-.)
but i also know he deserves better than just me all day (on my bad days at least)
i just don't know what to do.

what would you do?if you just weren't well and you had the option for a day care?
i feel like a bad mum.
i'm sorry,i'm really not getting my words out properly my throat chakra is so blocked i can feel it.

i just don't know what to do.

[Belia]

First of all, It sounds like you are going through a very hard time and are trying to do your very best for your son. You sound like a very good mom.

I stayed home with my DS for his first year, then returned to work FT. I, too, was very apprehensive about putting him in school, and he was considerably younger that your boy. But we researched and found a Montessori program and hoped for the best.

And DS LOVES IT. He is absolutely THRIVING. He loves interacting with the other kids, and having the run of a huge room where everything is just his size, and playing outside and painting and doing crafts and riding tricycles and all of it. They do so much neat stuff there that I do not have the ability, patience, or tolerance-for-mess to do. We have seen him grow and develop by leaps and bounds. Basically, when I arrive to pick him up, all of the kids run to me for a hug and DS runs AWAY so he can keep playing.

If we had all the money in the world, I would quit my job, like, YESTERDAY but I would still send DS to this school for half days 3-5 days a week. He is just thriving and doing so well and having so much fun.

So you never know- it could be a blessing in disguise. Peace to you, mama, no matter what you decide.

[zoebird]

i agree with the PP. it can be a great blessing.

I feel similar, in that we are looking at sending DS to kindy next year (kindy starts at 3 here). it would probably be two half-days per week. it will be waldorf, so i know natural and within how i parent, so i'm not terribly worried, but i still have separation anxiety!

But, i think this will be healthiest for you and your son. You can take care of yourself, so that when you are together, you can really give him those adventures that you want to give him. Keeping things as they are means that there is no change. So this is only for the positive.

And when you are well, you can decide to keep him in or take him out, depending upon how you feel.