Quote:
|
Originally Posted by zinemama
 To be honest, this doesn't sound like a psychological issue to me - as in, he's got "issues" - although of course, I could be completely wrong.
To me it sounds like this is a child who has figured out a very effective way of getting exactly what he wants, and whose parents have played right along. And now, after five years, you are paying the price. As you saw from the instance in which you and your dh put your feet down about him getting in your bed, when you actually set boundaries and expectations and are firm about them, he is quite capable of understanding and adjusting his behavior. I'm not trying to be harsh here; I can understand how initially it must have seemed easiest and perhaps more "natural" to accomodate your son's inclination never to be away from you. But as you and your dh recognize, enough is enough, and the behavior you describe would be enough to make any parent frustrated and angry. I think you would be doing your ds a great disservice (not to mention your family as a whole) by allowing him to skip kindergarten this year. Because in the absence of any other changes in your parenting, you'll be in the exact same boat when next September rolls around. My advice: send him to kindergarten. Whether he is screaming or tantruming or whatever, let him know that he is going. Pick him up and put him in the car. Carry him screaming from the car into the classroom. Kiss him goodbye and leave quickly. I would be very surprised if this boy who you describe as sweet, enthusiastic and gentle does not calm down quickly and begin to display those very qualities. I'm not doubting that your son's anxiety about being separated from you is real. After all, he's been given no opportunity to gently and naturally become used to smaller separations from his parents over the past five years. But I also think that he will be just fine once you allow him to learn that a short separation from you is ok and even enjoyable. Best of luck. (Now, if weeks go by and he screams the entire time he's in kindergarten, sure, an evaluation is in order. But I don't think this should be your first step.) |
I heard back from the teacher. She said that she was watching my interactions with DS for the two days I was there with him, and her opinion is that my uneasiness about leaving him is the crux of the problem. She said this very gently, also assuring me that it was only her opinion based on what she witnessed over a short period of time. She also sent me a couple articles about the issue, and I have to say that they were dead on correct in describing exactly what has been going on in our family for so long. She suggested that we drop DS off 30 minutes before school starts. She will meet us in the office and give DS lots of love and support when we leave, and will let him feel all of his emotions. I can call throughout the day to see how he is doing. We will do this for a week, and if DS still has difficulties we will consult a behaviorist. The teacher said that in all her years of teaching she has never had to refer a child like DS to a behaviorist. I really trust her and her assessment. I would be much more wary with a new teacher, or one who wasn't so wonderful with children. But I know that DS will be safe with her. I just have to be strong and transmit that confident feeling to him. He is sick today (no not faking it) so I think we will have to make Tuesday the "Big Day."
She really worked some magic on him! She knew that DS could do it when I was very doubtful that he could. I have really learned to have much more confidence in my kid. He really will not fall apart if he's pushed to do uncomfortable things. He may even end up enjoying himself!
