A major hurdle when trying to understand our babes is that each time they go through major (and sometimes minor!) physical or cognitive developmental changes their cues to us change. We can view this with frustration and see it as an inconvenience or we can see it as an opportunity to reconnect with and strengthen our bond with them. My DS is now 27 months and here is what I've done when I've felt clueless as to what he wants and needs.
First, I prep a day or two ahead of time. I get caught up on any pressing household chores, be it laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping etc. Then I make up a days worth of food that can be pulled out with ease and has little in the way of clean up. Now for the fun part. Spend an ENTIRE day focused on your little one. No worrying about finances, other things you should be doing, or daydreaming about whatever you daydream about. No jumping on the computer to check e-mail or texting your partner or friends.
Focus. Engage. If your DD is crawling/walking from room to room, just follow along and watch. Don't try to lead. If she looks up at you, smile and continue watching. Focus on her body language, her facial expressions, noises. Just before she starts to fuss did you notice a change in these things? Maybe it was a cue that she was getting bored and looking for a new activity. Check her diaper often so you know immediately when she has peed or pooped. Did she make some grunts and then start fussing? Maybe she squirmed around a bit and then she was wet. Pull out a snack after a while and see if after she eats she gets a little less fussy. Again, engage with her but make sure she is doing the leading as much as possible so you learn her cues.
You may find after doing this that your night time questions are answered a little better too. I co-sleep and could tell the difference in my little one's body movements. There were definite differences for "I'm hot/cold" versus "my diaper is wet, " etc.
When you don't have time to do a full day focus on your DD but you are both frustrated by your inability to figure out what she needs, take a deep breath, get down on her level, and gently say "Mama doesn't know exactly what you need right now but I do want to figure it out. Let's work together until we do." The proceed to calmly try different things. It feels good to say it out loud and often a calm, sincere tone will calm a little one even if they don't understand exactly what you were saying.
Finally, take it easy on yourself. You want to understand and that is important. Sign language and verbalization will make it easier at some point but there are limits to that as well so just keep working at it. You can do it!
