placement!

[griffin2004]

I have been licensed as a foster parent with an approved adoption home study for 2 very l-o-n-g years. We had a brief and very messy placement last August but haven't heard anything for nearly a year.

Just this afternoon, we were selected as the prospective adoptive placement for a delightful 3 y.o. girl. We met her tonight at the park and will get her tomorrow. She is not legally free, but a termination trial is scheduled before the end of the year.

She's been bounced around a lot between mom and grandma and 2 foster homes in her short life. An attachment therapist is already assigned to the case which strikes me as a very good idea given her background.

My 7 y.o. DD is over the moon at the prospect. I'm half over the moon and half slightly terrified (but in a good way).

Just when I was about to give up on the entire project, along comes the Divine Miss!

[queenjane]

Thats terrific! Congrats!!

Its really impressive that they recognize the potential for attachment issues and will be addressing it. My little girl has been in and out of foster care, with multiple placements (and removed from nearly each one for "behaviors" which i didnt find out til she was placed with me!) throughout her 8 yrs old life, and yet she has had very little therapy. Much better to work on it at 3 yrs old!

Can't wait to hear all the little details, i love this stuff!

[griffin2004]

Thanks for the congrats. I can't believe how different our lives are going to be 12 hours from now. And how much I have to do to get ready!

I was surprised by the assignment of the therapist, too. I'm completely receptive to the guidance. I was up to speed on it when DD came home but that's been a while ago and she was a baby.

I'm very much "once bitten, twice shy" after our experience last year. But as I told DD tonight, we'll love the Divine Miss and take the best care of her for the time we have her, whether it's for a few months or for forever.

[SundayCrepes]

Congratulations.

[HeatherAtHome]

Congrats!

[sagewinna]

Congratulations!

[RedOakMomma]

Congratulations! How's it going?

[WifeMomChiro]

Congratulations!

[pumpkingirl71]

Congratulations

[griffin2004]

Thanks, everyone. We're at Day 3 and things are going well. She is a glorious girl and it's clear she has been well-loved and well cared for at various points in her life.

Does anyone have good resources for toddler/preschooler attachment issues? I'd appreciate the referrals. My previous reading on the subject all related to babies rather than verbal children.

She seems very happy and gregarious, but not cuddly. She's asked for a hug/kiss at bedtime, reached up to me to carry her downstairs last night, and asks me to sing her to sleep. I think these are good glimmers, but she has had so much abandonment and placement bounces and broken promises in her short life that I know we have miles to go to help her be comfortable giving and receiving love and not waiting for the other shoe to drop.

1 day or hour or minute at a time!

And may I just say wow re: the transition from 1 to 2 children?!?! I mentioned that to a friend who is a single mother of preschool twins. She texted back, "ha!" Funny!

[zombie]

Have you read Toddler Adoption by Mary Hopkins-Best? Really great book.

http://www.amazon.com/Toddler-Adopti...2609653&sr=8-1

[griffin2004]

I haven't, but I'll track it down. Thanks for the lead.

[christophersmom]

Congratulations! Best of luck and how exciting!

We got a 5 month old and she was well taken care of but the first two to three months she would go to anyone, showed no preference, and showed no real affection. She also never laughed for us, but would laugh for DS from the start. But, then all of the sudden, she really started preferring me and hubby and woudl laugh for us and now gives lots of hugs and kisses. I realized that she just might not have been used to getting hugs and kisses regularly. In DH's family they were not affectionate at all. A lot different due to age, but don't push affection initially, take that part slow. She will probably take to your DD before you guys.

[Sierra]

My biggest recommendation is to work on forming a mutual attachment in a therapeutic setting. I am not talking about controversial "attachment therapies" for kids who have attachment disorder, many of which aren't actual therapies or therapeutic methods anyway. No, I am talking about a family therapist who specializes in adoptive families and is experienced working with toddlers and preschoolers together with their parents in a play-based setting. Your darling girl has wounds that go very deep, and in my opinion, trying to treat them alone at home is like trying to bandage up someone with a bad bullet wound in your living room. You both deserve more help!

I have a dd who has some attachment issues (not disorder, but some trust stuff that comes up around attachment). In her case, though we didn't complete her adoption until she was three years old, she *did* come to us as a baby. She had a VERY rough first six months of life, and then she came to us. Even as a baby she did not like to be held or cuddled. Looking back, I can see that this made attaching to *her* more difficult for *me.* Challenges in attachment are often a dynamic, not just a one-way street. We ended up doing therapy (PCIT-A) when she was around two years old, and it helped *all* of us immensly.

We also played lots of bonding games, especially around food. My dd would pretend, for example, that she was a baby bird and I was the mama bird. I would drop little pieces of food in her mouth and she would giggle. This was a time of safe closeness that was in a short-burst. In those moments, she knew what to expect and had some measure of control (and we always let her choose how long to play), but she could express some dependence on us for those moments in the game.