Sorry for such a long post, but I want to be specific so I can get honest responses. Any wisdom is greatly appreciated! Here is our situation.
DD is 2 1/2. She has always needed to us to fall asleep (and consequently, usually throughout most of the night, too, but that's an entire other post). We never would do CIO and it just made sense to me to parent her to sleep gently. Until the age of 20 months, I simply rocked her or held her on my chest as she fell asleep, and it was nice, but we felt she reached an age that we should no longer hold/rock her.
We moved her into a toddler bed (around 20 months) at which point either DH or myself would lay next to her until she falls asleep. This takes usually 1 1/2. Additionally, DD uses us as her "lovey" meaning she likes to gently rub our arm to help her fall asleep. It gets really annoying, but at the same time, it's comforting to her and a major habit now. She also uses a paci.
Some nights it's as if her body simply cannot be still. As if she has so much energy racing through her little muscles, and despite us repeating " close your eyes and relax til you fall asleep" it's as if her body simply cannot, without taking hours. I feel terrible because DD isn't trying to be difficult- she is trying, trying, trying to go to sleep. We've tried melatonin, and it does help, but don't think it's a good idea to give it to her on a continuous basis.
She naps for usually 1.5-2.5 hours, but not usually past 3/3:30. Bedtime starts around 8:30.
We've really reach a point of desperation. We need a change but don't know what to do. Her bedtime rut causes A LOT of tension between DH and me. He is mostly the parent who puts her sleep (I'm with our baby during this time) and he is really, really frustrated with the situation and it comes through in the way he speaks to her, which bothers me greatly. I constantly remind him to use a gentle, but firm tone, and he realizes that, but still gets so irritated when he's laid in there for nearly 2 hours and she's still flopping around, awake.
"Every child her age just plays themselves to sleep! This is ridiculous!" he says. I remind him that many do, but many kids need a parent, too (or so I think, although none of the families around us are dealing with nightime issues). He doesn't believe me because he hears from so many of our friends and family who brag about how their kid just gets plopped in the crib and they chatter to themselves until falling asleep!
Here are my major concerns: that we have screwed her up in the falling-to-sleep department and that our intention to gently parent her to sleep has instead created a child who just can't fall asleep without us...ever. The best of intentions, the worst of results.
Also VERY concerned that our idea of "gentle" has turned into a pair of arguing, at-wit's-end parents which comes through in the way we react to these 1-2 hour bedtime dramas. So what if we didn't make her CIO when she was a baby if our frustration with the situation results in yelling at her to fall asleep! How terrible is that?
What can we do? Please share your thoughts, suggestions, experiences. Thank you!
DD is 2 1/2. She has always needed to us to fall asleep (and consequently, usually throughout most of the night, too, but that's an entire other post). We never would do CIO and it just made sense to me to parent her to sleep gently. Until the age of 20 months, I simply rocked her or held her on my chest as she fell asleep, and it was nice, but we felt she reached an age that we should no longer hold/rock her.
We moved her into a toddler bed (around 20 months) at which point either DH or myself would lay next to her until she falls asleep. This takes usually 1 1/2. Additionally, DD uses us as her "lovey" meaning she likes to gently rub our arm to help her fall asleep. It gets really annoying, but at the same time, it's comforting to her and a major habit now. She also uses a paci.
Some nights it's as if her body simply cannot be still. As if she has so much energy racing through her little muscles, and despite us repeating " close your eyes and relax til you fall asleep" it's as if her body simply cannot, without taking hours. I feel terrible because DD isn't trying to be difficult- she is trying, trying, trying to go to sleep. We've tried melatonin, and it does help, but don't think it's a good idea to give it to her on a continuous basis.
She naps for usually 1.5-2.5 hours, but not usually past 3/3:30. Bedtime starts around 8:30.
We've really reach a point of desperation. We need a change but don't know what to do. Her bedtime rut causes A LOT of tension between DH and me. He is mostly the parent who puts her sleep (I'm with our baby during this time) and he is really, really frustrated with the situation and it comes through in the way he speaks to her, which bothers me greatly. I constantly remind him to use a gentle, but firm tone, and he realizes that, but still gets so irritated when he's laid in there for nearly 2 hours and she's still flopping around, awake.
"Every child her age just plays themselves to sleep! This is ridiculous!" he says. I remind him that many do, but many kids need a parent, too (or so I think, although none of the families around us are dealing with nightime issues). He doesn't believe me because he hears from so many of our friends and family who brag about how their kid just gets plopped in the crib and they chatter to themselves until falling asleep!
Here are my major concerns: that we have screwed her up in the falling-to-sleep department and that our intention to gently parent her to sleep has instead created a child who just can't fall asleep without us...ever. The best of intentions, the worst of results.
Also VERY concerned that our idea of "gentle" has turned into a pair of arguing, at-wit's-end parents which comes through in the way we react to these 1-2 hour bedtime dramas. So what if we didn't make her CIO when she was a baby if our frustration with the situation results in yelling at her to fall asleep! How terrible is that?
What can we do? Please share your thoughts, suggestions, experiences. Thank you!
I know people who swear by it, and far be it from me to stop someone from getting their child to sleep, but I know when I realized it was a hormone I decided I'd rather go to a sleep consultant before trying it. I just think sometimes it's touted as, I dunno, something a little stronger than chamomile tea and I think it's more than that.
