Menarche Party

[Jyotsna]

My daughter is 10 and just started her period yesterday. We want to have a Menarche or Red party. If you have done this for your daughter, can you share the details?

Thanks

[Linda on the move]

We didn't do a party, but I gave each of my girls a pretty box and stickers to decorate the box, and filled it with a variety of products (both natural and not) so they could figure out what they liked.

I got the boxes and stickers at Micheals, and while it sounds like a small thing, they really like them. I put in a handheld mirror in so they could figure out tampons.

Both my girls are very private and we don't have extended family around, so a party would have been odd. The box was a way of marking the change and talking frankly about the machinics of personal hygiene as a woman.

[whatsnextmom]

My DD is very private too. She is 13 and hasn't started yet but man, I think she'd die if I tried to throw her a party. Maybe it's an age thing... a 10-year-old might be more open to the idea.

A friend gave her DD a lovely butterfly necklace as a transitioning symbol. I thought that was nice.

[crystal_buffaloe]

My DD is 3 months, so I don't have to worry about this for a bit, but I just wanted to say that when I started my period, my mom and I dressed up and went out for fancy dinner

[mtiger]

A lot depends on what you mean by a "party".

[luvmybaby333]

My mother wanted to throw me a "welcome to womanhood" party and invite all her friends from the lesbian community. I was 10 years old when I started, as well. I was horrified at the thought. I know it was an exciting time for her, but I was bleeding and cramping... and I was going through changes that most of my peers wouldn't have to worry about for a couple more years. It wasn't exactly something I felt like sharing with all our friends. IYKWIM.

I think maybe a gift basket of "new woman" products would be nice. Maybe you could do something special just the two of you, like have special lunch together or something. But I would definitely seek her input before planning a menarche party for her. Some girls would be fine with it, and some girls are not.

In any case, congrats on your new woman!

[sewchris2642]

My girls would have died and disowned their parents if I had tried to do that. Their getting their periods were treated matter of factly and casually. Here's what you do. What brand do you want me to get you and tell me when you run out.

[Jyotsna]

Actually, my daughter wants to have a party...with close friends (who have had their period and close women. I'm happy she wants to. I'll not have a party during her period, afterall she has some getting use to do.

[greenmama]

I had always planned to give dd a party but as we get closer, I doubt that she would want that. I plan to give her a piece of jewelry with a pearl and some red roses, symbolizing eggs and blood. I had always intended to give her cloth pads as I used them for over a decade, but I actually got tired of dealing with them and are currently using disposable, so I doubt I will give them to her, but she knows it is an option. I would at least offer some and explain the advantages and disadvantages.

[crystal_buffaloe]

Originally Posted by sewchris2642

Here's what you do. What brand do you want me to get you and tell me when you run out.

No hugs, no nothing? How would she know what brand she wants if this is her very first period? Probably this depends on the kid to a great extent, and I'm sure age has a lot to do with it as well, but for me, when I started my period in 5th grade, this would have seemed very cold.

[sewchris2642]

Originally Posted by crystal_buffaloe

No hugs, no nothing? How would she know what brand she wants if this is her very first period? Probably this depends on the kid to a great extent, and I'm sure age has a lot to do with it as well, but for me, when I started my period in 5th grade, this would have seemed very cold.

But the first period is at the end of a long, on-going conversation about growing up. It didn't just happen out of the blue. Before they got their first period, I ask which product they wanted to start out with. They all chose pads. I bought the brand that I had the least objection to. Joy tried them, suggested another brand. We bought that one. I kept buying brands until Joy found one that she liked. Same with tampons when she started swimming. Erica tried Joy's brand first then we found one that she liked. Same with Angela.

We also tend to be very matter of fact about most things. So, in that regard, yes, it is a matter of personality and family dynamics.

[gentlestrengths]

Honestly, I don't feel all "mushy, gushy" about my daughters getting their period, or needing a bra, or shaving or anything either. When I was a kid, I was totally embarrassed that my mom was all excited about it. My sister was as well. My dd is almost 10. We talk about periods, and bras and such on a pretty regular basis now. I try to just throw it in randomly, sometimes in silly ways, just so that it is not a big deal, not horrifying, not scary, not gross, not embarrassing to just bring up randomly. I can't imagine hugging my daughter unless she was crying about it (when she gets it). Honestly, getting my period wasn't this "Yay, I'm a woman!" experience for me - it was "wow, eww, this is..uhh, different." I was glad I was like every other woman - but I still felt the same. It's just not the biggest deal - just part of growing up.

That being said - I DO want to make her feel loved, and comfortable with discussing womanly topics with me. I do plan on picking out different pads (uhh, 10??? Maybe I should have some now?? I was 13!!) and letting her pick and choose.

[goldenwillow]

Wow!

I think this is a really nice idea... but geez.... I would have ran from that as a kid! I was self conscious about getting a bra for Christmas at that age!

Maybe your daughter is at peace with her body, if so, good for her! I wasn't at that age!!

I like the idea of dressing up and going to dinner with Mama.

[Earthy Birthy]

I have a 10 year old who is definitely showing some signs of beginning puberty. Here's what I'm planning for her (and yes, she is the type who will love the attention):

*Buy a stash of cute organic cloth pads. I like these: Lunapads Organic Deluxe Teen Kit
*A family dinner that week to celebrate dd and to have an open family discussion about menstruation. (I realize this wouldn't work for every family or every girl, but that's how we roll.)
*Plan a simple red-themed candlelit party with women friends who can share the stories of their first periods and words of wisdom.

Also, I have been wanting to get this book: My Little Red Book, and this site has some interesting ideas on how to celebrate menarche: Perfect Pads.

Good luck to you and your daughter! I wish that the women in my life had been more open and a lot less embarrassed about the changes I was going through at that time in my life. I hope to make it a much better experience for my own daughters.

[karne]

I'm just wondering, for those familiar w/cloth pads, how they fare in real life? Do they shrink, fade, or get out of shape and ratty looking after being washed/dried? I love the lunapads site, and the teen stuff looks very cool, but I'd love some real world experiences!

[Penny4Them]

A beautiful article appeared about this very topic in Mothering earlier this year called Maiden's Moon, I think it was March/April issue. (Also a great article about Cloth pads too.) It was inspiring, and made me mourn my own experience with my menarche, and dream new hopes for my daughters as they approach menarche. I realized I had a lot of shame about mine, and even though my mother did talk me thru it, she focused on the pad/tampon part and not the blossoming significance.

To me a girl getting her first period the primary focus shouldn't be on what personal products to use. That was how I was raised and it breaks my heart that we only focus on the blood part of the blossoming. It should be about being in charge of our own body and caring, nurturing and loving ourselves, about hormonal shifts and the innate power and wisdom of our bodies that change every day of the cycle.

I once overhead 2 young girls (maybe 11 or 12 yo.) in a public bathroom talking about how one of the girls JUST that very moment got her period. (Moms were not there.) They were SO excited and celebratory about it, hugs and everything. I was so moved by their example. These girls inspired me to be open with my daughters from a young age and to aspire that one day my girls will embrace this stage of womanhood with a sense of wonder and pride, not shame and silence.

I just read the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility and learned a ton of things myself (and I have 3 kids) so that I can talk about EVERYTHING to do with my girls' transitions. Not just about periods, but about the hormonal ebbs and flows of the cycle. I think the more we know about our bodies, the more connected we will be to virginity, and treat that like a sacred special thing to be celebrated too.

[Earthy Birthy]

Originally Posted by karne

I'm just wondering, for those familiar w/cloth pads, how they fare in real life? Do they shrink, fade, or get out of shape and ratty looking after being washed/dried? I love the lunapads site, and the teen stuff looks very cool, but I'd love some real world experiences!

There are tons of threads about using cloth over on the Natural Body Care forum.

[SamuraiMom]

I posted this a few years ago, and was told how disgusting the idea was... but I'm sharing it again anyway My neighbors had a party for their DD when she got her period and they invited us (me and my eldest DD) and we all wore red and shared our experiences of when we each started out periods, and I think there were gifts, and then one of the moms had made little "pads" out of sponge cake and we all made our own strawberry shortcake desserts. We all thought it was fun and funny, I guess it depends on the sense of humor of the women involved.

[ASusan]

Originally Posted by SamuraiMom

I posted this a few years ago, and was told how disgusting the idea was... but I'm sharing it again anyway My neighbors had a party for their DD when she got her period and they invited us (me and my eldest DD) and we all wore red and shared our experiences of when we each started out periods, and I think there were gifts, and then one of the moms had made little "pads" out of sponge cake and we all made our own strawberry shortcake desserts. We all thought it was fun and funny, I guess it depends on the sense of humor of the women involved.

This is great. I'm actually laughing out loud! You're right - fun and funny.

[Ninibini]

I second the suggesstion for My Little Red Book. It's a collection of menarche stories. If you search past Mothering magazine articles you can find a couple of articles on menarche gatherings. InMyRedTent.Blogspot.com has links to lots of helpful sites and information, including a menarche kit.
Blessings on whatever celebration you and your daughter find.