Advice on the best way to approach turning down a date

[mimim]

I ran into this guy that I went to high school with. I didn't recognize him, but I knew who he was when he told me his name. We weren't friends, didn't have any classes together, or ever hang out together, but had several mutual friends. He told me about his life, including a really sad story about the death of his fiance. I responded sympathetically to his story; it was really sad and sweet. I told him the synopsis of my life - teacher, three kids, divorced, blah, blah. He said he'd noticed that I was friends with one of our mutual high school friends on facebook and wanted to know if he could add me. I said sure add me; nice to see you again; bye.

He sent me the friend invite and emailed me on there twice today with his number and an invitation to dinner or lunch. I could tell him I'm not interested in him or I could tell him I'm not ready to date right now. Both are true. I don't want him thinking he should try asking again in a few months, but I don't really want to hurt his feelings if I don't have to. So complete honesty? Or stick with the not ready to date story? There will be a poll attached, since I'm not sure where the line is between discretion and honesty in this type of situation.

Also, I'm not sure if I should friend him. I already said I would, but I wasn't expecting him to ask me out when I said that. Input on that?

[meemee]

though i've used the i am not ready to date yet, (chickened out) i prefer saying i am not into them just so if i end up DO dating someone right after i met them they wont feel bad. rather i wont be a liar.

[Holland73]

I always go for the "thanks, but I'm not interested."

I respect and appreciate when men are honest and direct with me, so I try to do the same.

As for the friending, if you don't want to friend him... don't. Just ignore the request.

[lilyka]

How do you feel about getting to know him better as friends? Perhaps you could accept his lunch invitation but in the course of lunch chat make it clear you are only interested in friendship.

[lilyka]

But if you are not interested in friendship or dating or hanging out with him or getting to know him better, I would just say you are really not interested and just leave it at that.

[One_Girl]

I would go with the I'm not ready to date line then switch up if you need to.

[Learning_Mum]

Originally Posted by lilyka

How do you feel about getting to know him better as friends? Perhaps you could accept his lunch invitation but in the course of lunch chat make it clear you are only interested in friendship.

[mimim]

I did consider telling him that lunch would be fine if he was interested in just being friends. Although he might very well agree to be friends, I imagine that's not what he is going for here. He seems very nice and considerate, but he is really not my type. A quick look at his facebook page confirmed that suspicion for me.

I'm glad to see that more people think I need to tell him I'm not interested. I agree that it's best to be honest, even when it is hard. However, even if I was interested, I wouldn't go out with him any time soon, because I truly am not in the right emotional state to date at all. But if I was interested, I'd probably ask him to try me again in a month or two and I'd have no qualms about friending him.

I answered his emails last night and said no. I didn't explain why. I didn't accept his friend invite. I think that's good enough, since I didn't do anything to encourage him other than talk to him for five minutes. I suppose he must have had a crush on me in high school or something, but I wish men would be more selective. It's surprising to me that, "Wow, she does know I exist!" is enough motivation to ask somebody out. I hate having to turn men down. It's almost enough to make me stay home all the time and just avoid them entirely.

[lilyka]

I think a lot of men see a date as just a way to get to know someone better. Its not a commitment. it is just lunch. But if you are not interested in even being friends (for whatever reasons) then there is no reason to get to him any better right now.

[LoveOhm]

Originally Posted by One_Girl

I would go with the I'm not ready to date line then switch up if you need to.

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