I'm so upset I'm sick about this. 20 month old woke up from nap terrified of me!

[Treehuggermama5]

Before the nap and his entire life ds has been clinging to me so much that he has hurt my dh's feelings many times because he won't go to him. He **always** wants me. So, he took a tiny 15-25 minute nap in the car today and woke up TERRIFIED of me! He will ONLY let DH near him!! I'm guessing maybe a bad dream!?! I'm completely heartbroken and sick to my stomach! We went to a birthday party for a friend this afternoon and the whole time he clung (fist clenched around dh's shirt) to DH. If I got near him he crawled up DH more! I even tried to take him upstairs to see if he'd nurse and the began bawling and acting scared by the time I reached the stairs! I just tried to nurse him down to sleep for bedtime and he won't even nurse! He just cries and tries to get off my lap! I'm crying! I don't know what to do!

I tried laying down with him, nursing him (didn't want anything to do with it), reading him a book, singing to him, walking him around, he is tense the whole time and just trying to get to the door! OMG what do I do??

What if he doesn't get over this soon? A baby that is afraid of his mommy?!?!!? We practice gentle discipline and attachment parenting for crying out loud!

[Limabean1975]

I couldn't read and not post. That sounds awful. Though not as extreme, I've had that awful feeling you are having after accidentally knocking a child in the head against something, for example.

I don't know what you should do, but I would say take it easy, don't push, and likely he'll forget all about it in another day or two.

[Blessed_Mom]

This will pass before you know it (though it will seem like a loong time!)

In a similar vein of an incident: When my DD was 8 mos old...she who never refused my breast or any opportunity to nurse , one day suddenly, refused and vehemently....she just wouldn't come to me and cried ...I remember very vividly feeling sick to my stomach and thinking it was a nursing strike or whatever....just got so scared...but she was back to normal the very next day. I can look back and remember the intensity of my reaction and laugh at it now but it was very real then and very scary.

[ellemenope]

If it makes you feel any better, DD (25 months) woke up from her nap the other day hysterical, asking why she wasn't wearing her new shoes.

She kept feeling her feet, thinking they were going to be there. I told her we don't wear shoes in bed. That sent her into a tizzy.

So, I kept showing her all (3) pairs of her shoes, asking her which ones she wanted. She only wanted her new shoes. I haven't bought her new shoes in months.

It took her a long time to get over this. At least an hour. For the rest of that day any mention of shoes got her upset, but she got over by the next day.

It must have beeen a dream. Had she not been as verbal it might have looked very much like what your son did. She was really upset with me.

[Treehuggermama5]

Thank you so much for the encouraging words. You were right! He woke up this morning like NOTHiNG happened! Totally back to normal. I will never know what yesterday was all about but thank goodness it's over!!

[Limabean1975]

Yay!

[mokey4]

Whew, glad it's over! I was going to tell you my similar story.. last month we were at a party/BBQ with my then-17 month old daughter. She had a really long day and it was maybe 6 pm and she just lost it. For some reason, for the first time in her life, she didn't want me to touch her- she shrieked and screamed and acted like I was coming after her with a knife. This was so weird to me- and she was also going through a clingy-to-mommy phase. I'm also very AP and gentle discipline and all that, so I just didn't know what was going on. DD ran around in circles (we were sitting on a big lawn outside) and ran into another woman's arms, a complete stranger. She completely calmed down in this woman's arms (so so weird and unlike her!!! a stranger!!??) until the stranger spoke. She said, "ok, all better now!" in a cheerful voice and DD just lost it again. I went over there and just swooped her up and brought her inside the house, found a quiet space to nurse her (she was screaming all the while, but I didn't know what else to do). She nursed for like 30 seconds but afterwards she found something she wanted to play with and it was like the whole episode never happened. I think she was just really overstimulated from the whole day- it was the first hot day in a long time, it was our second party of the day, we had gone swimming in the outdoor pool, there were tons of people around= just way too much going on. Anyway she was fine later that night and this has never happened since.

Who knows what goes through these little brains?

[manleywoman]

I've had this happen, and it's heartbreaking, but thankfully temporary! Glad it all resolved itself.

[Treehuggermama5]

Just wanted to update that it did resolve itself for an entire day. THEN, last night he woke up around 2:00am and I went in there to see if he'd nurse because I was just hoping he would. He literally got off of his mattress on the floor and ran sobbing to where my husband was sleeping. Then, my husband slept with him the rest of the night and brought him to me when it was time for him to get up for work. DS refused to be near me again! DS stood by the babygate where my husband was upstairs the entire time DH was in the shower. Then, when it came time for him to leave for work DH said, "Bye bye!" and DS completely lost it. We spent the rest of the morning in our basement with him crying and reaching up the stairs as if he were just abandoned as I sat there wondering how much longer I'd have to endure this!!

Finally, he fell asleep on the basement FLOOR for about an hour. When he woke up it took a full hour for him to be okay with me being even near him. By the end of today, we were buddies, but he still had a weird distance about him. He didn't let me snuggle him or anything. My DH came home from work and he immediately ran to him, fell into the head on shoulder position, and stayed there for the evening. If I tried to get near him he crawled up DH's chest! What the heck is going on? There is no creepy backstory, he never stays with other people other than my parents and for short amounts of time (like dates), and we've always been inseparable! I've offered to nurse a million times today and he refused every time!

I appreciate the encouraging words. I really need them. I have a 4 year old DD as well and this wins over all the parenting challenges by far. I am so discouraged and hurt over this whole thing! I don't know who to go to. It seems like such a bizarre situation that no one would believe me that it just happened out of the blue.

A thought came to mind that during this summer my DH would get up with the kids and let me sleep in and when I came down they'd usually be watching a movie or something. For a decent streak they watched Monster's Inc. I wasn't totally okay with it. We don't have a TV so they watch on our computer. But anyway, we don't usually let the kids watch much and what they watched is usually very screened. Anyway - all that to say that I think we got lazy and I wonder if there was a scene in that that gave him nightmares only with me or something? I'm wracking my brain!!!!

[Limabean1975]

Oh no!I am so sorry to hear this is continuing...I don't know what to tell you.

I almost did not read your new update, assuming it was just you thanking someone else for feedback, so I hope my response here bumps the thread so others may click.

[tjjazzy]

just wanted to extend *hugs* and hope he gets over it. how is DH with him? is he a completely different type of parent or the same? maybe he just wants to try out the "daddy way" for a while. is DH gone a lot? maybe it's some sort of separation anxiety? or maybe it's just a daddy stage. after all, they go through mommy phases where they're very attached to us, right? well, ds1 never really did go through a mom phase but ds2 has taken an interest in daddy now that he's almost 2 when it's always been me. you just never know with these kids...no matter what, i'm sure it's not you or anything you did.

[Rani]

Sounds like he is having nightmares. At this age its hard to separate wake from dreaming. It should pass honest....

[tessie]

Originally Posted by Rani

Sounds like he is having nightmares. At this age its hard to separate wake from dreaming. It should pass honest....

Yup. DD started waking and being inconsolable at around that age. It might be worth looking up night terrors and how to deal with them, just in case. Hope it passes soon.

[Treehuggermama5]

The update is that we put him to bed over an hour early last night because sleep has been affecting him so much lately. He woke as sunny and attached as could be and was back to screaming if dh tried to out him to bed! WHAT an emotional roller coaster!!! I hope this is the last of it! My mommy brain cannot handle my ds being terrified of me one day and completely loving the next!

[shnitzel]

Could it be something you are wearing on the days he is scared of you. Hat, bra, coloured your hair, hair style, necklace anything that he may be scared of?

[aramat]

Originally Posted by Treehuggermama5

The update is that we put him to bed over an hour early last night because sleep has been affecting him so much lately. He woke as sunny and attached as could be and was back to screaming if dh tried to out him to bed! WHAT an emotional roller coaster!!! I hope this is the last of it! My mommy brain cannot handle my ds being terrified of me one day and completely loving the next!

I was just reading through this thread and thinking he probably needed more sleep. I haven't had your exact (and heart-breaking!) situation, but any time my kids are THAT much unlike themselves, it's usually sleep-related. Hugs to you!