My gf's dd bites! DS was bitten. :(

[newmothermary]

I know from what I read that toddler biting is common.
My gf's dd is 2.5 yrs old and a handful by her own admission. She does not share and will throw earth-moving tantrums if another kids *looks* at what's hers. I often feel for my friend because I know she's having a hard time parenting her dd in this much terrible-twos stage. Lately, she's taken to biting. (she's been hitting for quite some time and will seek kids out to hit them) We were picnicing today and she bit another friend's dd and bit my DS. He has a clear, distinct round teeth mark on his arm. He's fine. I guess what's bothering me is my friend's take on the matter. She is clearly upset (and embarrassed) that her dd is biting. She has bitten a number of kids multiple times in the last 2 weeks. When I showed my friend the mark DS got from the bite, her response was "at least he didn't cry that much". I know she probably didn't mean it the way it sounded. It bothered me, bothers me still.

When DH came home and I showed him the mark he was p'ssd off!

What to do?
I don't want to not hang out with them anymore but I'm frankly a little scared of the little girl.

[lifeguard]

It is a pretty normal stage for children to go through but if Mom is not willing/able to be right with her daughter at all times through this stage than I would keep my distance until it is done.

I suspect what your friend was trying to say is that she's glad he wasn't hurt badly.

[newmothermary]

I suspect the same.

Originally Posted by lifeguard

I suspect what your friend was trying to say is that she's glad he wasn't hurt badly.

My gf doesn't like to hover. She seems tired (rightfully so) of dealing with the terrible two behaviors.

[Latte Mama]

Originally Posted by newmothermary

I suspect the same.





My gf doesn't like to hover. She seems tired (rightfully so) of dealing with the terrible two behaviors.

I wouldn't either but you can bet that I would if my DS ever starts BITING other kids. Her DD has bitten multiple children in the past couple of weeks and she doesn't want to stay on top of this? Reading this type of stuff really cheeses me.

I'm sorry for your DS.

[lach]

Originally Posted by newmothermary

I suspect the same.

My gf doesn't like to hover. She seems tired (rightfully so) of dealing with the terrible two behaviors.

Helicopter parenting has a bad name for good reason, but sometimes you HAVE to hover. My 17mo is a biter, and I definitely hover when he's around other kids. He chomps on and doesn't let go. We have to do the nose-pinching trick to get him to let go, and he thinks that's the best part of the "game." He's drawn blood from me, and has given DH some nasty bruises. He has never actually bitten anyone but DH, DD and me... but I am aware that his biting is a real problem (if anyone has a way to stop it, I'd love to hear suggestions!) and, bluntly, I don't trust him around other kids.

I understand that she feels helpless (I certainly do), but her reaction would annoy me too. Just because she can't stop the problem easily doesn't mean that she should ignore it.

If you are very good friends with her, I would suggest bringing it up very, very gently. She undoubtedly feels helpless about this behavior, and is defensive that other people are judging her parenting. But at a certain level, she does have to take responsibility for her daughter's behavior... in this situation, that means being aware of the DD's behaviorisms and doing her best to head them off.

If you really feel that your son is in danger, just gently avoid them until you feel the situation has resolved itself. This unfortunately happened to us last year. A little boy in DD's playgroup was VERY violent, particularly to my daughter. Some of his actions actually required medical attention. We really just had to avoid them. It was too bad, because his mother is really nice and I like her a lot: but my kids' safety trumps that.

[newmothermary]

Thanks ladies for your thoughts and stories.

It feels so silly to say but a lot of parenting is "new" to me now even though I have 2 children. My first, my beautiful dd has special needs and parenting her in those wee young years was a very different experience. Same love, different experience all the same. She is 4 yrs old and is non-mobile and we never encountered this type of scenario so I don't have much to refer to with first hand experience.

I do feel like my friend can and should be more assertive in stopping the biting. I feel like maybe a timeout is warranted after each bite but it doesn't happen. Not that she doesn't believe in timeout b/c she told me she timed her dd out for over an hour the other day for not admitting to biting on something in the house. My friend was furious over her dd lying (her word) to her. I feel that the same "consequence" should happen after each biting incident.
The sad thing is, she takes offense if anyone talks "wrong" or criticizes her dd. Even though, again, she admits to her dd being Hannibel Lector for the biting. I feel this is minimizing the matter.

The only real workable option is that *I* hover over my ds when he's in my friend's dd's presence and stop her myself if it happens and tell my friend. Staying away from the playground (where we meet most of the time) is not an option. Since I feel so dang isolated already from being a parent of a sn child. I really need that connection to the park since I see other moms/kids there too.

[Red Pajama]

I've been on both sides of it. It feels terrible having a child bite, and it feels terrible having a bitten child.
I remember feeling angry and worried about the child that bit my son, thinking about how much more damage would have been done had he not been wearing a sweatshirt to cushion the bite.

At the age you're dealing with, about all you can offer is really close supervision. At some point it might become severe enough that you won't want to see your friend, just to protect your child.

[newmothermary]

I feel violated. Odd choice of word I know but it fits the way I feel.

Originally Posted by Red Pajama

...I remember feeling angry and worried about the child that bit my son, thinking about how much more damage would have been done had he not been wearing a sweatshirt to cushion the bite.

[mokey4]

I'm all about letting the kids work things out and intervening as little as possible, but if a child is biting then the parent really needs to play a more preventative role. It sounds like your friend isn't really dealing with the problem. There are things she could do besides time out (which i believe do not work anyway), but doing nothing is not right. It's hard being the parent of a toddler... sometimes it totally sucks.

Anyway I don't know what you can do, besides maybe tell your friend that you are nervous about getting together with her while her daughter is biting and she doesn't seem to be able to stop it. Maybe she'll open up and you can brainstorm strategies for preventing this from happening and how to deal with it. She may be mortified, but she probably is already.