TV and DCP, WWYD?

[PPK]

First off I want to say how blessed we've been to have our neigbor and her daughter be our nanny since 3yo DS was an infant. They love him like he's one of their family and they're always available on a moment's notice. In these regards, I couldn't ask for better.

The issue I'm having (and its been ongoing) is that they prefer to watch DS at their home next door. My main issue is that they let him watch TV almost constantly!!! And if its not children's programming, then its their dad watching (sometimes violent) movies on TV.

I've mentioned this to them at least 4 times and gone into detail how I'd like DS to not be in front of the TV. (Of course I understand bits here and there are fine). I also just asked them this evening to take him out for a walk to the park (I can't always do it before leaving for work as its too hot before 7:30pm). They said OK, but when I picked him up I learned they didn't go (with no real reason). I asked DS what he did and he said "read books and watch TV"

I don't know what to do. I feel they are like family, but I would like my requests for my son to be at least quasi-complied with.

DH just says we should find someone else, because after all-we're paying for him to be watched and they should at least be making a better effort.

I don't think I'm being overly strict here, but the problem is that DH lets him watch 45 min (at least) in the am, 1 hr at night, and now at the gym I see him glued to the TV for the 45 min I'm working out!! Add the babysitter to that's 5 hrs a day; and its wayyy too much time IMO! Also, if I let him sit and watch TV, I wouldn't need to pay a sitter for many of those hours (most is me doing job-related work at home).

I'm hoping for advice from moms who use DCP's and some DCP's themselves on this.

TIA

[mermaidmother]

I agree that is way too much TV. Are there other kids at the DCP's house? Maybe your DH is right about needing to find a new provided. Maybe your current provided could watch him on more of a sometimes basis- when you go out for dates w/ your DH and such, but maybe find a center with more structure for day to day care. One of the reasons I like my DS's daycare is that it is a center, and I know they will never watch TV there. There are always other kids to play with and activities planned. He can always play outside with others. You have a lot to think about. At this point though it sounds like you are so close with DCP that they are discounting what you are asking them to do because they know they are like family to you.

[sewchris2642]

Are they licensed as a dc? Or is this just an informal babysitting type of arrangement? If they are licensed as a home dc in your state, they must follow the state rules that govern TV watching and outdoor playtime. (find out here; just click on your state http://nrckids.org/STATES/states.htm) In either case, if they aren't respecting your wishes, then you just might have to find other arrangements for dc. But your argument is weak because your dh also allows too much TV (in your view). That is undermining your side of the debate. Especially if they are close enough in the relationship that they have an idea of how much TV he is watching at home.

[PPK]

Well, another point is that he's starting pre-K 1/2 days in 2 weeks (Montessori). So at least he won't be able to watch much in the mornings, if any (DH has just agreed to try TV-free in the mornings).

Its an informal nanny situation, no licensing and the only other child is her nephew once a week.


I'm ok with 45 minutes or so at night with DH (and maybe more, weather permitting)..I think that's totally fine, and acceptable b/c DH works a ton and is burned-out by days' end.

Most other times I might just insist on one of them coming over to our home to watch DS...he has a million toys, puzzles, and books that he could be playing with here. Or when the weather gets cooler (in a month or so) I might just ask that they take him down to the park for 30min to an hour like the other nannies in the neighborhood do. If they have issue with this, then I will probably start looking around for other help.

Thanks for the input, and I'd love to hear more views!

[Purple*Lotus]

I am not a huge fan of television in general. I needed to put that out there for full disclosure.

When I worked as a Nanny, we talked up front about TV expectations. They were fine with me using it more than I would ever have wanted to. I think that it is fine for you to ask that your child not be in front of the TV at all. I mean, in my opinion, as a Nanny, I was being paid to play with the child, keep them involved in age appropriate activities, etc. Not to plop her in front of a television set to do other things. This is mainly why I think having them watch your child in your own home is probably better than in their home. Just my two cents.

[MisaGoat]

I would try to work it out with your caregiver and if they can't go to the playground and outside more and watch much less TV I would find a new arrangement. I would probably let it slide more if they were doing it as a favor but since you are paying them, I think you can request how they interact with your child and also think you can probably find someone who can take your child outside more and watch less TV (or none).

[One_Girl]

TV is a big turn off for me in a daycare. I suggest trying to find another provider or possibly a center based place. At a center there tend to be more rules regarding when tv watching is okay, and at many it is never okay. They also are required by the directors to take the kids out whether the teachers feel like it or not in many cases. You could phrase it gently if you are going center based by saying that you want your son to socialize with other children now that he is older, even if that isn't what you want it is a tactful white lie. If you are completely anti-center based care then I think you need to put your foot down and insist that the care be done at your house with no tv or by someone else. If you know one of your neighbors with a nanny well maybe you could nanny share occasionally.

[beebalmmama]

If you are paying them for care then I think it is outrageous that they are plopping your ds in front of the tv that often. I don't think it is necessarily an issue of at your house or theirs, that level of tv watching is unacceptable. If they are being paid then they should be spending more time doing activities with him.

It is true not all centers are the same in regards to tv. While ds was in daycare they had the tv on for an hour in the morning and an hour at the end of the day. This was during drop off and pick up times and so depending on when the parent arrived the child may have been watching 20 minutes a day or 2 hours! This was still pretty unacceptable to me, but so was the fact that there was so little quality chilcare in that area to begin with. We usually tried to time it so that he wasn't watching more than 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes in the afternoon.