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Highly annoyyed

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 
I was just texting a friend of mine and she asked me where I went. I said I went to wal mart to get infant tylenol because DS is teething bad. She then said something along the lines of don'y you have some because you give it to him after his shots right? I then said no because he hasnt gotten any (hes almost 4 months) and she asked me why. So I said we were delaying for atleast 6 months eventhough we are not vaxing at all (90% sure of that) and she starts going off about how they are all important and im putting DS in danger for not getting them and I need to listen to his pedi and just get them. I then told her that I've done lots of research and I'm still iffy on how long we'll delay for and that opened a can of worms.
You'd think that your CLOSE friend would just agree to disagree.

Then she goes off about why they are important and everything.

Never again will I tell anyone that we aren't vaxing.
post #2 of 19
That is frustrating. And best to steer clear of those conversations, unless there is an atmosphere of mutual respect.

You could forward her this article http://abcnews.go.com/Health/SwineFl...ory?id=8840239 on why tylenol is perhaps not the best choice for administering together with a vaccine.
post #3 of 19
Anytime it comes up, I only have issues with "medical professionals". Sorry this happened.
post #4 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by ProudMarineWife View Post
You'd think that your CLOSE friend would just agree to disagree.
You'd think, wouldn't you? An old friend of mine and I got into a convo about it while on the train to my bachelorette weekend. She nearly took my head off about it. Our relationship was never the same again (other hot button issues came up that weekend, which really opened my eyes to her odd beliefs...like she doesn't want any drugs to be legal b/c all that's standing between her and drug addiction is the legality of it???), and last time I saw her was Nov '08, on a "girl's weekend", when she brought a guy back to the condo and he stayed over night...she's been married for 18 years now...

Anyway, you'd THINK they could just shush about it.
post #5 of 19
I've stopped telling people. It's just not worth the fight. They won't change my mind and they refuse to listen to my side so it's a stalemate.
post #6 of 19
I never planned on telling anyone in the family (unless I was 100% sure they didn't trust vax's either) until our ped (who is an old family friend) got all mad and offended when we said no to a few vax's. He then went and told my MIL who uncharacteristically BLEW UP and then a whole bunch of family drama ensued. It triggered a slew of disrespectful comments that my MIL continues to throw in from time to time to this day.

The saying should go 'don't talk about religion, politics, vaccine choices or any other parenting decision for that matter' lol
post #7 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by harli View Post
The saying should go 'don't talk about religion, politics, vaccine choices or any other parenting decision for that matter' lol
So true! We stopped talking to my BIL over vaccines. He's in school to become a nurse practitioner and you would think that title comes with a crown and a scepter. He sent me an email (after getting into Facebook arguments) about the "safety" of my kids. Puh-lease. I told him where to stuff his "concern."
post #8 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by harli View Post
I never planned on telling anyone in the family (unless I was 100% sure they didn't trust vax's either) until our ped (who is an old family friend) got all mad and offended when we said no to a few vax's. He then went and told my MIL
That's illegal. That ped would be a former family friend as far as I'm concerned.
post #9 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by harli View Post
I never planned on telling anyone in the family (unless I was 100% sure they didn't trust vax's either) until our ped (who is an old family friend) got all mad and offended when we said no to a few vax's. He then went and told my MIL who uncharacteristically BLEW UP and then a whole bunch of family drama ensued. It triggered a slew of disrespectful comments that my MIL continues to throw in from time to time to this day.
Uh, yeah, it's illegal. It's a thing called a HIPAA violation! I would be furious, no matter how old the "family friend" was!
post #10 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuburbanHippie View Post
So true! We stopped talking to my BIL over vaccines. He's in school to become a nurse practitioner and you would think that title comes with a crown and a scepter. He sent me an email (after getting into Facebook arguments) about the "safety" of my kids. Puh-lease. I told him where to stuff his "concern."
I get so tired of friends and family members who have initials behind their names thinking they know EVERYTHING about vaccines and because I decline them, I am putting EVERYONE at risk!
post #11 of 19
You had that entire conversation by text message? I am so behind the times....


I don't ever bring it up myself, but I never shy away from sharing that we choose not to vaccinate if I am asked. It is not something I am ashamed of, and I don't think we should hide in a closet. I feel like I am helping to pave the way of acceptance for mamas who come after me.

But I never debate. There just isn't any point. I will answer questions respectfully asked and will share information, but if someone wants to jump down my throat it is time to change the subject. No good can come from that. And IME the people most likely to freak out can't even tell you what their kid has been vaccinated against ("the six month ones") so the only thing I am likely to gain from that conversation is a migraine.

Work on your non-committal sounds of agreement. "Isn't it awful how they cry when they get their shots?" "Mmm-nmmm."
post #12 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by becca_howell View Post
I get so tired of friends and family members who have initials behind their names thinking they know EVERYTHING about vaccines and because I decline them, I am putting EVERYONE at risk!
I know, it's really annoying that people who have studied things formally think they have some special magical knowledge that the rest of us don't have, isn't it? As a mama, I know what's best for my kids, and it doesn't matter whether or not I have read all the papers in the medical journals or not. Who knows my kids better than me?
post #13 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by becca_howell View Post
I get so tired of friends and family members who have initials behind their names thinking they know EVERYTHING about vaccines and because I decline them, I am putting EVERYONE at risk!
Well, if it makes you feel any better, you can always add initials after your name when you converse with them. For instance, you could always sign off as "Becca_Howell, NVM" or "Becca_Howell, SVM". Because, in reality, those letters behind your name hold as much weight to them as theirs should to you.

My family has stopped bugging me about vaxes (well, the in-laws) just like they learned not to bug me about not circing my boys and not taking my kids to restaurants very often (we eat organic, free-range, non-junk food). They see the difference in my kids between eating the way I normally feed them and eating the way they (the in-laws) want to feed them and it's night and day. So, I think they're starting to think I'm less crazy and do not question why I make the choices I do. I've also been known to say, "Well, if you do not like that I do not vax my kids...you are more than welcome to have more kids of your own and get them vaxed with whatever you want."

But, I agree with others...don't offer up the information. I usually change the subject or make a joke or something...in reference to the tylenol and needing it for vaxes...I would have asked if she's seen the great sales in the make-up section or asked her how she's never gotten more tylenol and if she found a "never ending bottle" anywhere *laugh* move on.

There are a few things that I rarely ever talk to anyone about...religion, politics and my parenting choices.

*hug*
post #14 of 19
I won't discuss it with people unless I can sense they are open to discussion or they don't vax either. It's a personal choice.
post #15 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuburbanHippie View Post
I've stopped telling people. It's just not worth the fight. They won't change my mind and they refuse to listen to my side so it's a stalemate.
post #16 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by just_lily View Post
You had that entire conversation by text message? I am so behind the times....
haha. yeah. We text throughout the day. It is easier for us.

anyways...Vaccinating is now a subject I will stay away from.
Lots of people thinking I'm slowing killing DS because he's not getting vaxed. yeah okay.

Most of my friends just do what their pedis say and don't even think twice about. His old pedi said to stop feeding him when he wakes up in the middle of the night because at 3 months he shouldn't need to eat then. WTH? If my baby is hungry I will feed him wheras my friend listend and wondering why her DD was screaming for 2 hours.
post #17 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by ProudMarineWife View Post
His old pedi said to stop feeding him when he wakes up in the middle of the night because at 3 months he shouldn't need to eat then. WTH? If my baby is hungry I will feed him wheras my friend listend and wondering why her DD was screaming for 2 hours.
The doctors actually say that to moms???!!!!! We don't go so I wouldn't know, but I think that's barbaric! Sorry, off topic .
post #18 of 19
Them: Do you realize the danger your are putting your kids is? yadda yadda yadda

Me: It's a complicated subject. If it really interests you, I'd be happy to recommend some literature.
post #19 of 19
Wow, I'm sorry you had this problem with your friend. I think I've told every one I know that listens or cares that I don't vax, I've never been met with anything but questions like "oh, why is that?" and I happily offer up information, of course always trying to be careful not to make them feel they should feel bad about vaxing. And always just end it as "you should do some research on it sometime". I only had one pedi give me an issue with DS1 when he first had is 2 mon well baby, but aside from her no one has ever given me anykind of attitude about it or guilt trip or anything. Maybe I head them off about it first or something. I don't know, or just lucky I guess. My family supports it and one of my sister is a non vaxer as well, actually she was the one who caused me to question vaxes because I knew she did not vax. Otherwise I probably would have vaxed right along with the mainstream general population, never questioning or researching anything, but a basic part of having a baby. Maybe that's why I like to tell everybody to do their own research on it. Just to let them know that there are options and "not everybody is doing it"
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