Having to repeat myself 70 times is making me CRAZY

[saffrongirl]

I would say she doesn't listen, but it's not really that - total selective listening. Dd is 5.5 and the first-born. For a long time, it was just her and I so I can see how she'd feel like the world is supposed to revolve around her. However, I've worked hard to give her perspective and in the last three years we've added two step-kids and my youngest daughter to the mix. The five year old is a sweet girl, smart, observant and kind.

But she's also dramatic, self-absorbed and did I mention dramatic??

Anyway, the thing is that over the last year I've noticed more and more that I have to repeat myself over and over until she finally "hears" me and does what I want her to do. I know this is normal to an extent and that she's just got other plans in her little world and wants to do that before doing whatever chore I'm asking her to do. But now with the addition of the other kids and the baby, I really am running short on patience.

Does anyone have any suggestions so that I can help her really hear me the first time? Better approaches maybe? Or ways of wording things so that she'll just do it?

I definitely give consequences to not listening - if I have to repeat myself, I'll threaten to take something away (and I WILL follow through) but I'm hoping there's a way to do it that doesn't escalate my blood pressure and turn into a whole "thing" all the time??

[Pavlovs]

My almost-6-year-old does the same thing, and it drives me nuts! I've found that if I just wait (up to 30 seconds, which feels like forever) and don't answer his relentless "what, mommy" then more than half the time he will think hard enough to hear what I've said. It must be lingering in his brain and he just chooses not to process it, but if I give him time he'll figure it out. Beyond that, the consequence for repeatedly ignoring me is that I don't repeat myself and he doesn't get to know what I've said, yet I still expect him to do whatever it was I had asked. He has to figure it out or face the consequence.

[Cascadian]

I finally gave them the 3 call 'rule' - if I have to call more than 3 times, I stop, and they are left to wonder why no one's calling them for dinner/to go out/etc. over a period of time.

If I had been calling them for something fun (like going to the park) we don't do it any more.

It's amazing how that improves their hearing.

[St. Margaret]

I sometimes do a "join me when you can" thing I learned from another teacher, where you first signal you need their attention, and respect that they might be in the middle of something and need a few seconds. It can be a physical (in the classroom I would do a silly hand motion and kids join in as they finish up, or I just stand in one special spot with my hand up, with older kids) or verbal cue, even like, "DD, head's up--" and then waiting for her to finish the little conversation her dolls were having or whatever, and then proceeding.

I have trouble processing things I hear a lot, so the waiting while it sinks in is something I've learned to do myself, before saying, "WHAT?!"

[saffrongirl]

These are all good points and I really like the "three call" rule, but what do you do when you are asking them come to you so that you can ask them to do a chore or something? This happens often with us when I ask her to "come here and put shoes on" or something to that effect. She's in the middle of something in her room or gets distracted and I end up repeating myself over and over.

[Pavlovs]

Originally Posted by saffrongirl

These are all good points and I really like the "three call" rule, but what do you do when you are asking them come to you so that you can ask them to do a chore or something? This happens often with us when I ask her to "come here and put shoes on" or something to that effect. She's in the middle of something in her room or gets distracted and I end up repeating myself over and over.

If my son has to put shoes on because we are leaving and he ignores, I grab my purse and head out the door - he catches on really fast. If it's for a chore, if I end up having to do the chore for him I charge him a work fee out of the money he earns. So if he doesn't clean the litter box, for example, after I've reminded him then I charge him 50 cents.

[mamazee]

My dd is older than yours, though it sounds like they have similar temperaments. What I try to do is first of all tell her I need acknowledgment, like just to say, "I hear you mom" or "OK" or something, then I try to give her a time frame in which she has to do things, instead of "right now", sometimes an actual time on the clock, but usually "after you finish reading that chapter" or something. It isn't perfect, and yes she does sometimes forget after the chapter and start moving onto the next chapter, but at least there's improvement with those changes. I really hate when she doesn't even acknowledge that I've told her something, though. I've explained that it makes a big difference to me that she just say she's heard what I've said. And I've also talked to her about how I try to give her as much freedom as possible, that is if I say "I want you to do this at some point today" and it actually gets done without further reminders, then I know that I don't have to continually remind her to do things. And sometimes at this point that's enough, and sometimes it isn't. But she's 8 and it's taken a lot of work to get even there, and some of that is probably just increased maturity.

[tbone_kneegrabber]

ds is only 3 but he does this sometimes and so does dp (who is 32!) I usually say "acknowledge that I have spoken to you!" or "respond to me!" sometimes "répondez, s'il vous plaît," At this point I just want to know, did you hear me or did you not hear me? I imagine it will only get more annoying as ds (and dp!) get older!