poll: did s/o get onboard with hs?

[happy1nluv]

So I convinced dh to agree to hs for k. But, he says he's going to be adamant for 1st grade and not give in when the discussion comes up again. I'm looking at the K year to hopefully change his mind and turn him into a supporter (after all, the hard work of telling everyone we're hs'ing and we're weird will be done) ... So...if you went through something similar... what happened when you started talking about first grade?

[SagMom]

Originally Posted by happy1nluv

So...if you went through something similar... what happened when you started talking about first grade?

I started talking about hsing with dh when ds1 was in 1st grade. He was adamently against it and I wasn't really sure about it myself.

We ended up pulling ds1 out of school in the middle of 3rd grade and dh was pretty reluctant about it--he didn't even want to talk about what we'd do with our second child at that time. After a few months I told him I wanted to hs child #2 as well and he didn't oppose it, but also didn't jump for joy.He eventually was totally onboard and supportive to the point that he just assumed child #3 would be hsed and he talks to people all the time about how great it is.

[SundayCrepes]

Where's the "he's been supportive of it from the beginning" choice?

[leighann79]

My DH wasn't supportive until DD had been in school for 3 years (was in 2nd grade) and we had all sorts of trouble that year. He was very happy to pull her out half-way through. He's been supportive since. Not always sure of my methods, but supportive.

[Casha'sMommy]

Originally Posted by SundayCrepes

Where's the "he's been supportive of it from the beginning" choice?

[Arduinna]

Mine basically left it up to me and only became an advocate later.

[Jennifer3141]

Originally Posted by Arduinna

Mine basically left it up to me and only became an advocate later.

Ditto to this.

[accidental_hs'er]

Didn't vote...

My dh has been supportive from day 1 and gets only more enthusiastic as the years have gone on.

[rjruiz_415]

I first brought it up sometime before we had kids. I dont even know if I was pregnant (or even married) yet... he has been on board since day one though...

[Holiztic]

I gave DH "Dumbing Us Down" by John Taylor Gatto before I even was pregnant. That's all it took--he was totally on board!

[Lisa1970]

Your poll is not good. Many of us had our husbands wanting homeschooling before we did. Or at least as much as we did.

[lmonter]

Originally Posted by SundayCrepes

Where's the "he's been supportive of it from the beginning" choice?

Yup, this.
I was freaking out about the possibility of public school when my oldest was 18mo. We did some talking, some research, etc. Before he was even 2yo, we decided to homeschool. Irony is that I finally got a bunch of boxes of [homeschool] books from the IL's this summer, and in there I found an old copy of Dumbing Us Down.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by SundayCrepes

Where's the "he's been supportive of it from the beginning" choice?

"other" if you really want to vote but we can't exactly help the OP, y'know? If her dh would be more convinced by hearing about other men being cool with HS, then we can all step up and help.

[mimaja]

voted "other"

I started talking to dh about hs'ing when ds1 was about 2 or 3. I did lots of research and introduced it slowly. DH is more receptive to things he can ruminate over rather than feel he's being pressured or bullied into. I think the 2 selling features for him were that I have an education degree and that ds1 has mild CP, so the idea of accomodating all his needs on an individuul level rather than being part of the herd, was big for him. It was very gradual, but I got total confirmation that he was on board when I brought up my concerns the summer ds1 would have been about to enter K. We were going far away to a family wedding and I didn't want to be blindsided with others' criticisms swaying dh into changing his mind. He assured me on the way there that he was supportive and that was that!

[happy1nluv]

thanks saphirechan... that's exactly why I didnt have an "he was on board from the beginning" option

I only recently came to the conclusion that I wanted to hs myself (it was a gradual thing that just kind of happened -- without writing a novel... when dh and I had the talk, one of us was CLEARLY going to have to be the bigger person and give in because we were both adamant about our sides... If I had his full support, I would be very unschooly, but since it may very well be my turn to be the bigger person for 1st grade... I know I kind of need to keep him up to speed with the school kids... and i want to know the "odds" in the back of my head...

[MommaCrystal]

I think I first brought it up when my oldest was around 14 months old. It was out of the question! He thought I was nuts and couldn't figure it at as I'm a former public school teacher (who at the time was planning to go back - or so he thought).

But my husband is open minded. We had lots of great conversations. Since it wasn't an immediate thing we had time. He read things I sent him. He listened what I had to say about the pluses (and minuses). Together we were creating a vision for our family and after a while it seemed ludicrous that we'd send our children to school. In about a year it was a done deal.

[mija y mijo]

When I first mentioned the idea of homeschooling DD was just a baby/toddler. DH was very against it. As kindergarten approached he agreed to try it for the "first years" but thought that she needed to go to school after that. By the time we got through those first years he was completely on board.

Just give him some time. Offer up literature for him to read, share stories you find or hear with him, and tell him about all the fun things you're doing and what your LO is learning. I'm sure he'll come around. Sometimes it just takes a little time to warm up to the idea of schooling in a "non-traditional" way.

[Starflower]

I had to vote "other" because DH was open to it from the beginning.

Now he is the one who reassures me when I have my doubts. His *only* concern has ever been whether or not I am getting enough time for myself (I'm an introvert and need down-time).

FWIW, DH also thinks that DD would be able to adjust to public schooling and would do fine, but he thinks homeschooling is better for her.

[CrazyCatLady]

My dh was also cool with it from the beginning. He had some minor socialization concerns that were quickly squashed by reality. There is a lot for homeschoolers to do where we live.

Now we're divorced and I have full custody of my dd. I am continuing to home school her and he is very glad. He says he would make the courts "force" me to keep home schooling if I ever wanted to stop. At least he's on board with it I guess.

[laohaire]

My story probably isn't helpful, but my DH's knee-jerk reaction to it when I brought it up (when DD was a baby or whatever) was No.

But it wasn't urgent at the time. And he's open-minded. And he hated school. So he was all ripe to convince himself.

I will say that one thing I did push and would push in your situation is simply to keep the question open. My DH said no, and I said fine, it wasn't something we had to decide now, but we'd just let it be. So when family asked about school and stuff, our answer was always "we don't know yet, maybe public, maybe Catholic, maybe homeschool."

I would not agree to do homeschool for K in exchange for a hard decision now to public school for grade 1. I would, however, agree to table the question of first grade for later, and discuss in the spring perhaps.

Depending on your husband's nature, I might (and I might not) ask him to define a successful schooling experience. And then you can be prepared to present to him your honest assessment of whether the K year met the experience he was looking for. (Or, if you disagreed on the measure of success, discuss that in the spring as well).

But for most men, I'd be sure not to be discussing this constantly, I'd just keep quiet until spring (or whenever the agreed discussion was). It's annoying to constantly be yinged at, "You said 'having lots of friends' was important, I'm bringing him to his third play date in 3 days! So this is what you wanted, right?" No, I'd just keep notes and a log and at the big discussion, summarize: "You mentioned social opportunities were very important to you, and this year DS made 3 new friends that he sees frequently."

But other men, I wouldn't ask him for his definition of success, I'd just table it and go on quietly and discuss later.

I think a lot of guys will be more amenable to changing their minds if they are given the space to do so. Rather than having us wives be on their case all the time ("SEE? Johnny is reading this!" "SEE? He's already learned all the planets." "SEE? He really enjoys learning, whereas his Poor Publicschooled Cousin Nate cries before school every day."). (LOL). My guy was ripe for a homeschool conversion but I sure don't think it hurt that I just stood back and let him figure it out for himself. Then he didn't have to be defensive or "prove" his point or be right.