Considering Homebirth

[Sam*]

Hi, Im Sam. I am 22 weeks pregnant with my 3rd daughter. I have 7 yr old twins. When I was pregnant with my girls I really didnt know much. I trusted Dr's and did what I was told. We had a terrible experience and ended up with a C section. Well almost 8 years later I have learned alot. I have a midwife and a doula and do not want to give birth in a hospital. So right now dh and I are debating homebirth vs birthing center.

So I guess my concerns with homebirth are mainly those nagging feelings of what if something goes wrong. I do not live close to the hospital. I also worry that having a lot of people at my house will make me nervous and I wont be able to relax. My house is always chaotic and I know I will worry about how clean it is, if people are hungry, thristy, if the kids are ok, where the dogs are, etc On the other hand going out in Buffalo the end of Dec does not sound like fun. I dont want to have to travel with baby or in labor. I would like my girls to see the baby as soon as possible after the birth.

The birthcenter is beautiful and super close to the hospital if anything does happen. Its this great old victorian that just feels so peaceful. I am leaning towards having the baby there, but I really want to think about it and hear others pov. The few people I have told about the home birth have been very negative. My boss even told me that not giving birth in a hospital was irresponsible.

Anyway thank you for reading and I would apprieate any and all feedback as well as any tips for things I should look into. Thank you!

[JamieCatheryn]

In my area there is no birth center so that wasn't an option. But my homebirth was lovely and there wasn't a hint of the crowd and chaos you imagine. I labored, when my first son woke up a friend came over to watch him and keep him out of my way. I just went about laboring and all for the day while my husband brought me whatever I needed and kept me company. When I got nearer the end and things got intense my midwife came over and checked on everything, gave me some reassurance and knitted in the next room until I was pushing. DH and the MW caught our second son and gave him to me, I birthed the placenta, and baby and I went to bed to nurse and rest. DH and the MW threw out the trash and tossed towels in the washer, she examined baby, DH cut the cord, and MW left. Then we went to sleep just like any other night. It was just so...normal. I since it was my house I felt in control of everything that anybody could control.

The rates of needing emergency intervention are so much lower if you don't use routine interventions in the first place, that's what reassures me most about out of hospital birth. But if something came up I'm sure we could have transferred and a doctor would be helping me in like 20 minutes.

[Sam*]

That does sound very nice. Im wondering how I could arrange something similar. I will have to maybe talk to some friends about helping with my girls. Right now my house seems chaotic. The baby is due Dec 25 and I keep seeing us around the Xmas tree while Im screaming in pain and adding 3 more people here. (midwife, doula, baby sitter)
I never had labor and I really just dont know what to expect and what I will be able to do durring it. I do have a pretty low pain tolerence, but Im commited to making it thru with out meds.

[JamieCatheryn]

You make a great point, I think it helps make the decision if you picture what you will do in labor and while you push, as well as after the birth, and think of where you'd rather do all that.

You'll want to take a birth class or at least read books, for sure. There are all kinds of positions to get into to find more comfort and help progress. You can start practicing them and imagining yourself laboring in them. Here are some http://transitiontoparenthood.com/tt.../positions.htm . Early on in labor you'll have several minutes between each contraction to do whatever normal stuff you want most likely - walking, sleeping/resting, a project, cleaning, cooking, playing a game, chatting with people, whatever. Toward the end the breaks are shorter, like only a couple minutes, so you'll just relax and focus probably. Oh try imagine yourself moaning through contractions to let the intensity out and keep loose, not screaming. I sounded like a ghost or something through mine "oooOOOoo" hehe it really helped.

Oh and watch birth videos! Homebirths especially. A lot of great ones on youtube. The calmest ones to watch are the hypnobabies ones, but you're totally allowed to more actively and vocally and still have a great birth.

[MegBoz]

I also didn't have a birth center in the area. (Well, about 50 min drive each way that could easily be 70-80 min with traffic!) Besides, as far as medical equipment, there's really nothing a birth center has that a HB MW doesn't bring with her. So I ruled it out for me.

Of course, I guess time to transfer is a factor (hospital isn't that far for me.) But most HB transfers aren't true emergencies, where minutes matter.

I think it's definitely something to discuss with your MW. But it sounds like you have great options either way, so that's fantastic!

Originally Posted by Sam*

The few people I have told about the home birth have been very negative.

Yeah, that is honestly to be expected. You can either chose to try to educate them on the truth (I like to point out that one-third of all births in The Netherlands are HB & their rates of maternal & fetal morality are much MUCH lower than ours!)
Or LIE!!!!! (or lie to some people, educate other people.) The added bonus of lying is that if you DO have to transfer, you won't have to hear after the fact, "I TOLD YOU SO! Oh thank god you transferred! Oh what would have happened if you stayed home?! Your baby could have DIED! I can't believe you even tried to stay home in the first place."
Um, yeah, I don't need that , so we're not telling my Mom & MIL until after the fact (cuz I KNOW I'd hear that from at least my MIL.)

Originally Posted by Sam*

I never had labor and I really just dont know what to expect and what I will be able to do durring it. I do have a pretty low pain tolerence, but Im commited to making it thru with out meds.

Maybe I'm wrong, but it sounds to me like you're not feeling very confident about it. Regardless of birth location you choose, definitely try to get started on learning labor comfort techniques. It's not too late to take a Bradley or Hypnobabies course - or at least home-study for hypnobabies & Bradley has some great books you can read. Try to work on being prepared with natural relaxation techniques & visualizations that will calm you & make you feel you can cope & "ride" the "wave" of each contraction. I think having confidence that you CAN do this is important. Otherwise if you're fearful, the fear tends to lead to tension & anxiety which makes the pain itself worse.

[Sam*]

Thank you everyone for the info. You are right at this point I am not so confident. I am trying and I have started watching some births. I def need to get over this mental block. I have looked into some classes, but the ones I have found are out of reach finatially or not good timing wise. My doula said she had some stuff for me too read, but I will definatly be checking out the links and youtubes. Really thank you guys so so much. Hearing your stories and experiences really helps put my mind at ease.

[elus0814]

My last child was born while we were living in Buffalo. I ended up going to a midwife in Albion then having the baby in Brockport. It was a really great experience in the hospital there. I was a few days shy of the 36 week cutoff the midwife had so she recommended a family practice doctor who lived around the corner from the hospital (and whose wife had given birth at home). The doctor walked over in the middle of the night, I was the only patient, and it was all very calm and relaxed. I spent about half the labor in the bathtub and the other half walking around. The doctor was fine with me pushing standing up but I ended up in a sort of hands and knees position on the bed. It was a bit of a decision for me to decide to drive the 70 miles to Brockport in March but it wasn't so bad, I ended up driving the back roads by myself in the snow at 10pm - I wasn't convinced that I was really in labor and I didn't want to hassle anyone else to drive me.

[Sam*]

Yikes I cant imagine driving that far especially in the winter.

I went to the library last night and got the Ricky Lake book. I'll be reading that today.

[cookiemom]

I may be biased, but I say go for it. It was a rocky experience for us in the beginning because we had to naturally induce due to a rupture and a few other minor issues, but our CNMs took great care of us and we were able to have the home birth without a transfer. The labor itself was 22 hours. I had siblings born at home when I was a child and my parents had a friend over to watch me and let me see the birth which was great!

I cannot stress enough that you take a childbirth course. It will allay any fears you have about the labor/birth process. I actually remember lying on my living room floor having contractions and feeling the baby's head move further down in my pelvis, and all I could think was "how cool that I know what's going on in there." Also, I believe the Bradley method often has a family course which prepares older siblings as well.

If you are in NY state, most of the homebirth midwives are Certified Nurse Midwifes. They can prescribe meds, draw blood, administer injections etc. and carry all of the things in their bag that an EMT would to stabilize you if had a worry about that. (Don't worry!) I recommend seeing The Business of Being Born (ricki lake documentary--if you have netflix it's streaming for free on there) Take it with a grain of salt, as it is a documentary, but it will help you understand the home birth midwife and also you can recognize some of the women's stages of labor after you study them in a class.

Much luck in finding your path. :-)

[Sam*]

I ordered that video today. It should be here in a week. My midwife is CNF and I totally trust her. Today I am leaning more toward the home birth. I think I will probably end up deciding a few weeks prior. : I also got the Ricki Lake book from the library.

I would like to take a class, but the ones I have found so far are out of our price range. I will talk to doula about them at next apt, maybe she knows some cheaper ones.

[MegBoz]

DH & I took Bradley. While I recommend it, if you're motivated & interested, I do think you can learn the info on your own from copious reading & viewing movies. I'm also a person who loves learning from books. I'm a 'verbal learning' not a 'visual learner' - I actually prefer reading written words over hearing spoken ones & find I retain the data better that way.

So, again, as long as you feel comfortable in your own personal ability to learn from books, I don't think it's a problem to not take a class. If you want to supplement your education, maybe attend an LLL or other natural-parenting group meeting & ask for knowledgeable mamas to share some tips - maybe show you positions or help you with guided relaxation exercises. (Hypnobabies is supposed to be fantastic.)

But I think you'll be fine without a class.

[cookiemom]

oh, if you have a doula that alone is really helpful especially w/out class...and if you want to do more reading I'd suggest

Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way by Susan McCutcheon

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth is pretty cool too

I know half of my classmates just skimmed it and did fine at delivery.

[Sam*]

I called my doula today and she recomended Ina Mays book as well. She also recomended the VBACs Companion and is going to drop some videos off to me at work in the next few days. I really lucked out. She is so amazing. She is a friend of a friend and is a customer in the sotre I work at. When she found out I was pregnant she offered to be my doula free of charge and recomened my midwife who is amazing. I have a great relationship with everyone there already and I have only been there a handful of times. I never thought I would look forward to visits like I am and I never thought I would get so close to these people so fast. I couldnt even tell you the first name of the Dr who I saw when I had my girls and at my 32 week office visit she didnt even realize I was having twins. Couldnt take 2 secs to even look at my file not to mention her terrible memory.

[mammamo]

Just so you know, I'm the kind of person whose house has to be clean when people come over, etc...and I didn't give 2 craps about the way my house looked when I was in labor

[BlackSheepPDX]

My first birth was at a birthing center that sounds like what you describe. It was essentially birthing at someone else's house, in terms of the differences in care, because the midwives simply bring the same level of equipment to your house that they have at the birth center, including emergency resuscitation equipment, and sutures, medications, IVs, etc. I chose the birth center however, because at the time, my home didn't feel like the right space for me to birth. I think feeling comfortable is really important. The birth center was like a beautiful home away from home, clean, well planned, and ready for us to walk in and do what we needed to do. This may be what you need, from your description of your feelings about being at home.

As far as the non-medicated process, I think it's really all about mindset and preparation for the experience. I have had two unmedicated births. I was confident in my choice, but pretty scared as a first timer. The second time, I added Hypnobirthing to my preparation, which included a lot of positive affirmations about birth, and a lot of focus on trusting my body. I was in an amazing place mentally for my second birth. I don't remotely claim that it was not painful, but simply that I trusted what I was experiencing was what was supposed to happen and that I'd be ok.

Good luck making your decision!

[Sam*]

Im feeling more and more confident today and leaning a little more toward my home. I think we might be able to make enough changes that it would be comfortable. Now if we can get that done before the baby is another story. This baby was a very happy surprise, but as far as space goes, it required quite a bit of rearanging. Dh and I took the small room downstairs closest to the bathroom for my many nightly trips and the babies room will be right next to us. The girls moved up stairs with a play room/family room so they can play with out worry about the baby napping and I will be closer to the baby when she needs us. Now the problem is space. In our room where I would want to give birth we have room for our bed and dresser. I would need dh to move the dresser and put i the pool and do a few more things, but I think it would be workable. I need to find the size of the birth pool. I also must say no to fosters after Dec 1st.

Would anyone care to tell me more about hypnobirthing? Ive read a little, but would love to know more.

[Sonnenblume]

I´ve had four homebirths and they were all wonderful. I was only twenty with my first baby and my parents were very unhappy with my decision - to the point where I had to ask them to not start about the topic anymore or else we couldn´t see each other until after the birth. After everything had gone so well with the birth of my son they were a lot more supportive with the other homebirths ( or they realized they couldn´t say anything to change my mind anyway).
I had a birth tub with the last two births and I highly recommend it. There is nothing like labouring in the water, it is so relaxing and the births were easy and not painful at all. I will definitly use the pool again with this baby which is due Jan.1st. If there was anything I would change with my first two births it would be to have birthed in the water!