I have this friend who is super super nice. She is also very sensitive and compliments me and my children a lot. I have always liked her children. My dh cannot stand her dh. Her dh is pompous and sexist and would often make sexist jokes and tear down his wife (my friend) at work to everyone. And he always wanted a son and would often make remarks about all women are good for and such. He is quite emotionally abusive at the very least.
So my friend finally had a little boy and he is about 5 yrs old now. The rest of the children are much older, teenagers and preteens, and all girls. The little boy is allowed to scream and demand and name call and just be nasty to my friend and his sisters. It is clear that he is the king of the house. I cannot even stand to talk on the phone anymore to my friend as I can hear the boy screaming in the background at her or his sisters and he is just nasty. My son, who is 15 months older, spent some time with them over the weekend, and my son came back screaming at me and picking on his siblings horribly. I put an end to that quickly. I do not tolerate it. I do not spank, but I did very quickly tell him no more, took away priviledges and put him on time out.
Let me add, I found out a couple years ago that the dad "spanks" or at least used to, the girls with a belt! I found out because someone called CPS on them and the dad got a lawyer and threw in CPS's face that he whips the girls with the belt and there is nothing they can do about it. Apparently, in our state, that is legal. Yet, same dad thinks his son is wonderful when he screams and breaks things and everything else. Now, the little boy has a nasty injury on him because he was messing with someone he was not supposed to and no one would stop him and he got hurt.
I am afraid to say anything to my friend. She is always so nice to me and my children. My children love her. She does so much for her children, except the obvious that is seriously needed, which is appropriate discipline. But honestly, I do not want my children around that spoiled boy anymore. He was so mean to my son last time we were together. He is complete tyrant and his parents just think he is the sweetest little boy.
I am thinking maybe I just need to distance myself and when/if she asks my opinion, I can try to kindly say something about how the little boy speaks to people. When he was here last time and was being nasty to my children, I told him he was not to speak that way, that in this home, we treat each other with respect. I told him to give back the toy he took from my child too (I gave him one and then my son one just like it so he threw his on the ground and grabbed the one from my son, even though they were the same, and hurt my son in the process) and he refused and stuck his chin up in the air and turned away. So I just walked around to the other side and told him I meant it and took the toy out of his hand, not hurting him, and told him that if he wants to trade toys, he needs to ask and he cannot be hurting people here. My friend just stood there saying nothing. She had such a blank look on her face and she shrugged, so I feel like she just does not care.
What would you do? I think I am just going to distance ourselves. I do not feel comfortable trying to tell another parent how to parent their child, and I am not comfortable with her child treating my children like that and damaging things in my home, and I feel like the mom did not take a hint when I corrected the child in front of her. She didn't seem to mind my correcting him, but I was extremely uncomfortable with correcting someone else's child and he did a lot of stuff like that.
Thank you for your help.
So my friend finally had a little boy and he is about 5 yrs old now. The rest of the children are much older, teenagers and preteens, and all girls. The little boy is allowed to scream and demand and name call and just be nasty to my friend and his sisters. It is clear that he is the king of the house. I cannot even stand to talk on the phone anymore to my friend as I can hear the boy screaming in the background at her or his sisters and he is just nasty. My son, who is 15 months older, spent some time with them over the weekend, and my son came back screaming at me and picking on his siblings horribly. I put an end to that quickly. I do not tolerate it. I do not spank, but I did very quickly tell him no more, took away priviledges and put him on time out.
Let me add, I found out a couple years ago that the dad "spanks" or at least used to, the girls with a belt! I found out because someone called CPS on them and the dad got a lawyer and threw in CPS's face that he whips the girls with the belt and there is nothing they can do about it. Apparently, in our state, that is legal. Yet, same dad thinks his son is wonderful when he screams and breaks things and everything else. Now, the little boy has a nasty injury on him because he was messing with someone he was not supposed to and no one would stop him and he got hurt.
I am afraid to say anything to my friend. She is always so nice to me and my children. My children love her. She does so much for her children, except the obvious that is seriously needed, which is appropriate discipline. But honestly, I do not want my children around that spoiled boy anymore. He was so mean to my son last time we were together. He is complete tyrant and his parents just think he is the sweetest little boy.
I am thinking maybe I just need to distance myself and when/if she asks my opinion, I can try to kindly say something about how the little boy speaks to people. When he was here last time and was being nasty to my children, I told him he was not to speak that way, that in this home, we treat each other with respect. I told him to give back the toy he took from my child too (I gave him one and then my son one just like it so he threw his on the ground and grabbed the one from my son, even though they were the same, and hurt my son in the process) and he refused and stuck his chin up in the air and turned away. So I just walked around to the other side and told him I meant it and took the toy out of his hand, not hurting him, and told him that if he wants to trade toys, he needs to ask and he cannot be hurting people here. My friend just stood there saying nothing. She had such a blank look on her face and she shrugged, so I feel like she just does not care.
What would you do? I think I am just going to distance ourselves. I do not feel comfortable trying to tell another parent how to parent their child, and I am not comfortable with her child treating my children like that and damaging things in my home, and I feel like the mom did not take a hint when I corrected the child in front of her. She didn't seem to mind my correcting him, but I was extremely uncomfortable with correcting someone else's child and he did a lot of stuff like that.
Thank you for your help.
