Pottying: "What are my options?", asked the Lazy Parent

[PingPong'sMom]

I have quite a few mom friends of older kids, half of who claimed they tried everything (bribes of skittles, stickers, toys, special books, etc.) to no avail ("they'll potty when they want to; when they understand it to be an advantage over a dipe") and the other half who claimed their (usually second) kid just took off the dipe one day and never looked back.

I understand the idea that the kid won't potty train until they're ready to, although we can help the process along. I'm attempting to avoid the external reward system, though I do have a boatload of temporary tattoos at the ready (thought I might need to use these for poopin' training). So given this, what are my options:

2.5 yo dd, all the signs of readiness, just watched her boy cousin potty train, identifies when she's tinkling.
We just started a week ago. Naked-time, to nothing under a dress, to panties under the dress.
She tinkled on the floor a few times, then made it on the potty mid-stream, then refused to go (I was asking every 30 minutes) and held it until she ran to the potty and tinkled on her own, twice (this was on the second and third days!).
However, now she's not that interested. She tinkles in her panties w/out even saying anything (at the beginning of last week, she'd exclaim, "I'm tinkling!!"), she doesn't mind being in wet panties now.
I'm trying to be positive when I ask, though when I ask and she says No, she will run around a corner and tinkle on the floor. Do I try to make it a bigger deal when I clean her up? W/out being judgmental or angry, but that's it takes all this time to clean her up, etc.

Okay, here comes the Lazy Parent question: Do we go back to wearing dipes but still offering every 30 minutes to potty on the potty? To let her take the lead as to when she wants to be done with dipes? I always ask if she's ready to be a big girl and that big girls don't wear dipes...

And what about being out? We went to her cousins' house today. Her older cousin just potty trained and I think that's where she learned the concept (over the past 3-4 months). But she tinkled all over their house (even with dh and me watching over her, offering/refusing, she was stealth-tinkler). We finally put a diaper on her... then she starts wiggling and I catch her and offer, we run to the potty and she tinkles in the potty (she held it until we made it to the potty). So what was that about?

Tomorrow we're going to a 2.5 hour playgroup. Although I'm sure others have accidents there, I think we're still at the beginning of the process, so should I put a dipe on her?

I know there is a school of thought that says to not stop trying/once you give up diapers, never go back (barring special needs/medical issues, etc.) but there are also enough stories of exhausting and endless power struggles and rewards/bribes/expectations that are not in line with the child. Some of my mom friends say they worked Way Too Hard for Too Long and that none of it mattered: the kid trained when They were good and ready. (and the Lazy Parent in me understands that!).

Thoughts, suggestions, opinions, options? Help!

Thank You!

[tangledblue]

I am at pretty much the same stage--I'd say DD is mostly potty trained at home, but accidents happen enough that I'm still more comfortable to have her in diapers for a little while longer when we go out (as with naps, of course).

[nolonger]

There's nothing socially unacceptable about a 2.5 year old wearing diapers. Sometimes public bathrooms are hard to find. Holding urine for too long is uncomfortable, distracting, and can cause UTIs.

I still put DS in dipes when we go out, even though he hasn't had an accident at home in at least six months. It doesn't seem to confuse him. He still asks for pee breaks when we're far enough out of town that he can duck behind a tree or when he knows there is a nearby public bathroom.

It works fine for us.

[mokey4]

Could you use pull-ups instead of dipes? Esp cloth, so she feels the wetness. And so she can get them off herself, if she feels motivated to use the potty. I just started using them occasionally, for my 18 month old daughter. I did half-assed EC with her, so she knows all about the potty and will sometimes pee and poop in it. But she doesn't care about going in her diaper. And she's always been in cloth, so she definitely feels it. She doesn't get the whole pull-up thing yet, but I'm hoping she'll eventually figure out that she can get it off (I have shown her). The good thing is that when she refuses a diaper she'll allow a pull-up. Often she'll refuse a diaper, refuse to sit on the potty, and then poop on the floor. Argh!

[tbone_kneegrabber]

That pretty much describes ds's potty learning journey. We just kept at it. I made training pants by adding cloth menstural pads to his underwear (still felt wet but didn't flood) when we went out.

I almost never ASK if he needs to go potty, i just TELL him its time to go potty, and I sometimes take hims yelling and screaming and he almost always goes when I take him. Now he knows that if I tell him its time to try and doesn't fight me so much. We did some "the toys/books/food will still be there, tell the legos 'I'll be right back wait for me!'"

We also had so much more luck with nothing under clothes (either dress/skirt no unders or loose shorts) than with underwear. I kept him like that at home until he was doing really well. He still has accidents, but we try to be very chill about it, although it makes me crazy and I need to just breathe through it!

[junipervt]

why don't you explain to her that you can pee in diapers but not in undies, b/c when you pee in undies it makes a mess. Then ask her if she would like to wear a diaper or undies?

I did this w/ DD starting around her 2nd b-day. At first she was about 50/50 in what she choose. Then about a month ago she started picking undies every time. She has been doing great & has max 1 accident a day, but most days she stays dry.

I also had have her help me clean the pee up when she goes on the floor to help reinforce the reason why it's not a good idea to pee in your undies. I don't make it negative just a fact of life. ya pee on the floor ya gotta clean it up.

DD is 28m

[lifeguard]

The 'method' I've been following actually says to never ask the child if they need to go but rather try to instill a feeling of trust towards them but simply reminding them repeatedly to tell you if they need to go. So far it's going so-so with ds but I like the concept of not constantly double-guessing him if he says no even when I "think" he should need to go. For example, today before nap I would have really liked him to go but he wasn't interested so I left it. He stayed dry right through the 2.5 hour nap - so he knew he didn't need to.

[K1329]

I think I definitely used the lazy parent method... I waited until their 3rd birthdays! After a false start for both kids - some resistance, frustration - I put the dipes back on and waited a few more months. By 3, they were totally physically and emotionally ready and it was done in 3 days. With VERY little parental intervention. In fact, w/ ds, I heard a toilet flush, he said "I made poo in the potty!" and it was basically done. We switched to undies and after two days we did not have another accident! Some people have more patience and time, and prefer to start earlier, but, for us it was really almost a nonevent - waiting until they were older worked wonders. No stress. One day they wore diapers, the next we had a couple of learning accidents, then by the third day it was done.
Oh - as a just in case measure, they wore cotton padded training pants for awhile. You might try those. Just enough padding to stop most of the wetness from hitting the floor, but, definitely more like undies and not a diaper.

[academama]

I don't really have answers for you, but I wanted to address the question of whether you should go back to diapers once you've tried underwear: if your kid has demonstrated that she's not really ready, why not?

Refusing to read your kid's signals that say 'not ready yet' sets you up to turn PLing into a power struggle, which is no good for anyone. I'd just roll with it.

[The4OfUs]

Originally Posted by academama

Refusing to read your kid's signals that say 'not ready yet' sets you up to turn PLing into a power struggle, which is no good for anyone. I'd just roll with it.

: While she may be showing some signs, she's showing one big one that she's not ready.

I also agree with the pp who said to not ASK if she has to go potty (because the answer was always "no" in our house even if they were mid pee when I asked! ) , but remind her WHEN she has to go potty, she needs to put it in the toilet. That lets them know that it's GONNA happen, so when it does, where it goes.

I've done this twice now; DS is 6-1/2, DD is 4 +2 months.

DS trained 2 weeks before he turned 3, in 3 days' time. Up to that point he had NO interest in going on the potty and was perfectly happy being in pullups...and honestly, I think he would have been perfectly content staying in pullups longer, but he somehow got a massive diaper rash from a single, apparently toxic poop and I told him that he needed to be bottomless to keep his skin dry and let it heal, and cleared our schedule and stayed home with him bottomless for a week. The first day I reminded him every 15-30 min that when he needed to go, where he needed to put it. And carried a potty seat around with us from room to room so he was never more than about 10 feet away from a toilet. He used a pullup for bedtime (he was done napping shortly after he turned 2). The second day I reminded (not asked) him every 30 min -1 hour, and used a pullup for bedtime. The third day I reminded every 1-2 hours, and used the pullup. at bedtime. The next day, I decided to see what would happen, and he was....done. Never looked back. Was dry for pee and poop, day and night, no accidents after the first week and I think he had like, 3-5 accidents total that first week. His body and brain connected and he was totally ready.

With DD, she started showing interest around 18 months.....and could, if left bottomless, get about 50% of the time in the potty; I used the same technique of reminding that I did with my son, but she was so much younger the body/brain connection wasn't there yet. Adding in her personality it got tricky - because she *wanted* to be out of diapers and in underwear; and when she wanted to be bottomless it worked out OK; but if she wanted to be in underwear, she'd pee in them - EVERY single time - and she was very LOUDLY opinionated, and there seemed to be no pattern to when she wanted to be bottomless or in underwear, and would FIGHT if you tried to convince her to do the opposite of what she wanted (pulling off the pullup, or repeatedly putting on undwear on her own) - we went back and forth for a long time between being in diapers/pullups when I was getting too frustrated about accidents and she wasn't putting up much of a fight, and her caring and fighting and wanting to be in underwear and me doing a ton of laundry and cleaning and being aggravated (internally). We talked a lot about her brain being ready, but her body not being ready just yet and them not connecting, and it was totally OK and we just had to be patient for her body to catch up - and in the meantime, mom was NOT a fan of cleaning up pee from the floor or washing a ton of underwear every week. When she turned 3, her brain and body finally connected and she was daytime trained in underwear in just a few days with a handful of accidents. For nighttime, however (she also stopped napping shortly after she turned 2 : ) she was in a pullup until she was nearly 4. She's 4 +2 months, and still has a nighttime accident a couple times a month.

Sooo, my vote is that your daughter's brain is ready, but her body hasn't caught up yet and the connection isn't quite there yet, and I'd just keep her in pullups as much as you can, (if she doesn't protest) and try again in 2-4-6 months. But I'm a lazy mom - I'd rather change diapers for an extra 6 months than chase a kid around cleaning up after them and reminding them to go to the bathroom every 30 minutes. When they're really ready it's not a whole lot of effort on your part; I saw it happen in two very different ways with my two very different-personalitied kids.

[PingPong'sMom]

You Mamas are lovely!

We're back in dipes... I don't even offer/ask/tell/remind, although she'll stop and wiggle and say she's tinkling, even looking down to see if it's running down her legs. When I tell her to put the tinkle in the potty, she says No.

So we'll just give it some time. Lazy Parent, at the ready!

Love all your suggestions and will try them when we're ready!

Thank you!

[Violet2]

Elmo's Potty Time DVD is really helpful at teaching kids the basics in a gentle way. We did our best to use it to brainwash DD and it seemed to work well.

We really never used rewards other than in the beginning to keep her on the potty until she peed. So you don't need rewards but we also really emphasized that she was the one doing all the work and in control of her body.

"Are you listening to your body?" as a reminder.

"Where does peepee go?" So she could tell us 'potty'

"Wow. You listened to your body and put you peepee in the potty. Good for you."

IF she was reluctant or refusing to go, I would offer a vitamin as an incentive. But that was not the norm.

Being dry out and about seems to be the last skill to come. So use a pull-up to avoid a mess and don't expect much out of the house yet.

Pooping requires a lot of talking and coaching and a lot of fiber ime. Keep poop soft and there won't be any pooping problems.

V

[redvlagrl]

We are on day 1 of "potty training in 3 days". It's gonig well. DD has peed a few times in the toilet and pooed once (though some was in underpants, she did get some in the toilet direct from the sourece, lol).

She's almost 23 mths. This method says that anytime from 22 mths is great.

PM me if you want more info on the method. Apparentl;y after 3 days that's it - no accidents etc. You throw the diaps away on day on (or pakc them away in our case)

Pls excuse typos, baby in arms.

[happysmileylady]

My oldest was 3.5 before she was potty trained. And even then, it took like 6 months all together. We started right around her 3rd birthday and she quickly got the hang of going when we were out. We were out and about all the time and if we weren't at home, after about the first two or three week, she never had an accident. I stopped carrying a diaper bag around and actually, I think that's what really helped. We had one accident at a time we didn't have a diaper bag or diaper and she ended up having to sit in it all the way home. Yeah, gross, but after that, always told me when she had to go...when we weren't at home.

At home though was a whole other matter. She didn't care if she messed up her clothes, because she could always change. So, finally at 3.5, we went bottomless for two weeks while at home. And if she had nothing on she would go in the potty and after two weeks, she was done. Very few accidents on the floor, she just didn't like it running down her leg:


Now, with my younger one, she's 21 months now. And to my surprise, she's already showing signs of readiness. We have actually had a couple of pee pees in the potty this week. I am 36 wks pg, so we aren't REALLY potty training, just kinda trying it out. We don't even have a potty chair yet and I don't really intend to do anything specific while I have a newborn in the house, so we are just taking the very casual approach and basically just following her lead. If she starts to take a diaper off, we head to the potty. And, before we go somewhere in the car (like you always do with little kids anyway- everyone go potty before we leave.) Sometimes she still has to go, sometimes she just dribbles a smidge because she already went in the dipe. No biggie...I have a huge stockpile of dipes still because I expected her to be in them for at least another year. Oh well, if we are trained by the end of the year, then I will just keep that stock pile for the new one.