See this is why I get scared of throwing things away....

[clutterwarrior]

Bad mummy award goes to me for accidently donating a remote controlled car that my son apparently wanted but he didn't realise it till after I had got rid of it, and DH is annoyed with me because I left 4 rechargeable batteries inside the car, which are expensive to replace.

It's incidents like this that always send me running for the hills, well more accurately it makes me get very nervous about decluttering, as I always seem to end up throwing away something that I later regret, so I have kind of lost my nerve at the moment.

I just feel like I hit a wall with decluttering, as I felt bad for losing us money by throwing out the batteries.

Also even though I have done heaps, my DH keeps pointing out things I have to do next, so I feel a bit unappreciated.

Has anyone else felt like they hit a low spot during decluttering, and started to lose motivation? How did you get motivated again?

[zoebird]

yes, that is a frustrating place.

i focus on what my goals are, personally. if i know that another way of life will be better, then i focus on that. clean and simple is better than clutter. it *is*. and that keeps me motivated.

[prothyraia]

Yep, so you made a mistake in tossing the car and the batteries. It happens.


But think of it this way: Which is worse? The certainty of living in a messy, cluttered, chaotic space because you are too scared to get rid of anything? Or accidentally tossing out a few things that you'll regret losing?

The money to replace those items (or the fact of just having to live without them) is really a small price to pay for a peaceful, beautiful home.

[echospiritwarrior]

oh, I'm sure more electronic cars will bless your DSs future, and that you will check the battery compartment from here on out getting rid of electronic thingamagigs

[goddessjulia]

I have always struggled with this-- I call it overpurging. I had a small pile of toys in the yard sale that I thought would not be missed, but I knew if the bigs saw them they'd be furious oddly enough those didn't sell, so I brought them back in and was glad I hadn't donated them. although I'm being ruthless now, I'm trying to keep it in check so I don't end up needing to re-buy things like I've done every. other. time...

getting remotivated was your question though I guess I usually see it as a sign to take a break, actually, and try to lovingly let myself take that break, so I can then come back to it centered and ready to go again. (not much help, huh? )

that said, I am apparently supposed to be taking a break right now, as I keep finding it impossible to finish the job, but I'm struggling against that. I want to be DONE!

Mercury is retrograde, too, btw

[goddessjulia]

well bite my butt! I just took a load to the thrift store and lo, ds1 flipped and started bawling over a magnetic dartboard that has no darts. I mean, bawling!! I had to take it back.

this reminds me of another one a few days ago. dd had a meltdown for her "moon and tahs" (stars) water bottle, which is irrevocably gone (it was one of the sigg bottles that had bpa in the liner). I reminded her that she got two new ones and told her we didn't have that one anymore. oh, the wailing!

and on we march... they've gotta end up on the therapist's couch for something thirty years from now: "I remember when my mom gave away my favorite water bottle behind my back! I can never trust anyone to value my needs!! waaaaahhhh"

[MisaGoat]

Well, most likely the car and the batteries are gone for good, so move on.
Think about all the things that you've taken out of your home that you really don't miss or didn't need, would you rather still have all that stuff and the car with batteries?

It happens, but there are only two items we've gotten rid of that we actually miss, a set of dishes (I think 4 place settings) and two fabric curtain panels.

[clutterwarrior]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

Yes it's true, that it is better that I have got rid of so much clutter, despite making one mistake. You are right Misagoat, I certainly would not rather still have all that stuff.

One thing I have learned from this, to be more careful when throwing things out that belong to other family members!

[bluebunny]

One thing you could do to help eliminate that immediate dread of a child wanting a toy back is to box up the toys and put them in the attic or garage for 30 days. If the child doesn't notice or ask about them, then donate. If s/he does, then get the toy(s) back out. Obviously, there might be a toy or two that is asked about after the timeframe but it might help.

I think all of us declutterers have tossed a thing or two that we regret. It comes with the territory.

[goddessjulia]

Originally Posted by bluebunny

One thing you could do to help eliminate that immediate dread of a child wanting a toy back is to box up the toys and put them in the attic or garage for 30 days. If the child doesn't notice or ask about them, then donate. If s/he does, then get the toy(s) back out.

a friend of mine calls this "purgatory" so now I do too my purgatory time frame is more like 6 months, but same principle. I've goofed here recently, not following this guideline, b/c of being in a hurry to declutter everything in dealing with these frappin' spiders

[seriosa]

I always ask DS's permission before decluttering his stuff. I mean it is his. But we have a rule (applies to grownups too!) that everything must be put away in an appropriate place. Like books belong in the bookcase only, not stacked on the desk or on the floor. So when his bookcase is full up, it means something old has to leave before anything new comes in. Same for the toy bins, his clothing wardrobe etc. "We can tell your friends not to bring you any birthday presents because we have nowhere to put them anymore". It works. He has expressed atttachment to some specific things (a collection of comic books, his old rocking horse) that he no longer uses, in these cases these items were removed to the basement.

[clutterwarrior]

Originally Posted by seriosa

I always ask DS's permission before decluttering his stuff. I mean it is his.

I did ask him! That is why I get nervous, because kids change their minds and then forget they have said yes. (Actually even I change my mind about things I have thrown away.)

He said yes to me throwing the car out, probably wasn't paying much attention to thinking about whether he really wanted it, but then decided he wanted it later.

Must admit though I did not realise it had the rechargeable batteries inside it, I am more concerned about that really...

[seriosa]

If your son forgot he gave you that permission, then really it is his problem, not yours. I definitely wouldn't beat myself up over that he changed his mind. It can be a learning occasion for him how to pay more attention, or better ponder on his decisions. About the batteries - what a pity, but hey, who doesn't make mistakes. If decluttering is your goal, keep thinking on the overall benefits to everyone - a couple of rechargeable batteries is a reasonable price to pay!

[HappyMommy2]

I agree that a few batteries, and a toy that can be replaced is a very small price to pay! Decluttering is so worth it!

I have found that my daughter likes to get rid of broken toys, puts them in the trash herself.

My son is totally the opposite. And he has a memory like an elephant! He will ask for something months later. Maybe it isn't my shining mama moment, but I have learned to say "I'm not sure, I will keep an eye out for it." I have had a very sad kid for days if I admit it is permantly gone. For my sanity and his, I have to tell this little white lie.

ETA ... if it makes you feel any better, I decluttered two full price airline tix for anywhere in the USA. ugh. We had taken the free offer when our plane was overbooked. Don't think i will ever live that one down!!

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by clutterwarrior

Must admit though I did not realise it had the rechargeable batteries inside it, I am more concerned about that really...

Rechargeable batteries stop taking a charge after a while, anyway. I've decided they aren't that great... I probably saved more money by ds being conscious of turning battery operated toys off to save the battery power than from using rechargeables. People seem to be less conscientious about turning them off when they know they can be recharged.

[JamSamMom]

I read the book Banish Clutter Forever and this sums up my experience after reading the book.

With decluttering I assume a margin of error of 20-30% with my past purchases I have made. I have made mistakes in the past of buying cool kitchen gadgets and clothing on sale that does not suit me in the long run. So I have gotten rid of expensive clothes, kids toys and kitchen gadgets thru garage sales, craigs list and donations. I have since been a more careful shopper and don't buy items on "sale" that I don't need. I am not perfect and now make mistakes maby 5-10% of the time with my shopping.

Anyway, I also assume a 5-10% margin of error for decluttering and realize we may need to replace some items in the future. Paying $100-200 to replace items when my house looks fantastic is still cheaper than hiring a professional organizer. Plus when my house is cluttered I always buy things I already have....BECAUSE I CAN'T FIND THE ITEMS IN ALL THE CLUTTER! So I figure it to be even. Time is money and if I spend 60 minutes a day moving items around to find what I am looking for......and end up buying too many soaps, lotions, muffin pans because I don't know how many I actually have.....I just live in perpetual clutter.

I think the most difficult thing is to FORGIVE ourselves for wasting money in the first place by buying an item that does not quite suit us. We are human and have to refine our margin of error in our shopping. It also takes time to figure out what suits us.....we need to make some mistakes to fine tune our needs. We also need to realize our needs change and something that once suited us may need to be let go to make room in our lives for what suits us now.

[clutterwarrior]

Thank you JamSamMom, your post has been so helpful, think I just had a lightbulb moment reading your post!

HappyMommy2 oh dear that must have been a horrible moment for you when you realised you threw those tix out! I have accidentally decluttered a CD container filled with CD's once, didn't realise it was sitting inside a bag of papers that went into the recycling....I am still kicking myself about that one.

[zoebird]

i once tossed a gift certificate for three massages. nightmare! i love massages. they were a gift from my husband. but, they were in a pile, not filed (as he pulled them out so he would know where they were when i wanted to make a booking!), and i didn't look closely enough at them! oh well!

[goddessjulia]

Originally Posted by JamSamMom

I think the most difficult thing is to FORGIVE ourselves for wasting money in the first place by buying an item that does not quite suit us.

this is BRILLIANT!! and I love this margin-of-error thinking. the massive decluttering I've been doing this summer has me really thinking about wasted money and energy. I keep feeling lighter and lighter!

[HappyMommy2]

Originally Posted by zoebird

i once tossed a gift certificate for three massages. nightmare! i love massages. they were a gift from my husband. but, they were in a pile, not filed (as he pulled them out so he would know where they were when i wanted to make a booking!), and i didn't look closely enough at them! oh well!

This is what my hubby does too. I am trying my hardest to shake this habit! All it does it make it so that nobody can find it. I try to tell him, "you will be able to find it easier if you just put it back in its designated spot." Our house is getting better! Slowly. :-)