anyone have a background check clause in pp?

[DeerMother]

I'm not sure if they're even legal or enforcable. I'm not necessarily worried about x's new gfs. Rather his male roomate who I don't know. I am totally panicked about the thought of molestation and while I know that not all molesters have been caught or have a record, I think I might feel better if there was some kind of filter in place.

[meemee]

do you not have faith in ex that he would make the right decision? has he given you reason for concern that you cant trust his judgement. i cant remember your story.

i am not sure you can write this in your agreement. i know mama's have written in here that ex's have to wait a certin length of time before introducing gf's. not sure about roommates.

that sounds like a lot of control - esp. if you dont have a reason to doubt him.

[kryztuh]

I am also trying to get H to agree to background check on roomates as well and he is balking. It was one of the suggestions in THE agreement thread. I think that landlords do background checks on tenants before renting or leasing, right? So why would it be a big deal/invasion of privacy to require a background check on a roomate who will have potential access to your children during overnights?

I'm with you OP. But I don't know how enforcable it is. I'm waiting for our mediator to weigh-in on this. I'll update when I hear.

[provocativa]

idk. i do know that one of our friends had a male roommate, they had been friends for 20 years, no chance of molestation, the roommate is a great father to his own kids. roommate got a dui- first one- and even though he quit drinking for other medical reasons, and was no danger to the kid, the ex-wife was able to go to court and make the roommate move out (she knew the roommate, knew he was not a danger, but messes with her ex in court all the time). they didn't have a backround check clause or anything, but our friends lawyer told him that the roommate had to move out or he would lose visitation.

[DeerMother]

Originally Posted by meemee

do you not have faith in ex that he would make the right decision? has he given you reason for concern that you cant trust his judgement. i cant remember your story.

i am not sure you can write this in your agreement. i know mama's have written in here that ex's have to wait a certin length of time before introducing gf's. not sure about roommates.

that sounds like a lot of control - esp. if you dont have a reason to doubt him.

He was/is an abusive uav, so no, I don't have a lot of faith or trust that he will make the wisest decisions. I'm not sure I can be too controlling when it comes to protecting my children from predators or abusers.

I'm not concerned about duis or even one or two minor marijuana possesion charges. More concerned about molestion, rape, attempted rape, assault or other violent crimes. It would be a case by case basis, I just want to be in the know of who my children will be exposed to when they overnight there. Obviously I can't/won't know everything and any time you leave the house you are at risk. Maybe I'm just wanting to send a signal to x that I'm putting dc's saftey priority 1 and I will be uber attentive to the going ons over there.

[Roxanne600]

I tried to put one in, but he got really upset, so I dropped it.

However, I do trust him enough to not live with a nut.

[Marsupialmom]

You do realize your roommate or new partner is just as likely to be a molester as his roommate. And your new partner/roommate will have more opportunity. Are you ready for him to request background checks on your new partner/roommate?

Also, what prior history doesn't matter.

[Theia]

Originally Posted by Marsupialmom

You do realize your roommate or new partner is just as likely to be a molester as his roommate. And your new partner/roommate will have more opportunity. Are you ready for him to request background checks on your new partner/roommate?

Also, what prior history doesn't matter.

Not that it's fail safe, but I will run a background check on my next likely-to-get-serious partner. The kind that would be introduced to my DD and such. I don't have an X to show it to, but I would because I would want the same info from him. I don't see it as an invasion of privacy when our DC's safety and well-being are the main interest. And I would do the same if it were simply a roommate situation.

DM - Would you agree to this being a mutual thing that you both shared info on? Even if his choices are your main concern, you could present it to him as a way of both of you being aware and better able to protect your DC, rather than stating it as "I don't trust your ability to choose safe people to be around DC."

[LoveOhm]

I would not waste my energy on adding it to the pp, instead I would plan to get the information myself. (You can ask and if your ex says okay then great but.... don't make a deal out of it.)

I do know people who have it in their pp but at the end of the day it's almost impossible enforce. Before I move in with a man in a romantic way in the future I would most certaily have him checked out. But this can be done by hiring a good PI and he would know none the less. Also you can check online for FREE to see if any child molestors are in the area ---- and I would guess you could also search by name if you knew the person's name.

After quite sometime developing a pp one thing I learned and wish I knew in hindsight is to KEEP THE PP STREAMLINED. What I can do myself or have complete control of does not need to be included in a pp, what we have to do "together" or areas where he would fight me down the road are.

Good luck!