WAHM daycare providers, help with difficult child?

[EarthMommy80]

Cross Posted in Gentle Discipline

I started providing daycare for a friend of mine 2 1/2 weeks ago. She was in a bind, and I could use the extra income, so I agreed to do it. The problem is that I have not had ONE single good day with this kid since I started watching him. He is difiant, angry, mean, abusive both physicaly and verbaly, loud, and overall just a mean kid. I am at my wits end, and every day I fight the urge to tell her not to bring him back to my house ever again! As we speak he is sitting in time out in the floor because he has bashed the chair against the wall so many times my wall is covered in scratches. He has bitten my DS, given him a bloody lip, screamed in his face while having him in a headlock etc. etc. He tells me "NO" whenever I say anything... even before it is out of my mouth.

I have tried redirecting him, talking nice to him, getting angry with him, trying to reason with him, trying to bribe him... and it always ends up him screaming at me! So, he ends up in time out 3-5 times a day, for extended periods of time because he won't stop screaming.

He is almost 6! I have talked to his mom over and over again, and she says she locks him in his room/time out. I asked if there were these problems at his previous day care, and she said she wasn't sure that all she knew was he got time out on occasion (I'm assuming the provider just wasn't telling her everything). Anyways, I'm at my wits end. I am yelling at my own children. I am going to bed immediatley when DP gets home because I am mentaly exhausted.

So, does anyone have any suggestions, or should I cut the ties and let my friend know that I just can't do this? TIA!

[claras_mom]

Not a dcp, but I do have an almost-6 year old.

Is this after school care, or will he start kindergarten soon? It seems possible he's really bored, and that some "big kid" special activity that would challenge him could help. It also seems possible that if he has recently started school, he's not dealing well with the change.

Dd's first day was today. What with one thing and another--including, to be fair, a death in the family--the last couple of weeks have been pretty rough. She's been pushing back pretty hard.

But I've gotta say that this sounds a little...bigger...than that.

[EarthMommy80]

No, he hasn't started school and she isn't sure if she wants to start him yet this year.
He has older kids to play with... for another couple of weeks anyways, untill my DD's go back to school.

[nextcommercial]

It sounds like school would be very good for him. He might rise to the challenge, and that behavior is not as acceptable. Maybe he'd learn better social skills from being in a large group.

If she chooses not to send him to school, I would tell her the arrangement just isn't working out for you. You'd be happy to help if he was a little more pleasant to have over. But, he's being destructive to your property. He's being aggressive, and just hard to enjoy.

I do daycare, and I generally enjoy all of these kids. Most providers have a rule for ourselves. If we have a child that we DREAD seeing walk up to our house, we drop that family, because it's not fair to anyone. You are supposed to enjoy the kids, not dread their arrival.

He may have specific needs or problems, but that doesn't mean you should have to handle them. We aren't equipped for some issues kids may have. There's nothing wrong with saying it's more than you can handle. She's knows this, she's just hoping it will work out.

[EarthMommy80]

Thank you so much for your response Nextcommercial! You have made some GREAT points for me to take into consideration. I think we were both hoping it would work out.

[mamaofprincesses]

I'm not currently a daycare provider, but I have been in the past, and my mom was for years. The advice my mom gave me, was to choose the parents carefully. I know this woman is your friend, but if she is locking him in his room than that is a very different parenting style than it sounds like you have. My mom could, with sufficient time, get any chld acclimated to her rules and routines. She could not work with certain families where the parents were unwilling to address major issues, or caused problems.

Good luck!