Adoption related-Still food obsessed - Page 3

[lolar2]

Not about adoption, but about food/ disordered eating/ Sierra's scenario, check out the website http://www.fatnutritionist.com. Also consider that it's entirely possible that her birth parents might be genetically big people.

[Marsupialmom]

Sierra,

I really have to agree with you. I have skinny kids though. That need to eat a lot. I remember how my friends were amazed at how much they "had" to eat to be healthy and happy. Yes, I did have to learn how to use proteins and good fat so they didn't drive nuts.

[TTCH785]

So much information, and so much help. I can't thank any of you enough for helping me through this. I am starting to realize that maybe my own issues about healthy bodies and healthy eating have influenced me being able to help my daughter. Helping my other children learn to have a healthy relationship with food was so easy.

I am going to do the "bootcamp", and prepare myself for the battle to be over. I cannot keep battling with her over food. I am just as afraid (if not more so) of her being anorexic when she gets older, and don't want to restrict her from what she wants and needs.

I am devastated, though, that all of the professionals have not had an ounce of helpful advice, and when I went to them, I think in the back of my mind it didn't feel right. Sierra's scenario hit the nail on the head in all areas and it explains everything very well.

We are hopefully now on the road to healing. I want to keep this board advised as to our progress (maybe once a month?) because I feel strongly about there being resources available for someone else that may encounter similar problems in the future.

A now hopeful mom,

Anna (and her beautiful Ethiopian daughter, K)

[pumpkingirl71]

Originally Posted by ram3113

So much information, and so much help. I can't thank any of you enough for helping me through this.
A now hopeful mom,

Anna (and her beautiful Ethiopian daughter, K)

again I just wanted to say that you are a great mom! It is really hard to ask for and get advice, and even more so when you are at the end of your rope! Please keep us posted.

[texmati]

Anna, what a wonderful update in your last post! I originally came back to this thread to edit my posts-- I'm sorry if I came off harsh. I hope that better days are in your future!

[lauren]

I'm sure it is highly unlikely that your daughter has this syndrome, but I just wanted to share this in case in the future it is helpful information. I believe it is a simple genetic test to rule it out (Prader-Willi Syndrome).

http://www.ipwso.org/what-is-pws/

[christophersmom]

I have read some of your posts and the advice above and you have gotten a lot of good advice. Please don't take this the wrong way and I may be way off base. One thing that has resonated with me from all the posts is that it never seemed like enough food to me. Even now with 10 ounces of milk, that seems low. I know DS at that age drank 32+ ounces of milk which the ped thought was high, but it wasn't for him. I just think every kid is different. We just vacationed with a family where the 6-year old kid gets three meals, two snacks AND 4 PB&J sandwiches a day (on 100% whole wheat bread). This is also the same kid at 18 months would chug 3 8-ounce bottles every morning. He is not fat or even chubby, he just seems to have this super high metabolism. You can't base what your previous kids ate to know what the next ones will need. My DD is 13 months and drinks 16+ ounces of milk or formula a day. Her dinner tonight was one jar of baby food, 4 ounces of chicken breast, about a half cup of noodles, quarter cup of cucumbers, 6 ounces of water and then still drank 6 ounces of formula. This was also after a late snack of 3 graham crackers and a saltine cracker. She came to us really chubby (16 1/2 pounds at 5 months) but has leaned up and she eats a lot.

With the bottles, you mentioned you have never tied to see how much she would drink. Try that.

Good luck, I can't imagine how hard it has been and seems like the doctors haven't helped.

[Minxie]

Forum crashing but...OP, you have mentioned that your daughter is CHUBBY. Can you give some numbers so we understand what you mean by chubby? My son's godmother thought he was chubby when he was a baby but that was because her daughter was very slight and petite. My son was 10lbs, 11 ozs at birth and her daughter was only 5lbs, 6 ozs; he outweighed her by the time he was 2.5 and she was 5.75 years old. My son at age two could eat more than me, especially during a growth spurt. Some days he eats lots and lots, some days practically nothing.

I also agree with the idea of a snack shelf. I taught my son at 18mths how to open the fridge and get himself a yogurt or fruit. As a single parent, it was most critical to me that he be able to feed himself in the event something happened to me. At four years now, he easily self-regulates his food intake; water, notsomuch. He gets so busy during the day that he doesn't drink enough water. I got around the water issue by buying a reusable water bottle with a cool design for him; he drinks one full bottle (about 20 ozs) each day during the school day. This is in addition to milk at breakfast (4-8ozs) and milk or water with dinner.

Also the idea of a nutritional need, especially protein, not being met. When my body can't ascertain what I need, I can eat ALL DAY LONG and not meet that need. Best of luck to you and your family!

[lach]

I'm forum crashing too, but I just wanted to say that what she's eating doesn't sound like all that much for a toddler. At that age, both of my kids ate/eat more than I do. My son is 18 months and he eats 2 breakfasts (one when he wakes up at about 7 and a second one when his sister eats about an hour later) and then a big lunch at about 11 (usually he will eat what's on his plate, and then what is on his sister's), and then a snack after his nap, and then dinner at 4:30 or 5 (and, again, he'll eat what's on his plate and what's on his sister's). And he is 50th %tile for weight and 75th for height!

My daughter is 3 and subsists entirely on air, so far as I can tell (also the occasional raisin and sometimes, when the stars align, a bagel), but when she was his age, she was the same way.

900 calories a day for a toddler really doesn't sound like enough to me! But I'm basing that on my experiences, where both of mine literally ate more than me. They have very, very fast metabolisms at that age.

I am very sorry that you're going through this, and I hope that it all works out. I do remember how it was downright embarrassing that my DD would beg for food whenever she saw it... like I didn't feed her at home! But a lot of toddlers act like that. I've read that one of the reasons that parents complain about "picky eating" of 2 year olds is that their caloric needs really drop then, because they stop growing so quickly, and parents are concerned because the child used to eat anything and now only picks at meals that are portioned the same size they had been 6 months earlier.

[Minxie]

Originally Posted by lach

I've read that one of the reasons that parents complain about "picky eating" of 2 year olds is that their caloric needs really drop then, because they stop growing so quickly, and parents are concerned because the child used to eat anything and now only picks at meals that are portioned the same size they had been 6 months earlier.

ITA. My son at 18 mths ate ANYTHING I gave him until his belly was full. At that age, he ate breakfast at home, breakfast at school, snack, lunch, snack, snack at home, dinner, and snack before bed so usually 6-8 meals each day.

At four, he is SIGNIFICANTLY more discriminate in what and how much he eats. Now he eats breakfast at home, snack at school, lunch, snack at school, snack after school (sometimes), dinner, and possibly a banana before bed (if he doesn't eat all his dinner.) Now, however, he doesn't eat everything he is served unless he's in a growth spurt, in which case I am sending EXTRA snacks and more lunch to school.

For example, he used to eat ham-and-cheese sandwiches with lettuce and tomato. Now he will only eat ham and spinach rolls (roll spinach inside of thin slice of ham.) He won't eat the bread or the cheese or the lettuce or the tomato; if put together in a sandwich, he will pull out just the ham and eat it. I'm big on not wasting food so if he will eat ham-and-spinach rolls, it's no skin off my nose to make them. Sooner or later, he'll eat sandwiches again; his food choices cycle around eventually.

[queenjane]

My son is 2.5 and he has AT LEAST 24 ounces of milk each day. He is really into milk and lately has been eating almost nothing, but he loves his milk. At 15 months, my other son was drinking anywhere from 3 to 5 8oz bottles of formula each day (he doesnt like milk)...10 ounces of milk each day, if thats what the OP meant, doesnt seem nearly enough for a child that age.

[tiffani]

isn't this forum wonderful?

Our most recent photos of the little girl we're heading over to adopt shows a beautifully pudgy little 14 month old baby girl who doesn't appear to be walking yet. As soon as I saw the photos of her I thought of your situation, and wondered how your little girl was doing, and am so glad I checked in here, so much wonderful information! I wholeheartedly agree with sierra (and others) and would encourage you to give the unlimited access to food idea at least a few months -- if she routinely eats to the point of throwing up after several weeks, you might want to investigate further, but her body and her mind both need to recognize that healthy, fatty, protein-rich foods are in plentiful abundance. Once she has learned that, and her body is healthy, she will become more interested in being active, like all healthy kids are.

Avocados are wonderful snacks to bring along, as they can be simply cut in half and eaten with a spoon -- I can't wait to share a Ugandan avocado with my babies!

[lookatreestar]

man, these mamas are awesome!! so wise and willing to share their ideas. i have to agree with most of them.

another thing- my mom is very concerned about weight and appearance (she had an eating disorder as a teen, and i really don't think she is over it, she still loves to not eat). she will make comments about my daughter getting chubby, like she is SO worried and it is the worst thing in the world that could happen. in reality my dd goes through phases, she eats a lot and chunks up, then she will start eating like a bird and/or go through a growth spurt and sprout up. we don't see my mom often so we don't hear the comments anymore but it drove me UP the wall. she was a baby, and we nursed on demand and was never spoon fed. she eats on her own accord!!

i also second kids being VERY different. genetics are huge, body types, metabolism, etc. even my two, my dd was a huuuuuuuge chubby baby, rolls upon rolls and she still is bigger than most girls her age, she is just not petite (neither i am, i am short as well but i have a lot of muscle), where as my ds is not a light weight, he is more average 27lbs @ 15 months) but he is long and lean.

hang in there mama, keep us updated!

[D_McG]

Also forum crashing to say that 900 calories doesn't sound like enough at all to me! My little girl eats constantly. And totally begs for food. It does sound like your little girl is on the extreme end of things. But there is a really good chance that she's legitimately hungry. I think you've been given some bad advice IRL

Might be interesting to explore your own body image/food values here too. Maybe you grew up with someone who had an ED? I know my own mother is utterly obsessed with food/eating/not eating/being thin/fat people are disgusting etc. And it's been quite a trip for me to extricate myself from all that. Your fear of giving her access to more food is very striking. I know you'll make this work for all of you!

[TTCH785]

Hello,

To update those who asked, my daughter is kind of short for her age (30 inches) and 22.5 pounds. She has gained a pound in about a month from 18 months old to 19 months old. Doesn't this in itself indicate that she is getting enough food? I'm not sure.

She also has an umbilical hernia, and I believe she has VERY WEAK stomach muscles, maybe even a separation of the rectus (sp?) muscle. Could this be the cause of the "bulging" stomach? Some of it is fat, but most of it is not, I think.

My next issue is this: She has quite the pot belly, which is where the "chubby" part comes in. When she wakes in the morning, it is much smaller, but still there, but after each meal/bottle, her stomach continues to expand at an alarming rate. This is to the degree that her diaper is getting hard to fit her at night time. I'm not sure this is fat, though, because it seems to "deflate" by the morning. Her thighs are a healthy chubby, but when she came home, her thighs were enormous and you couldn't even see her kneecaps. She was a VERY inactive baby in the orphanage, and only started walking at 18 mo. old.

My concern is with the fact that she is already gaining weight at a steady rate. I'm not sure what this means in terms of giving her unlimited access to food and increasing her intake by another 50% or so.

I think people are misunderstanding me, in one respect, in that I would not have a problem giving her unlimited food if she was gaining at a normal rate, or not gaining at all because she was super active. She is neither. She is not super active, and is ALREADY gaining weight with the 1000 or so calories she is getting now. I give her 3 meals and 2 snacks, along with 3 bottles approx. 4 oz each. So should I just let her continue to eat unlimted food and maybe she is just going through a growth spurt?

I know of many people in my life who have children that even eat more than my daughter and never get that inflated stomach, for one, and can eat and eat and eat and never seem to get fat. Yes, I am concerned she will get an unhealthy fat. I have to be honest. I fought with my weight my whole adult life, and I know what suffering it causes to try and break the habit of eating too much. I never wanted that for my kids.

This is a painful issue for me, and I still want to thank each and every one of you for taking the time to try to help. And again, nothing offends me, because I want to have an open enough mind that can accept the truth even if it hurts. I want to resolve this.

Thank you,

Anna

[WifeMomChiro]

Her belly bloating sounds like a food intolerance issue to me. I would get her tested soon.

[Minxie]

I agree with the PP that it sounds like she is bloated as opposed to being fat, especially as it seems to be happening directly after meals.

For reference, at two years old my son was in the 90th percentile for both height (36.25") and weight (33 lbs). There wasn't such a huge difference between the numbers as what your daughter's numbers have. For my son, I expect his weight to be roughly equal to his height; one pound per inch or thereabouts. His current numbers bear this out; at age 4.5, he weighs 48 lbs and is 45" tall but DEFINITELY NOT fat. He's proportional and healthy.

I DEFINITELY would NOT conclude that your daughter is overweight. If she was, or seemed to be, it might have been attributable to malnutrition as well as a lack of exercise.

[lookatreestar]

my dd is short and her belly has always been more pronounced.

i'd also say maybe an allergy? i know milk bloats me and dd in a horrible way.

[texmati]

Originally Posted by ram3113

Yes, I am concerned she will get an unhealthy fat. I have to be honest. I fought with my weight my whole adult life, and I know what suffering it causes to try and break the habit of eating too much. I never wanted that for my kids.

This is a painful issue for me, and I still want to thank each and every one of you for taking the time to try to help.

Thank you for sharing this. I too have had issues with weight my whole adult life-- (and quite a bit of my childhood). I honestly think that you need to focus on having a healthy relationship with your daughter, and focus her on having a healthy relationship with food. I would try very, very hard not to worry about her getting fat right now. Have you tried feeding her unlimited foods? Give it some time for a month. I'd also suggest seeking out therapy s.

[lolar2]

This is a blog post/ essay that might help you not to feel so afraid of letting her eat until she is full:

http://ccafeteria.blogspot.com/2007/...d-feeding.html

And another:

http://www.fatnutritionist.com/index...ng-my-kid-fat/

The belly bloating and deflating can't be "fat" or it wouldn't deflate.