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Originally Posted by ASusan
 Your DH needs to read up on child development. Toddlerhood is peak age for separation anxiety. Your DH fueled it (unintentionally, of course) by being out of town for 2 weeks, even if he wasn't the "attachment parent," he still left the scene and rocked the stable little world of your DS. Of COURSE he's clinging to the one who sticks around. DUH. She might up and leave, too, for all he knows.
Separation anxiety peaks when toddlers are mobile. Evolution was cool that way. The ones who ran back and clung to their caregivers about the time they learned to wander off are the ones who lived to reproduce. Little by little, they learn to wander safely, farther, and for longer periods of time. Then, they get married and start the whole cycle again. There are a gazillion links about separation anxiety. http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.or...nxiety-faq.htmHere's one - And another And it doesn't necessarily go away by 18 or 24 mos -- and another (from a more general article about childhood fears) - And the PP are right - the illness contributed to this, as he wasn't feeling well, AND dad left. My son didn't let me go to the bathroom alone (without significant protest) from 14 mos until...last week? (he's almost 3). |
My son never had a lick of separation anxiety from birth on....walked right into preschool without looking back at 3-3/4 (having never been out of my care for more than a couple hours until I gave birth to his sister when he was 2-1/2), never had a doubt about Kindergarten, and is stoked for first grade starting in 2 weeks. So when my daughter had serious separation anxiety for the first 18 months of her life (with a brief respite from 9-10 months), it was like she had her own, plus all of it that he never had - and it knocked me for a loop - I went from being the woman who could hand DS off to any friend or family member for an hour to the woman who had DD, who nobody but I could hold without blood curdling screams for the first 6 months of her life.
. I couldn't even go into the kitchen to put a dish in the sink without her freaking out. It was *draining*. She was perfectly happy as long as she could see me, and *could* get to me if she wanted to....but if she couldn't see me, or if there was something preventing her from getting to me, LOOK OUT. 
She started coming out of it right around 18 months, then had about 4 months of it around 3 years old, and now at 4 +2 months, seems to be out of it again, one would think for good, but I wouldn't be surprised if it comes back at kindergarten, given her personality. I'm sure people thought I was crazy for keeping ehr with me as much as I did and not "making" her get used to being without me, but I just told them that until she could have a conversation with me about what was going on, this was how I was going to do it. And she's no more clingy or insecure than most 4 year olds; she's happy, energetic, and cannot wait to try new things now.As long as you don't prevent them from doing things they want to do, you're not stunting anything or making anyone clingy. Forcing a kid who doesn't want to separate to separate is not going to make them independent.
Having said all that, I think it's a separate issue with the "up, up" thing. I see absolutely nothing wrong with you setting limits about carrying him around - that's a toddler/tantrum kind of thing really IMO, not a separation anxiety thing. I see nothing wrong with telling a 17-month-old, 'mommy's arms are tired, we're going to sit together now' and then comforting him through a tantrum if he has one. Being with him because he needs you doesn't mean you have to do exactly what he wants if you're physically or emotionally burnt out. Sometimes all I could muster with DD was sitting next to her zoning out with a book, computer, or TV. I used to tell DD, "I can't carry you right now, but we can hold hands and walk together" and we'd walk together to wherever we were going. Or I'd carry her to whatever room I was going to, and then put her down next to me.
