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How to get over a bad relationship - need as much support as I can get - Page 2

post #21 of 36
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ReadingMama View Post
Even though you've done what I recommended, I'm glad I posted it because it might help someone else.

You know, it really sounds like you're done. The more you post, the less it seems like you're still stuck. That's great!
Your advice was great. It is really helpful to get as much of it out as possible. I hope others do find use for it.

I think I am really done too. I know it would only continue to worsen if I let him back in. I feel so good about getting rid of as much as possible. All of it is gone now. I checked my computer and deleted anything from him or about him, except for my latest "why to stay away" list. All of his gifts and stuff are in the dumpster.

He will find a way to get in touch with me no matter what I do. He will either call my land line from a different phone or just show up at my door or email me at work or maybe even on here. I'll still be a little nervous for a while every time my phone rings or I go in or out of my apartment, but I will just call the police when he does it.
post #22 of 36
is it possible to get a few weeks out of town? maybe visit family and get a clear head?
post #23 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by mimim View Post
Ok, cell # changed, email addy deleted, blocked his numbers on my land line. Whew. That was a lot of work, but worth it.
You will be SO glad you did this!

You are probably about to enter a really challenging period, especially once he realizes what's going on and escalates his behavior. I wish you strength.
post #24 of 36
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lynsage View Post
You will be SO glad you did this!

You are probably about to enter a really challenging period, especially once he realizes what's going on and escalates his behavior. I wish you strength.
Thanks, I'm already glad I did it and I doubt he'll discover what I did for several days at least. I'll need all the strength I can get. I think he will likely panic when he realizes what I've done. It only took a few hours of unreturned texts, emails, and tearful voicemails before he showed up at my place last time. When he can't reach me at all, it's gonna be bad.

Quote:
Originally Posted by texmati View Post
is it possible to get a few weeks out of town? maybe visit family and get a clear head?
Excellent suggestion, but no, not possible. I'm a teacher. I go back to work in a week and a half. Starting school will help distract me immensely, but it won't have the same avoidance of contact that getting out of town would.
post #25 of 36
If you have family that he gets along with well enough, let them know what's going on and to not communicate also. One of my ex-crazies did that and one of my sisters ex-crazies did too. Hers actually went on and on about how HE was victimized to that relative ( mine was just digging for dirt to use against me, this was a more distant relative he talked to so they didn't know much, lol). There is no low too low that some of these will go to. If the family is forewarned they can just not answer the calls or their door (this relative didn't know what was up or this likely wouldn't have happened). After awhile most will turn their attention to finding an easier victim. Some are a little more persistent but they too are after the same goal, someone to control, bully, and push around. If you're no longer their type of victim they'll move onto someone who is.
post #26 of 36
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by wednesday2004 View Post
If you have family that he gets along with well enough, let them know what's going on and to not communicate also.
He barely knows anyone in my family or any of my friends and those that he has met have been telling me to get away for months. He is the type to try to isolate his victims from everyone. All clear on that one, but a good point for people with different particulars.

Quote:
Originally Posted by wednesday2004 View Post
After awhile most will turn their attention to finding an easier victim. Some are a little more persistent but they too are after the same goal, someone to control, bully, and push around. If you're no longer their type of victim they'll move onto someone who is.
This is true. BUT, I know that he tried (and failed) to get back with his exgf almost two years after they had last been together. This was a few weeks after I had just told him that I had cheated on him. He contacted me an hour after she shot him down.
post #27 of 36
One of the crazies I was mentioning tries to get in contact every once in a while. I think he likes to keep a list in case he gets dumped (or when) by one he can move right on to the next. It's all a game to some of them.
post #28 of 36
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by wednesday2004 View Post
One of the crazies I was mentioning tries to get in contact every once in a while. I think he likes to keep a list in case he gets dumped (or when) by one he can move right on to the next. It's all a game to some of them.
It's desperation for this guy. It's hard for him to find someone who can accept his oddness that he can't hide whether he tries or not. I tend to like odd people, so I unfortunately gave him the chance to latch on to me.

A question. I'm trying to decide whether to turn off the answering machine on my land line or just let him leave a message and not respond. I think he is likely to use a pay phone or something to call it pretty soon. Maybe tonight, maybe this weekend, maybe one of my non-kid nights next week. I'm thinking I will just turn the ringers off on my phones at night and delete any messages I get from him. But if the phone just rings and rings, then he is more likely to show up in person. If he can leave a message, he might assume I'm not home and not bother with trying to doorbell. Although he is really jealous (surprise, surprise) so it might drive him nuts thinking I'm with some guy if he tries me at night and I appear to be out. And I'd rather not have to hear his voice, or give him any chances to vent or beg, so I might just unplug the phone all together.

So, I'm not sure what I will do... WWYD in my situation?
post #29 of 36
Leave the machine on and save all the messages. They're evidence.

If he shows up in person, photograph, or even better, videotape it, so you will have proof that he showed up there. Make sure you can be heard clearly on the tape telling him to leave you alone, stop contacting you, and get off your property.
post #30 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by mimim View Post
Excellent suggestion, but no, not possible. I'm a teacher. I go back to work in a week and a half. Starting school will help distract me immensely, but it won't have the same avoidance of contact that getting out of town would.
I'm sorry. The winters holidays are around the corner, though. Hopefully that will help.
post #31 of 36
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by texmati View Post
I'm sorry. The winters holidays are around the corner, though. Hopefully that will help.
OMG! I hope I'm not still dealing with this by then! I know I'll still have some emotional issues lingering or a while, but I better be on my way towards healing before winter. Thanks for the reality check though. I'm always rushing myself to get over him. I'll be like, "It's been 2 weeks. Why am I still thinking about this?"

post #32 of 36
I hope you'll be done with this by the end of the year, but at least it something to look forward too!
post #33 of 36
Thread Starter 
OK, It's been a week. Why am I still thinking about this? Just kidding, but I am having a down day today. I'm so much better off without him, but this is still hard.
post #34 of 36
It is hard. But just keep remembering how much more difficult your life would be if he was still a part of it. If you can distract yourself by getting out of the house. Go visit friends or hang out in a park with a good book. Don't sit around and think about him too much.
post #35 of 36
It's been two weeks and he hasn't gotten ahold of you?! That's AWESOME!!

post #36 of 36
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BabyMae09 View Post
It's been two weeks and he hasn't gotten ahold of you?! That's AWESOME!!


Oops. Actually it's only been one week.
I'll fix my other post. But a whole week and nothing IS a really good sign.


And Theia, thanks for the kick in the butt. I was procrastinating on getting out of the house. I'm on my way out now and I have dinner plans with a good friend too
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