DS touched his sister's privates.

[lovingmommyhood]

I have an almost six year old boy, a four year old boy and a 2 year old girl. In the mornings while I shower I leave them downstairs in our living room playing. Well, DD is potty training and has learned to take off her diaper. When I came down this morning my four year old told me "Declan was touching Leah's privates!" so I went down, saw she had her diaper off and called her over to me. I looked at her and put the diaper on and she was fine. DS1 didn't seem worried or upset that he'd be in trouble, he just sat there playing with the puzzle he was doing. I called him over to me and talked to all three of them really about how we don't touch other people's privates because they belong to them.

I don't know what else to say and I'm scared to say the wrong thing. I don't want to make them upset since they all acted completely normal and the kids run around naked quite a bit, it's not abnormal in our house, but I also don't want DS to think it's appropriate to do that as I think he's the age where he can understand. Is this common? Should I just not leave them alone together? My DS2 also tends to exaggerate (just this morning he claimed I was ripping his arm off when I was taking him upstairs to wash his hands. Things like that that I know are not true.) and so I am not sure how much touching there really was. I was only in the shower for ten minutes.

Any ideas? Suggestions? Experiences?

TIA

[sept04mama]

I don't think you need to do anything else besides what you did. This has happened a few times with my boys (well they bathe together) and I just explain that those are something you don't touch of others. If they need a reminder, I list the 3 people that can touch: yourself, mommy or daddy if you need help, and the doctor if mommy or daddy is there and says it's okay. Just remain matter-of-fact, because it's nothing to act weird about.

[lovingmommyhood]

Originally Posted by sept04mama

I don't think you need to do anything else besides what you did. This has happened a few times with my boys (well they bathe together) and I just explain that those are something you don't touch of others. If they need a reminder, I list the 3 people that can touch: yourself, mommy or daddy if you need help, and the doctor if mommy or daddy is there and says it's okay. Just remain matter-of-fact, because it's nothing to act weird about.

Okay, good. Well I definitely didn't act mortified or anxious. I just kept my face neutral and talked to them. I don't want it to be taboo in our house to be naked or to make it sexual but I also want my kids to have some boundaries with such things. KWIM?

[pbjmama]

I think what you said was fine too. I would probably be proactive and take dd with me to shower until the getting naked all the time phase is over.

[tallulahma]

i would do as you did, gently remind them and be proactive.

kids forget/lack impulse control... i just try to redirect, casually ask them to stop and reaffirm that we should respect peoples space and bodies, and keep a diaper on if its recurring frequently.

its a phase. it will pass.

from what ive read 4-6 is the age this all starts being more frequent. they become more aware of differences, more curious, etc.

[Marsupialmom]

6 year olds are not always completely understand the differences in bodies. IMO, it would be reasonable that he looked because he was could not figure out how pee comes out (among other things).

My nephew was about that age when he "had to" watch me change my daughter. He said very matter of factly, "OH, that is what a vagina looks like." Then walked off. He was and is not a pervert but was a curious 6 year old boy.

I would in a week or two do a "talk" maybe have a book with child appropriate pictures.

[lovingmommyhood]

And I know it sounds silly to say "privates" we do use the proper words in our house I think it's just that DS used it as an all encompassing word. I don't know that he knew EXACTLY what DS touched, labia, anus...etc. Could've been just her little butt cheeks for all I know. *laughs*

Thank you for all the advice!

ETA I did tell him that I understood he may be curious about the difference between a girl's body and a boy's body and that that was normal but that he still had to respect that was his sister's body, not his to touch.

[Cascadian]

I think it's pretty age appropriate. If your DS was, like, 12, then I'd have an altogether different opinion.