How much time with other kids?

[DevaMajka]

How much time do you like your child to spend with other kids (without much adult interaction)? For those who's kids go to school, how much afterschool time do you like you child to spend with other kids?

We live on a cul-de-sac with 3 families with kids roughly the same age. Ds1 would spend all day playing with his friends if he could, lol. Sometimes it feels like it's a bit much, but I would sort of feel bad having him come home when he's having fun outside.

Basically my question is, how long is too long when it comes to playing with peers?

[tallulahma]

i do not think there is a too long if its not too often... that said, i notive overstimulation in my 5yo dd after a couple hours. she also has a hard time if we are socializing everyday.

i think it differs for each kid.

[meemee]

my dd has a HIGH energy level.

she also is not a big fan of school. right from K. sitting and focusing was too much down time. she had to break FREEEEEEEEEEEEeeee after school. so i'd pick her up at 2, go to the park or do something come home around 6 cook dinner and then bedtime.

actually even from ps she has been like that. dd does not like staying home.

she also loooooooooooooooves interaction and finds just her and me is v. boring. when we were visiting my mom in her apt bldg when dd was 3 i wouldnt see her for hours. she'd be over at any of the neighbours - mostly adults during the day, probably also eat lunch out there and then come home to tell me she is going down to play with the kids at around 4 and then come home to eat at around 8.

outside was what summer was like this year. it was one long sleepover. either dd was over but mostly since most of my friends work and i am off from school with free time i had the kids over who complained when they had to go home.

[HappilyEvrAfter]

for my kid there is no such thing as "too much social interaction".

Unless we have other obligations, he free to set his own limits and come home when he's had enough.

[LynnS6]

I don't set limits with the neighborhood kids, unless they fall into squabbling and bickering so that I can't stand it.

During the summer, our kids usually spend the morning at home because their friends aren't out yet, and then the afternoons are mostly with friends. Evenings vary. If I have something we need to do or want to do, we just interrupt to do it. They go back to their friends when we're done.

Because of our climate, once it starts to rain, we don't see many kids. So, we tank up in the summer while we can.

[DariusMom]

Gosh. Our DS is 7.5 and we really don't have limits with the neighborhood kids. We live in a safe, almost car-free neighborhood and we know a lot of families, including the family of DS' best friend (who we know quite well). Unless we have other commitments, he's free to play as much as he wants (though we well pull him in if there's bickering, if he's overly tired, or if he hasn't done his chores)

During the school week, he goes to afterschool care two afternoons a week and has various activities during the other afternoons (his choice), though he still has at least one afternoon every week for a spontaneous playdate, should it arise. I simply wouldn't think to limit his "free play" time unless there were some actual problem(s) going on.

[EdnaMarie]

My first daughter is three, so she can't play unsupervised, but she has four to 4.5 hrs in pre-school (she never wants to leave), plus an average of three hours at the park with minimal parental intervention.

In winter, we plan to be outdoors with friends, or indoors, an average of an hour per day at least.

My children both love being outdoors with other children. So it's good for us. I can't freaking wait until they can go outside themselves! They would be out dawn 'til dusk, I bet my life on it.

[mamazee]

In the summer my 8-year-old runs around from morning to night, with breaks for meals, and even often has friends over for lunch and/or dinner or eats at someone else's house for lunch and/or dinner.

After school if there aren't any activities, she runs around from after school until dinner, but after dinner she has things she has to do at home.

[dawncayden]

I think the more the better but I like ds to come in and have snacks and drink water every 2 hours or so. I like him to do this on his own and to not bring his friends with him. I feel like we need a re-connect time as well as a mini play with his brother who is 16 months.
I think back to when I was a kid and I'd be out from after breakfast until it got dark. I'd come in for lunch and for bathroom breaks, but during the summer I'd be out ALL day. I'm also a 'free range parent' if you want to title it so I want to take full advantage of ds playing outside and not inside watching tv, playing video games etc.
It's also something that started out small and got longer and longer. Ds is 4.5 and plays with kids ranging from 4-10 years in our complex. At 3.5 he'd go out for 30 minutes and then I'd get him to come in. Now he's out a lot more and seems to be very responsible and has a lot of creative fun with the other kids.
So in our house we mix Free Range with Hold Onto Your Kids and so far it's working well

[Pumpkin_Pie]

My DS is almost 3.5 and he is generally out from 10ish until nearly bedtime with breaks for snacks/meals/water/potty trips. I usually check in with him about every half hour to hour, but like an above poster, we live in a nearly car-free apartment complex. My apartment is also right next to a large greenspace/playground and he just learned how to ride his bike, so he spends most of the day just riding around the bike path that goes around the entire greenspace with his friends. There are a ton of kids in our neighborhood, not all of whom I approve of, but he does have four friends that I really like and if they are out there with him, I let him play unsupervised pretty much for as long as he wants to. They are 5, 8, 10 and 14 and all sisters from the same family. The sisters all think of him as their little brother and all of them, DS included know to come to me if a squabble breaks out, or if some big kids are acting in ways that make them feel uncomfortable. They usually report to me three or four times a day anyway, and I check in at least that many times as well, not including meals/snacks/potty reminders, so there is quite a bit of checking in.

[EdnaMarie]

My DS is almost 3.5 and he is generally out from 10ish until nearly bedtime with breaks for snacks/meals/water/potty trips.

Is there a "jealous" smiley? We get the cops called on us if a child under nine is unsupervised.

[DevaMajka]

I forgot to add in my OP that this is most days of the week. But it seems like most of you are/would be ok with it. I do like the kids he's playing with, so I count myself lucky on that regard!

It's working for us, but:

Originally Posted by dawncayden

I feel like we need a re-connect time

I think that gets to the biggest issue that I have with it. I feel sort of isolated from him. I guess that's what happens when kids get older, but I was thinking "older" didn't mean 6yo! lol.

I also am having trouble getting him to do "chores" (things like cleaning up after himself, etc), and when he's out all day, it's near impossible to get him to do it. I suppose I'll have to get organized and have clean-up time in the mornings, before he goes out to play.

[Pumpkin_Pie]

Originally Posted by EdnaMarie

Is there a "jealous" smiley? We get the cops called on us if a child under nine is unsupervised.

Our neighborhood is extremely unusual, but it is a large apartment complex with very large courtyards that connect between three large buildings forming a "U" shape. One side of our courtyard is butted up against a VERY large green space, so DS literally has acres to run around on with no chance of running into a road. He would have to cross several parking lots in order to get to a road, and he knows that he isn't allowed in the parking lots or the roads, and I trust him. There are TONS of kids running wild all the time, and although there is the occasional scuffle, or minor injury, everyone reports in to parents when a child needs help pretty quickly. It feels more like the 70's than the 2010's, and I love it!

[EdnaMarie]

Originally Posted by Pumpkin_Pie

Our neighborhood is extremely unusual, but it is a large apartment complex with very large courtyards that connect between three large buildings forming a "U" shape. One side of our courtyard is butted up against a VERY large green space, so DS literally has acres to run around on with no chance of running into a road. He would have to cross several parking lots in order to get to a road, and he knows that he isn't allowed in the parking lots or the roads, and I trust him. There are TONS of kids running wild all the time, and although there is the occasional scuffle, or minor injury, everyone reports in to parents when a child needs help pretty quickly. It feels more like the 70's than the 2010's, and I love it!

You are so lucky! At least you appreciate it. Good for you. That's awesome. I know my daughter would be good about the road, but there are just no other kids out alone and their parents would be all over me if I let her out.

[DariusMom]

Originally Posted by DevaMajka

I think that gets to the biggest issue that I have with it. I feel sort of isolated from him. I guess that's what happens when kids get older, but I was thinking "older" didn't mean 6yo! lol.

I also am having trouble getting him to do "chores" (things like cleaning up after himself, etc), and when he's out all day, it's near impossible to get him to do it. I suppose I'll have to get organized and have clean-up time in the mornings, before he goes out to play.

I completely get this. DS has age appropriate chores, but neither of us are morning people so they don't get done then. In the Summer, that means he's out all day, then is tired and cranky about doing them in the evenings. During the school year, he often has a spontaneous playdate with kids from school or runs off with neighborhood kids (many of whom go to the same neighborhood school around the corner that DS goes to). I just need to get more organized and a bit firmer about making sure chores are done before playtime.

As for the connection . ... . I feel you. I do miss the days when DS was little and only wanted to snuggle on the sofa with me and have me read to him. In fact, we snuggled in bed this morning with a book, which is the first time in nearly a year he's wanted to do that. But I also accept that our ways off connecting now are different. It's a bittersweet feeling, though . .. .

[meemee]

Originally Posted by DevaMajka

I think that gets to the biggest issue that I have with it. I feel sort of isolated from him. I guess that's what happens when kids get older, but I was thinking "older" didn't mean 6yo! lol.

i hear you. my dd goes to school. and i have noticed this is a summer time thing. i tell you its better to be out playing with other kids rather than wanting more tv because they are bored.

i notice you have other children too. so this isolation - you really have to explore that. for me i have had to learn to adapt to how much time is reasonable to connect with dd. and what kind of connection we need.

sometimes our connection is just in the car going from one place to another. i mean we are around more but that deep connection of real honesty and figuring out.

i dont want to just see my kid. i want to connect. i want her to know sometimes i need her undivided attention to figure things out. sometimes she needs my undivided attention to figure things out.

ever since dd has been 5 life has been bitter sweet for me. to let her go and yet wanting her here. quality time no longer means an hour a day with her. quality time could be 10mins in teh car, or the grocery store or somewhere. sometimes somewhere in the day.

thankfully we cosleep otherwise i dont know how i could cope with 'growing up'.

Originally Posted by DevaMajka

I also am having trouble getting him to do "chores" (things like cleaning up after himself, etc), and when he's out all day, it's near impossible to get him to do it. I suppose I'll have to get organized and have clean-up time in the mornings, before he goes out to play.

this is probably going to be a summer thing. i kinda dont insist on this anyways. summers are crazy times. dd does not HAVE TO do chores. she does not have a job. sometimes she has to leave in the middle of something and she is torn but i shoo her off to go play.

actually i have play dates at my place. well mostly sleepovers. there is at least one kid sleeping in my house 3 to 4 days a week. and i involve them in the chores and its a game to them. they LOVE it. a 5 year old younger brother is proud every morning to make me coffee since he learnt how to make it

once we both start school, life falls into a pattern. and chores become a normal part of our life. meaning we both have to do our own part to get things done. so it really isnt a 'chore'. its more of a helping the other person out.

[dawncayden]

For chores:

Maybe a 'family clean up' hour on the weekends where everyone cleans up. And everyday he just contributes little things that have to do with everyday things like, setting the table before the meal and taking his plate to the sink after.

[OkiMom]

Mine is younger, 3 1/2, and she isn't big into playing with other children. She LOVES her sister and will play with her non-stop. In fact she gets upset when I tell her its her sisters nap time. Outside of the family she spends 2 hours at church nursery and shes exhausted by the end of it. She seems like me in a lot of ways, very much an introvert. She does play well with the other children when we are at the park but doesn't have the desire to stay there and play all day, most of the time an hour around other children couple times a week is more than enough.