How do I gently take away my 3.5yr soother??

[kdescalzi]

I know, I know, at 3.5 yrs old he should no longer have one. He just loves it and I have not been able to bring myself to take it away. He is just so attached to it. Plus it is his last babyish thing I have been able to hold onto so I have been putting this off. How can I be gentle and respectful while taking his soother away?? Of course he can completely understand if we talk about him being too big for a soother etc etc. However, I do not know if I should tell him outright that we have taken his soosoo away or play the whole we can't find any/they are all lost. Anyone out there with some good tips or advice?? Please help me take the right approach!

[One_Girl]

What type of a soother is it? A soother to me is a cuddly toy and there is no magic age for giving up cuddling something at night. My dd has a bunch of stuffed animals and a special blanket she likes to have at night. She also likes to cuddle her stuffed santa and wrap up with me in her special blanket when she is upset. If it is a binky, bottle, or thumb maybe you could talk to him about the effects on his teeth and plan giving it up. If it isn't something that is harmful to his tooth development then I think you should let him have something that soothes him when he wants it.

[pbjmama]

My 4.5 yo has a binky at night still, sometimes during the day too. We have worked alot very slowly and gently to get it down to just night time. He is close to ready to give it up. I have gone through a few spells where I think he should get rid of it as it seems most people IRL frown on it but you know, he needs it. He just does. He needs to suck. Today he was sucking his fingers in the car (binky stays home). So I say as long as you are okay with it and it is something your child wants/needs, let him have it.

[kdescalzi]

Thank you so much for your replies. It is an actual pacifier that he uses. I have to admit that deep down I felt that if he wanted it or needed it I shouldn't take it away because of his age, However, it is definately frowned upon. I am surprised but happy about your responses because it validates what I have been feeling. I would just feel so disrespectful taking away something that means so much to him because it is what I "should" do. I will maybe put this on the backburner for awhile. I would still love to hear other mamas advice on this topic...keep them coming!!

[AndrewsMother]

Originally Posted by kdescalzi

Thank you so much for your replies. It is an actual pacifier that he uses. I have to admit that deep down I felt that if he wanted it or needed it I shouldn't take it away because of his age, However, it is definately frowned upon. I am surprised but happy about your responses because it validates what I have been feeling. I would just feel so disrespectful taking away something that means so much to him because it is what I "should" do. I will maybe put this on the backburner for awhile. I would still love to hear other mamas advice on this topic...keep them coming!!

The bold statement forced me to tell quite a few people to mind their nail biting, coffee drinking, chocolate consuming business.

My son is 4 and 4 months. Last week was the first time that he slept an entire week without a pacifier. At the age of 20 months he was not allowed to take the paci to childcare. About a 6 months later DS was only allowed to have the paci in the car and at bedtime. Six months later, only in the bed lying down. One month ago DH and I hid all of his pacifiers but three, and we told him that we would not help him look for his pacifiers if he misplaced them. Eventually DS only had one left. He lost it, and had to go to bed without a pacifier. He is a big boy, and big boys have to keep up with their things. I even purchased a pacifier clip for him to use at night and he lost that.

Take it slow. Our dentist told us to try to get rid of the pacifier before, but absolutely before the age of five.

[happysmileylady]

My oldest was about that age when I got rid of hers. Actually, 3.5 (ish) was a big time for us, she moved on from the "do-dah" (our name for pacifiers), the bottle and potty trained all around the same time.

My primary reason for getting rid of the bottles and do-dahs were that, honestly, I was just tired of having to keep track of them. She had been able to drink from a cup for a while, she just liked that night time bottle a LOT. It was the only bottle she got, so we were always misplacing them-never thought to look for one until bed time. And the do-dahs, we were always always losing them. One would get tossed in the diaper bag, we would get in the car it would get dropped, never to be found again until we uninstalled the car seat. She would have one in bed, drop it over the side, it would get buried in the mattress. I just got tired of having to have one around for nap time, bed time, and never being able to find it, often having to run to Walmart at 10pm for a new package of do-dahs.

So, when I was finally over it, we just sat and had a talk about being a big girl. She had a big girl bed, she had big girl panties, she had a big girl seat (ie no high chair,) and that big girls don't have do-dahs. She was really excited about the big girl concept and accepted that big girls don't have do-dahs pretty easily. We talked about how it was time to toss out the do-dahs since she was a big girl and that once we threw them away, they were never coming back. And she was ok with that. So, I had HER gather them all up (I think we actually only found three) and throw them into the trash herself. The whole thing was filled with lots of praise as well as lots of gentle reminders that this was the last of them, we would never see them again, I wasn't buying any more, they were for babies, not big girls etc etc etc.

Like I said, she was pretty accepting of the whole thing. I don't recall what my plan B was had she not been so accepting. I am fairly certain that had she flipped out at the thought of it, I might have likely just waited another week or two, or three, and then just tried again. But, I was lucky because not only did she not flip out at the initial idea, but once we pitched them, I don't recall that she ever really mentioned it again. There might have been once or twice at night, but nothing major, that I can recall at least (she's now 14, so it was a while ago.)

For me, what other's thought about her having a do-dah didn't matter. I remember when I was a kid, I sucked my thumb until I was in like 1st grade. I knew some kids who sucked on their thumb or fingers well into high school, and I am not ashamed to admit that on occasion, I suck on the tip of my thumb occasionally when I am really nervous or deep in thought. I personally feel that unless there's a dental issue going on, there's no real reason to arbitrarily decide that a child is "too old" for something like that.

[aramat]

My middle daughter used a pacifier for naps and bedtime. I told her that after her 3rd birthday, she wouldn't use her pacifiers anymore. I repeated it to her about once a week, beginning a month or two before. Then the day came; she had a huge, fun, wonderful party; and then when night came we prepared for a show-down... I had thrown away a bunch of pacifiers but kept the best ones hidden just in case... But nothing happened! She was perfectly fine without the pacifier even on her first night. Zero tears.

A month later, she saw a pacifier laying around (I'd tried it on her baby sister, who refused it)... I told her it wasn't hers and braced myself for a tantrum, but, again, nothing! She just went right on playing with her toys.

Just sayin', it MAY be easier than you think!

[amcal]

Why do you want to take it away?

If it provides him comfort and isn't harming him or anyone else, why worry about it or what anyone thinks about it?

My DD had her binky (pacifier) until right before she turned 5 and then occasionally after that.

She had a lisp and at around 3.5yo I had her evaluated by her pediatrician, speech pathologist and dentist. At all three appointments, I brought up the binky issue and all three said it was a non issue. That some kids just have a need to suck. It's self soothing and there's nothing wrong with it.

All three said to leave her be. That she would give it up when she was ready. All three said her lisp had nothing to do with her binky - she would out grow it.

I specifically discussed her teeth and the binky causing problems with development with the dentist. He said she may need braces, she may not. The binky may or may not contribute. There's just no way to tell in a child that young but, his opinion was that anything the binky may be doing would correct itself when her permanent teeth came in. He did say he didn't want her using the binky then if possible but at that point, he felt taking away something that give her so much comfort just wasn't necessary.

Right before DD turned 5, she started to realize that other children didn't have them. She saw one of those Nanny shows where the Nanny took the binky away from a child younger than DD was at the time. She came to me and told me she wanted to try to give it up. She tried and tried and just couldn't. So, at our next dentist appointment, I asked him to gently talk to her about it. He was fantastic. He talked to her about how she's going to be loosing her teeth and we need the new teeth to come in straight and the binky pushes on them. Well, she had a loose tooth and that's all it took. She didn't want the tooth to come in crooked so she gave up the binky then and there. She was ready so it was as easy as could be.

Looking back, I'm so glad I waited until she was ready and didn't give in to the pressure I felt from others trying to convince me that something was wrong with allowing DD to keep her binky.

[JudiAU]

DS uses one. He is a little over 3. My MIL (without discussing with us) did the whole when-you-turn-3-routine and actually said several times when-I-am-three on his birthday, and the week leading up to his birthday and on the day of his birthday he refused to celebrate. =S Very concerned about the loss.

We did start limiting around 18-2, mostly because it sometimes provoked clingy, sad behavior that didn't exist until he put it in his mouth (and yes, we had an infant) but the pacifier seemed to be the provoking event.

I am not sure when we will a push on the matter. I don't really like that he still uses it, but he derives a lot of comfort from it and I am grateful for it (self-weaned during my pregnancy in a very gentle fashion, rejected bottles at age one, etc.)

If I had to do it, I would probably talk about teeth, the dentist, and set a date. I think it will awful.

[mizzoh]

ds is 4.5 and still uses one...mostly at bedtime, or if he is tired and wants a snuggle. honestly what bothers me most is that it seems to promote clingy, lethargic behavior. i have no idea how we will wean, although at some point i suspect he will be too big for it to comfortably fit in his mouth? for now it seems to soothe/comfort him, and IMO at this age that is important

[4evermom]

A lot of children still have a strong need to suck at that age. My own ds still was going strong with nursing. That has a natural limit of only being available at certain times, however. For us, at age 3 and 4, that meant when we lay down for naps and at bedtime (also when waking up in the morning). So I wouldn't take away a pacifier but I might encourage it staying in the bedroom...

[ShadowMoon]

DS (3.5) has a pacifier and 3 little stuffed toys that help him fall asleep every night. We are slowly weaning him from the paci, (using it just for bedtime), but have no plans to wean him from his beloved stuffed toys. I would never take his paci away cold turkey...he would be hysterical! That is why I'm taking the super-slow approach. I did the same with weaning from a bottle and it worked out well.

[nextcommercial]

My daughter(18 yrs now) turned three in September, and still had it in February. I finally bribed her with money.

We read "The Last Noo Noo" a lot. She liked it because she could identify with Marvin.

We read the last noo noo for a few months before I started suggesting that it was time to give up the pacifier.

In the end, the hardest part was what it did to her mouth. When she got her braces, a lot of what she needed to get was a direct result of having the pacifier 24/7. It cost me $5000 too, but really the pain she went through to get her mouth fixed was worse.

She talked with a pacifier in her mouth too, so she had that tongue thrusting thing. (sounds like a lisp) the tongue thrusting caused her top teeth to jut forward more and more. So, it wasn't just a matter of getting rid of the pacifier, it was speech therapy that didn't actually help much. I should have pushed for the speech help earlier. I waited til first grade to get concerned.

She loved her pacifier, and it helped us through a lot of rough nights and hospital stays. But, for the cost that she paid when she was 11, I really wish I hadn't allowed her to keep it for so long. She WOULD still have needed braces, but probably not all of the other contraptions she had in her mouth for three years. I'm pretty sure we were the exception, not the rule. She is just the unlucky kid who if there's a side effect, she will have it. So, I wouldn't panic and throw them all away, but I also wouldn't think "Oh, he likes it, he should have it even if nobody else wants to see it".

Also, socially, it IS frowned upon. Maybe it shouldn't be, but it just looks dumb. (I can say this because I look back at my daughter's pictures and think.. "sheesh.. that looks so dumb") Even she looks back and says "MO-OM... why did you let me keep that stupid thing for so long?, I hardly have any pictures without it". So, in the end, it was ME holding her back. Not her.

[lindsayjean]

Hi! I didn't read the responses but I wanted to comment. My DD got rid of hers when she turned 3. She was only using it at night since probably before age 2. I started to notice the impact it was having on her teeth (or maybe that was just in my mind) and I just felt like it was time I guess. I tried once when she was 2.5 but it did NOT go over well. She had just became a big sister and I don't know WHAT I was thinking trying to get rid of it then. She needed the comfort. So, we talked about it for a WHILE and I basically just told her that when she turned 3 she wouldn't need a paci anymore. She is a very verbal girl and has been for an early age, so just explaining to her that she wouldn't need it anymore worked for us. I was a little bit nervous about something that could be negative to happen on her birthday, but it seemed like she just needed that because as soon as her birthday rolled around she reminded me that she didn't need her pacifer anymore and went to sleep without it no problem and has not asked for it once. So, we've been paci free of 6 months with no problems.

She used to not sleep with a stuffed animal and she started sleeping with one around 2.5, before she gave up her pacifer (right after her little brother was born, actually), so I think she uses that for comfort now instead of the pacifer. So, that worked out well, I guess!