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Would you do it? Send baby away for a full night? - Page 2

post #21 of 43
Could your mom take her out for 4-5 hours during the day so you could have a long nap? At 11 months she should be able to be without nursing for that long (I am assuming she could take some kind of solids) especially if she is busy (park, zoo, mall, etc). Maybe just doing that a few times would help.
post #22 of 43
I wouldn't and I've been there. My second child nursed at least every 45 minutes around the clock. When she was 18 months old, she finally gave me one 3 hour stretch a night. It was so wonderful.

If you want to see if your mother can help, I woudl recommend taht she spend the night at your house. That way, if she can't soother your daughter, you will be right there.
post #23 of 43
I wouldn't, because I wouldn't get any sleep anyway. I'd just be worried about my kid. I feel your pain though, my DS was exactly like yours for the first year or so. But he really did need to nurse at night & was (still is) super attached to me & I know would've cried the whole time just because he wasn't near me. So it wasn't even a serious option for me (though I'd jokingly entertained the though of going to a hotel & leaving him with DH for a night!)

But if you trust your mom & feel confident that your baby will be OK without nursing for that long a stretch, AND you think you'd actually be able to sleep, then go for it. Or maybe you can find some middle ground -- she could watch the baby on another floor of your house & only bring her to you if she really needs to nurse or something, or she could take her during the day...
post #24 of 43
Yes, based on the situation you described I would do it- especially because it is with your mom.
post #25 of 43
I couldn't do it. I had the terrible sleeper who slept in 20 to 40 minute chunks for weeks on end. I was beaten and just a mess but I couldn't let go. I probably should have. She's a great sleeper now...at 4.5 but she'll probably be an only because I can NOT live through that again.

That said, your mom sounds great, could you not both go spend the night? You could let your mom get up with her, but you would be there in the house. Would that work?

Several times, various aunts, SILs and cousins came and stayed with us so I could sleep. They got up with DD in the night and left as soon as possible in the morning to go home and get some rest! It helped in that I got a break for a whole night, I didn't have to worry that if something happened I would be far away (she was famous for projectile vomiting in the middle of the night. Multiple times. People unused to this kind of thing do not typically react well), and they could see up close and personal that I wasn't making it up and if one night is that hard, no wonder I was so worn out all the time.
post #26 of 43
I would go for it.

Sleep is not an amusing hobby that one had before becoming a mom. It's not like shopping for pretty shoes or spending money on concerts.

Sleep is a neurological, psychological and physical necessity. Sometimes, I think moms here forget that.
post #27 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hannah32 View Post
I would go for it.

Sleep is not an amusing hobby that one had before becoming a mom. It's not like shopping for pretty shoes or spending money on concerts.

Sleep is a neurological, psychological and physical necessity. Sometimes, I think moms here forget that.
This.

I believe that people react differently to sleep deprivation. I also believe that you don't truly have a good grasp on just how badly sleep deprivation may be affecting you until you are on the other side of it, kwim?
post #28 of 43
I personally could not do it.

I too have the same situation, my Son is 13 months but only wakes 2 times a night to nurse.

I agree your Mom sounds awesome (can I borrow her?)! My Mom looks at me like I am a crazy hippie because of our homebirth. I shave!

IMHO, I don't think I could sleep knowing that she may be crying for you. She may be just fine, the unknown would keep me awake! I do acknowledge other Mom's here that say do it, she will be comforted by your Mom and I'm sure she would be. I may need to take the same advice from wiser Mamas here! In my own time.

Follow your gut!
post #29 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by saffrongirl View Post
Yeah, my mom offered to do two nights in a row, but maybe I should let go of the thought that she'll be sleep training dd and just focus more on the thought of getting sleep myself so that I can be better refreshed to sleep train dd myself. I just keep thinking of dd screaming and being SO stressed out and I don't know what my mom could do to make it better. Then again, my mom had four kids and we're all only mildly scarred so it'll probably be okay.

She won't nurse to sleep in bed. She'll lay beside me and nurse, but not to sleep. It's a social time for her and she just wants to nurse and then "chat." I can buy half an hour of "doze time" for myself by making her lie beside me and nurse on both sides, but she never falls asleep.

luckymamaoftwo - how does your dd do now that she's 2.5? Is there light at the end of the tunnel?
Please don't sleep train your DD. Please don't let anyone else do it either.

I've been there with 2 kids who didn't sleep for more than an hour and a half at a time for 18 months. Deciding to stop meeting their needs isn't the answer. Sleep training is never appropriate or the right answer.

If your mother will comfort your DD and is willing to spend the night up with her, then go for it and get some sleep. If your mother is just going to neglect her and let her scream in a crib, then your DD deserves better than that.
post #30 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hannah32 View Post
I would go for it.

Sleep is not an amusing hobby that one had before becoming a mom. It's not like shopping for pretty shoes or spending money on concerts.

Sleep is a neurological, psychological and physical necessity. Sometimes, I think moms here forget that.
I think that you're forgetting that for the history of man people have co-slept and dealt with sleep deprivation. The body adjusts. The idea of getting 8 solid hours at night is a first world ideal with isn't actually very biologically normal.
post #31 of 43
If your uncomfortable letting her spend the night, could you ask your mom or dp to spend the night in another room in your house with the baby and let you sleep in your room with the door closed. For when I know someone else is taking responsability I can sleep a lot deeper and feel more rested.
post #32 of 43
I'd try the "Mom, take her to the zoo for 6 hours" approach during the day and SLEEP!! No laundry, email.... just sleep!
post #33 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elijah's Mommy View Post
If your uncomfortable letting her spend the night, could you ask your mom or dp to spend the night in another room in your house with the baby and let you sleep in your room with the door closed. For when I know someone else is taking responsability I can sleep a lot deeper and feel more rested.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lerlerler View Post
I'd try the "Mom, take her to the zoo for 6 hours" approach during the day and SLEEP!! No laundry, email.... just sleep!
This. I wouldn't let the baby go all night; even though we only live 5 minutes a way, and I'm pregnant. My parents are pretty young (early 50's, but I've noticed that they don't really have the stamina to deal with waking after waking.

Another option would be to let your parents take the baby after that 4,5,or6 am waking.
post #34 of 43
oh, and I would never send my baby away to be sleep trained. I know my parents would never 'let' him cry. I would give real specific instructions on 'things to try' when she woke or cried. feeding, rocking, singing, bouncing, white noise, ect.
post #35 of 43
Given what you said about your mom, I would do it. Your daughter won't be alone and screaming herself to sleep. If she's crying, she'll have a loving family member there to comfort her. You will get the best sleep you've had in a year and hopefully wake up somewhat refreshed and better able to cope. One night won't make a difference in her sleep habits going forward, but I bet it will make an incredible difference in your outlook and coping abilities.

All that said - what about your dp? How much night time parenting is he doing on a regular basis? If you're at home and he's working fulltime, I understand that it's important for him to get some sleep to function at work, but on the weekends, at least, maybe you can sleep separately and let him have night time duty. That would give you a couple of good nights of sleep a week, which can be life changing when dealing with sleep deprivation. Two of my three kids were horrible sleepers, so I know what you're dealing with!
post #36 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by JL83 View Post
Please don't sleep train your DD. Please don't let anyone else do it either.

I've been there with 2 kids who didn't sleep for more than an hour and a half at a time for 18 months. Deciding to stop meeting their needs isn't the answer. Sleep training is never appropriate or the right answer.

If your mother will comfort your DD and is willing to spend the night up with her, then go for it and get some sleep. If your mother is just going to neglect her and let her scream in a crib, then your DD deserves better than that.
The op said that her mother is a cosleeping mom herself and has no plans to let the baby cry.
post #37 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by lerlerler View Post
I'd try the "Mom, take her to the zoo for 6 hours" approach during the day and SLEEP!! No laundry, email.... just sleep!
I think that is a fantastic idea! Good work!

I am not a supporter of sleep training either. It may be good for others, not in my home.
post #38 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by JL83 View Post
I think that you're forgetting that for the history of man people have co-slept and dealt with sleep deprivation. The body adjusts. The idea of getting 8 solid hours at night is a first world ideal with isn't actually very biologically normal.
You don't have to get 8 hours a night, but there is such a thing as being sleep deprived. It has real effects, there's quite a bit of scientific research to back it up.
post #39 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by JL83 View Post
Please don't sleep train your DD. Please don't let anyone else do it either.

I've been there with 2 kids who didn't sleep for more than an hour and a half at a time for 18 months. Deciding to stop meeting their needs isn't the answer. Sleep training is never appropriate or the right answer.

If your mother will comfort your DD and is willing to spend the night up with her, then go for it and get some sleep. If your mother is just going to neglect her and let her scream in a crib, then your DD deserves better than that.
I completely disagree that "sleep training" is a bad thing. CIO is a bad thing. Sleep training is something that we ALL do. We all train our babies to sleep. Whether that be NCSS, night weaning at an appropriate age, reading a book and taking a bath before bed- it's all sleep training. It's just not HARSH sleep training. There's a big difference, and I think it really does a disservice to anti-CIO to lump it all together.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JL83 View Post
I think that you're forgetting that for the history of man people have co-slept and dealt with sleep deprivation. The body adjusts. The idea of getting 8 solid hours at night is a first world ideal with isn't actually very biologically normal.
Yes, but in the history of man people were not so isolated as they are now. You were more likely to live with your parents, or next door to your parents, etc. Those people would be able to help you. And just because something was a certain way a kazillion years ago does not make it better. Our life spans used to be much shorter, too (and, I'm sure some people think that it would be better if they still were- but they're not).
post #40 of 43
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I really do appreciate it!

First, my mom is completely awesome!! : She was at both of my homebirths and is amazingly supportive!

Second, just a bit of an update: my mom took her and dd#1 for about four hours yesterday afternoon and I went home to sleep. Managed to sleep for about two hours so it was a nice nap. I find myself to be such a light sleeper these days that any noise wakes me up instantly and I'm on hyper-alert. Sometimes I swear I hear my children breath even when they are miles away. :

Also, dp usually has to get up for work extremely early and he works a relatively dangerous job so I've always been the one to get up with dd. He didn't have to work today so he actually got up with her and i got an additional two hours of sleep this morning. That was heaven.

I know things will get better. I have a five year old who *usually* sleeps through the night and time really did fly, so I know it'll all be better soon enough. HOWEVER, I agree with HANNAH32 that sleep is biologically necessary. Perhaps we don't need the generic (mythical) 8 hours a night that people talk about, but I know there are scientific studies to support people physically needing sleep. I know for me, personally, I feel foggy and I don't "connect the dots" as well during the day when I don't get sleep. Not to mention, I'm a mean ole bitch. :

I think for now, I'll keep having my mom take the girls whenever she can during the day so that I can nap and revisit this idea when dd is a bit older. In the meantime, I've got to figure out how to get her to sleep for longer stretches.
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