Bedtime is broken :(

[tangledblue]

Ok, so this is mostly vent, but GAH, bedtime is driving me crazy lately. DD turned 2 recently. Up until the last couple of weeks or so, she was doing pretty well at bedtime--we'd do our routine of lap/stories/songs, and she'd go into her crib (often even asking for it) and flop around/babble herself to sleep. I'd usually extricate myself from the room by saying, "l'll come back to check on you in a few minutes and make sure you're asleep," and inevitably she'd be asleep (or very quiet) by the time we even thought of going back in, so of course we didn't want to disturb her.

Let me also say that rocking/holding her to sleep at bedtime has been impossible for a while--she just squirms around and tries to play. At nap, this still works occasionally, and naptime in general has always been way better than bedtime.

Ok, but NOW, everything at bedtime is cause for a major tantrum. Turning out the lights. Singing the wrong song. Singing the requested song, but she changes her mind. Lap. Crib. Lap. Crib. It makes me want to bash my head against a wall. Leaving the room. Staying in the room. Nothing makes it better. We've had a very consistent bedtime routine for a long time, and I'm not sure what's different. Although she is two, the terrible twos have yet to manifest themselves much in other areas of life, at least not to this degree.
And when she starts yelling, I have to speak very loudly/yell just to be heard, which I do not like at all and feel terrible about, plus it disrupts whatever fragile harmony we've managed so far.

I have tried to give her choices, but that doesn't seem to make much difference either.

Thankfully, she still sleeps well the rest of the night, once we've made it past the trauma of bedtime. General pattern is that she gets up around 6:30/7 am, naps from 12:45-2:45, and we start bedtime at 7 with the idea that she might actually be asleep at 8....sigh. Advice appreciated.

[2xy]

First, maybe she needs a shorter nap?

Secondly, is it possible she's cutting molars?

At two, they are learning to manipulate people. Not because kids are rotten at two; it's a milestone, really. They're learning that their actions cause reactions. When she screams, do you give her what she wants?

My oldest was an....ahem...."strong willed" child. Giving him choices was ineffective. If I said he could pick between chocolate or vanilla (because that was what was available), he would demand strawberry and then pitch a fit when told there was no strawberry. So, I limited his choices. I would ask if he wanted ice cream, and give him whatever I felt like giving him.

YMMV. In your situation, I would prepare the child for bedtime by telling her exactly what would be happening. "We will read a story, snuggle for ten minutes (set a timer), and when the timer beeps I will turn out the light and it will be time for you to sleep." If that doesn't sound appealing to her, she can express her disapproval before the process begins.

[marispel]

Honestly, I think it is a phase of independancy. My DS went through this around 22 months and it was crazy for about 2-3 wks. He used to go down fairly easy, but then started fighting it. I tried every trick in the book from rocking more (which meant play time to him), to sitting in the room rubbing his back (which meant play time to him), to sitting in the room with my back to him (which meant play time to him) to saying night night and leaving the room.

So, by staying in the room I was DRAGGING out bedtime. It just stimulated him too much to have me in the room with him. We did our usual bedtime routine, we told him he was a big boy and it was time for night-night and then we kissed him and left the room.

The first couple nights he didn't like it, but he quickly switched to talking and singing in his crib. This went on/off for about 2-3 wks and now he is great at going to bed. We just stuck to the consistency of not going back in the room unless he was hysterical. Talking, singing even a bit of fussing went by far faster than us staying in the room.

Now he talks and sings for 20-30 minutes, but does fall asleep without us being in the room.

[just_lily]

I have a kid that needs to be alone in order to go to sleep. She has also figured out how to stall, asking for songs, hugs, back scratches, diaper changes (even though I just changed her), a drink, on and on.

It gets to the point where I tell her "Mommy is going to do X, and then I am leaving." And then I follow through. Some times she pitches a fit about it, but I still leave. I know this doesn't work for some people, but in my view it is not CIO. She is 2yo, not a tiny infant. We only had one night where it lasted a long time (and I kept going in to check on her) and since then if she decides to get mad it only lasts a minute or two because she realizes Mommy means business.

DD's angry cry is very different from her cries when she is genuinely upset, or scared. If her cry changes of course I go back in, but if she is just angry, she can go ahead and be angry - Mommy is still leaving. When she calms down I usually go back in and tuck her in.

We went through a week where she did this every day, but now it only happens when we have allowed her to get overtired. If we stick to our usual routine everything flows smoothly.

YMMV, of course. I am certainly not advocating CIO or anything like that, but I think a toddler temper tantrum is very different than a little infant left to cry alone.

[tangledblue]

Thanks everybody for your perspective. I agree that it's probably an independence thing--she has always been a kid who needed her own space to sleep and found us being in the room too stimulating--so I was maybe confusing a tantrum with legit crying. (It's hard to think when you're listening to it!) And I think that yes, I maybe catered too much to her whims and dragged out bedtime.

I feel better already, thanks!