Sleepover?

[SaoirseC]

When did your child have his or her first sleepover? My almost 4 yo daughter is bugging me about this.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Well, at 4 my child would never have gone to sleep without my cuddling her, so that was a pretty good sign she wasn't ready yet. At 6 she and I went on a Brownie sleep-over in one big lodge room with the whole troup (moms and girls). This summer (now she's 7) she went to a one-night sleepover at Girl Scout camp and did great. That was most of her group's first away from home all night, if that helps. She also did her first "at a friend's sleepover later this summer. Next summer she really wants to go to a 1 week sleep-away camp with her big brother.

She still prefers to be cuddled to sleep when at home but can, when necessary go to sleep without me. Most nights she stays in her bed all night, but occassionally still moves in with us in the middle of the night. She is capable of being polite and cooperative at playdates without me. She is capable of taking care of her night-time needs and self-care. She knows she can call and say "Not going to work" and I'll come get her. And I was careful about the group/family she was allowed to stay with, of course. All of these things were important for me to see before I thought she was "ready".

All of that applies to away from family situations. She has been staying at my parents without me since she was 3, but my mother will give her a lot more care and supervision than the average "friend" sleepoever host, so I think that is a different situation.

THis is one of these "every child is different" and "Every family is different" situations. We started seeing sleepover birthday parties in 2nd grade with my oldest child, but I know some parents who still don't allow their children to go and they are starting 5th grade this year. My 10 YO DS hasn't been invited to stay at a friends house but has completed 2 summers of 1-week long sleepaway camps without any problems. But friend sleepovers seem to be a lot less common among boys than girls.

I think it really depends on how independent your child is, how reliable, how confident. And how you feel about not being able to control when she has for dinner/dessert, what TV she might see, or what bedtime might actually be.

[meemee]

at that age my super independent dd wanted sleepovers too. but she wasnt ready. so she did 'mommy and me' sleepovers.

she wanted sleepovers with families i was friendly with and so i went with her. she went to bed with her friends. they were early to bed kids and she is a night owl so when everyone fell asleep she'd come to bed with me.

we never planned it as a sleepover. she would be highly insulted. since my friend lived a little further usually we spent the night at her place when we went to play.

at 6 she was ready to do sleepovers alone. but she does miss me because she misses being cuddled.

[madskye]

I think it really depends on the child--friends had a camp out sleepover in their backyard over the weekend. There were 6 kids total. DH and I brought our tent and slept over too, with DD, but two other friends dropped off their twins (yes--two families, each with twins) and they all slept over and thru the night with no problems. None of them had ever done it before. The mom of one set of twins had never left them overnight even with their grandparents. But, obviously, they were all comfortable and excited about this and it went great.

[SaoirseC]

Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom

Well, at 4 my child would never have gone to sleep without my cuddling her, so that was a pretty good sign she wasn't ready yet. At 6 she and I went on a Brownie sleep-over in one big lodge room with the whole troup (moms and girls)...
And I was careful about the group/family she was allowed to stay with, of course. All of these things were important for me to see before I thought she was "ready".

She has been asking about it, but I don't know if she wants someone to sleep here or she's thinking of sleeping elsewhere. DD is quite independent (she hasn't needed to be cuddled to sleep for over a year), and has actually been bugging me about this for months. I'm thinking about the other kiddo, and whether her family is likely to think I'm weird because of their age- I can think of maybe two of DD's friends who I would consider inviting that DD would enjoy to be around and who are familiar enough with me that it might go alright. There's a third, but she lives almost an hour away so I'd prefer to wait until she's older. But, if DD wants to sleep at someone else's house, there are a few families who I would feel comfortable allowing that.

And for occasional things like this, I wouldn't mind about bedtime/food/tv/etc. as long as she's safe and enjoying herself!

The group sleepover sounds like fun! Maybe I'll arrange something like that- it might be possible for a bunch of girls and their moms to have a sleep over in a hotel suite!

[SaoirseC]

Originally Posted by meemee

at that age my super independent dd wanted sleepovers too. but she wasnt ready. so she did 'mommy and me' sleepovers.

she wanted sleepovers with families i was friendly with and so i went with her. she went to bed with her friends. they were early to bed kids and she is a night owl so when everyone fell asleep she'd come to bed with me.

I've slept over at one friend's house with our kids. But she slept with me, and my son slept in his friend's room. We also camped out this year with a bunch of other families, but the kids slept in my tent with me. Maybe I should just wait until she's in the "normal" age for sleepovers.

[SaoirseC]

Originally Posted by madskye

I think it really depends on the child--friends had a camp out sleepover in their backyard over the weekend. There were 6 kids total. DH and I brought our tent and slept over too, with DD, but two other friends dropped off their twins (yes--two families, each with twins) and they all slept over and thru the night with no problems. None of them had ever done it before. The mom of one set of twins had never left them overnight even with their grandparents. But, obviously, they were all comfortable and excited about this and it went great.

Oh wow! This is a cool idea! I was trying to think of the logistics of inviting an entire family over for a sleepover (we just don't have enough bed space for that!) I wonder if we have any more warm nights coming...

[hermionesmum]

I followed the example of a good friend with older kids: If they coped with the first school residential at the end of year two, (age 7) we'd do sleepovers. This has suited us as, much as dd2 and friends WANT to sleepover they really couldn't cope. She's very particular about her sleep needs, (landing light left on with the door ajar, cuddly unicorn, bottle of water, goodnight kiss from mummy etc.)
dd2 is six.

[SaoirseC]

Originally Posted by hermionesmum

I followed the example of a good friend with older kids: If they coped with the first school residential at the end of year two, (age 7) we'd do sleepovers. This has suited us as, much as dd2 and friends WANT to sleepover they really couldn't cope. She's very particular about her sleep needs, (landing light left on with the door ajar, cuddly unicorn, bottle of water, goodnight kiss from mummy etc.)
dd2 is six.

School residential? Not sure what that is, but we home school so it might not apply to us anyway. Thanks for the thought.

[lyterae]

My dd had her first sleepover this summer, she stayed at a very good friends (a secondary grandma for her) house who also had her granddaughter (a friend of dd) over for the night. She had a blast and has been asking when she gets to go again.

[tbone_kneegrabber]

We've done several camping trips with other familes, but ds always stays in our tent. He also wants someone to sleep over our house. We have talked about doing it and having the other kid(s)' parent stay too, or doing it as a favor to the family (more like overnight babysitting), but we haven't quite figured it all out yet.

[lonegirl]

He has only done sleepovers at his grandparents and usually his cousins are with him too. This started just before he turned 3. He doesn't have friendships built up outside his cousins.

[meemee]

last year our girl scouts went camping. the girls all between 6 and 7 years old decided to sleep in one big room with a supervising parent - me. 5 of the girls stayed, but two of them lasted till midnight and then had to go sleep in their parents tent.

dd slept in the furtherst bed away from me.

so it all varies from child to child. one fo the 8 year olds is still not ready for a sleepover.

however kids always show enthusiasm at the 'idea' of things. for instance dd begged for homework before she started K. and did them enthusiastically. then K started and she hated hw with a vengence. still does.

[MidnightCommando]

DD, who will be 4 in November, has had a few sleepovers with her 'best friend' both at our house and at her friends house this summer. She and her friend did fine at both but most likely since both houses are such a familiar environment to one another. DD's friend mom and I joke that we both have 2nd daughters, and we have been trading babysitting, etc since they were born within a few weeks of one another. DD also has had sleepovers at both of her grandmas houses but again I think they work since they are familiar environments. If a sleepover was at a place where she really hasn't been I'm not sure if she would do as well.

[nicky85]

I was 8 when I first went to a sleepover and that is the age I would begin allowing it, if my husband and I were going to. I had lots of at sleepovers and would be OK with it if I approved of the kid and family, but my husband has a lot of baggage from sleepovers because he was repeatedly sexually abused at them. So he says no and I can understand it. It's not something worth fighting over to me.