Little bit of backstory.
My ex left for another woman. The boys were 9 and 12 at the time. It was a shocking, confusing time for the three of us. Their dad is on active duty, so he was deployed here and there, and after he permanently transferred he married the woman. He didn't tell anyone....not even his sister or parents. We all just sort of figured it out after awhile.
Anyway....fast forward six years. I just learned that he is in the process of adopting his stepdaughter. He hasn't said anything to the boys, who are now 15 and 18. 18yo is working full-time, but 15yo intends to go visit his dad (out of state) for a couple of weeks in the fall. Maybe even next month, if ex can get off his arse and get his leave in order, get the plane ticket, etc.
Aside from these once-a-year visits, he has pretty much estranged himself from the kids. He sends money, but never calls, emails, nor even chats when he sees them on XBOX Live. Any communication, which is seldom, is initiated by my 15yo DS. They haven't been acknowledged for Xmas or birthdays for the past 2.5 years. Honestly, it pains me to see my DS asking his dad for a visit. You'd think the man would want to see his own flesh and blood that he lived with for nearly ten years. If and when DS gets down there, I'm pretty sure it will hurt to know that his dad adopted a child without telling him. He's adopting another child when he can barely be bothered with his own!
Should I prep him, or just let his dad be the one to hurt him....again...? If I say stuff, it sounds like I'm bad-mouthing their dad. Makes me look like the bad guy. Maybe I should just let the man make his bed and lie in it. I'm just tired of him hurting my kids.
My ex left for another woman. The boys were 9 and 12 at the time. It was a shocking, confusing time for the three of us. Their dad is on active duty, so he was deployed here and there, and after he permanently transferred he married the woman. He didn't tell anyone....not even his sister or parents. We all just sort of figured it out after awhile.
Anyway....fast forward six years. I just learned that he is in the process of adopting his stepdaughter. He hasn't said anything to the boys, who are now 15 and 18. 18yo is working full-time, but 15yo intends to go visit his dad (out of state) for a couple of weeks in the fall. Maybe even next month, if ex can get off his arse and get his leave in order, get the plane ticket, etc.
Aside from these once-a-year visits, he has pretty much estranged himself from the kids. He sends money, but never calls, emails, nor even chats when he sees them on XBOX Live. Any communication, which is seldom, is initiated by my 15yo DS. They haven't been acknowledged for Xmas or birthdays for the past 2.5 years. Honestly, it pains me to see my DS asking his dad for a visit. You'd think the man would want to see his own flesh and blood that he lived with for nearly ten years. If and when DS gets down there, I'm pretty sure it will hurt to know that his dad adopted a child without telling him. He's adopting another child when he can barely be bothered with his own!
Should I prep him, or just let his dad be the one to hurt him....again...? If I say stuff, it sounds like I'm bad-mouthing their dad. Makes me look like the bad guy. Maybe I should just let the man make his bed and lie in it. I'm just tired of him hurting my kids.
your ds may be trying to figure it out for himself. At the exact same age I had to do the same thing. I knew my father was a moron without ever having been told but I still had to fly 2000 miles from home just to figure it out for myself. I got my feelings hurt, my heart broken but that did mend and I then had a much better relationship with my mom and step-dad.
