I have an appointment tomorrow at 36+4.
At my appointment a week ago, I got a VE and I'm already 2 cm and very effaced, not surprising considering I've been having prodromal for weeks, and had a technically pre-term baby last time.
I keep expecting these random contractions to turn into labor, and they keep not doing it. I'm huge to the point of beyond just being big and into being frickin incapacitated (short girl with tiny torso). Everything is sore. It hurts to walk. I feel like I don't get any rest because I'm a SAHM to a very active toddler and, you know, you don't get maternity leave from that. I had my daughter at 36+2, so today at 36+3 I'm officially more pregnant than I've ever been and I feel overdue even though I'm not even term yet, rotfl.
AND, at my appointment tomorrow my OB wants to do an u/s for growth. I'm getting more and more anxious about this. I never had a late u/s with Em, just the early dating one, and the 20 week anatomy scan. And he popped this on me as an afterthought literally at the last minute, coming up to the desk when I was making my appointment with the receptionist and saying "I'd like to do an u/s next week, too." I was like "why?" and he says "I just want to check the growth." Since it was like, last minute standing there in the waiting room, that was pretty much it and we didn't have a real talk about it. This is stressing me out BIG-TIME. Why does he want to do an u/s for growth. I'm assuming that the worry is that the baby is super big. Because I'm so enormous-- but that doesn't mean the baby is big, just that I am small! Or, my 36-week daughter was 7 lb 4 oz at birth, maybe he thinks that Ozzy is as big or even bigger. But I had no problems pushing out my daughter, I'm small but have very good hips, and she came out after just 30 minutes of pushing, which isn't bad for a first-timer with a sunny-side-up baby! I'm not at all worried about having a bigger baby, this being my second time around. But then again there was that worry about GD earlier on, I failed the 1-hour but then passed the 3-hour-- I had "one abnormal value" and but not a GD diagnosis.
I'm just all stressing out. I do like and trust my OB, he was my doctor with Emma, too, and he listens to me and understands how I feel about how I would like the birth to go, etc. But now I feel like this "growth ultrasound" has been sprung on me at the last moment and I don't feel like fighting over a "big baby" which is not a reason for induction even IF the ultrasound was accurate for growth which it ISN'T. Everyone I've talked to who has had a late u/s for growth, it's been off by like more than a pound. EVERYONE. I don't at all trust a growth u/s.
But I'm a huge worrier and now I'm like, well, let me go to the u/s and just see how he's doing. Because I constantly stress at the end of pregnancy that the baby isn't doing well. And I feel like if I just turned down the u/s, I would miss the chance of finding out early if there was a problem that I wouldn't want to miss. Ack.
And he's posterior. So was Em. And not engaged. Just like Em. And I'm scared I won't get regular contractions because of the head not being on the cervix and I'll just piddle around in irritable-uterus land with broken water until I end up taking pitocin to get real labor-- just like Em. I don't know if I can do a pitocin labor again without medication. I did it okay with her, but man it was so incredibly painful and thinking of it makes me cringe. Half of me is thinking "whatever, you did it once, you can do it again, you'll be fine" and the other half is thinking "if I hear the word Pitocin I'm just going to get an epidural right then and there."
And what if something ends up being wrong at the u/s, and we have to induce, and I end up on pitocin anyway.
And I'm having more contractions just sitting here, but I can tell that they are more piddly not-real-labor ones. I so just want to have this baby. I can't get anything done, I'm weepy and mean all the time, I'm a big ball of miserable.
But I feel like literally I'm never going to go into labor.
*sigh* Okay, hope no one actually went through the trouble of reading this enormous ramble. But I feel a bit better just getting it all out, haha.
At my appointment a week ago, I got a VE and I'm already 2 cm and very effaced, not surprising considering I've been having prodromal for weeks, and had a technically pre-term baby last time.
I keep expecting these random contractions to turn into labor, and they keep not doing it. I'm huge to the point of beyond just being big and into being frickin incapacitated (short girl with tiny torso). Everything is sore. It hurts to walk. I feel like I don't get any rest because I'm a SAHM to a very active toddler and, you know, you don't get maternity leave from that. I had my daughter at 36+2, so today at 36+3 I'm officially more pregnant than I've ever been and I feel overdue even though I'm not even term yet, rotfl.
AND, at my appointment tomorrow my OB wants to do an u/s for growth. I'm getting more and more anxious about this. I never had a late u/s with Em, just the early dating one, and the 20 week anatomy scan. And he popped this on me as an afterthought literally at the last minute, coming up to the desk when I was making my appointment with the receptionist and saying "I'd like to do an u/s next week, too." I was like "why?" and he says "I just want to check the growth." Since it was like, last minute standing there in the waiting room, that was pretty much it and we didn't have a real talk about it. This is stressing me out BIG-TIME. Why does he want to do an u/s for growth. I'm assuming that the worry is that the baby is super big. Because I'm so enormous-- but that doesn't mean the baby is big, just that I am small! Or, my 36-week daughter was 7 lb 4 oz at birth, maybe he thinks that Ozzy is as big or even bigger. But I had no problems pushing out my daughter, I'm small but have very good hips, and she came out after just 30 minutes of pushing, which isn't bad for a first-timer with a sunny-side-up baby! I'm not at all worried about having a bigger baby, this being my second time around. But then again there was that worry about GD earlier on, I failed the 1-hour but then passed the 3-hour-- I had "one abnormal value" and but not a GD diagnosis.
I'm just all stressing out. I do like and trust my OB, he was my doctor with Emma, too, and he listens to me and understands how I feel about how I would like the birth to go, etc. But now I feel like this "growth ultrasound" has been sprung on me at the last moment and I don't feel like fighting over a "big baby" which is not a reason for induction even IF the ultrasound was accurate for growth which it ISN'T. Everyone I've talked to who has had a late u/s for growth, it's been off by like more than a pound. EVERYONE. I don't at all trust a growth u/s.
But I'm a huge worrier and now I'm like, well, let me go to the u/s and just see how he's doing. Because I constantly stress at the end of pregnancy that the baby isn't doing well. And I feel like if I just turned down the u/s, I would miss the chance of finding out early if there was a problem that I wouldn't want to miss. Ack.
And he's posterior. So was Em. And not engaged. Just like Em. And I'm scared I won't get regular contractions because of the head not being on the cervix and I'll just piddle around in irritable-uterus land with broken water until I end up taking pitocin to get real labor-- just like Em. I don't know if I can do a pitocin labor again without medication. I did it okay with her, but man it was so incredibly painful and thinking of it makes me cringe. Half of me is thinking "whatever, you did it once, you can do it again, you'll be fine" and the other half is thinking "if I hear the word Pitocin I'm just going to get an epidural right then and there."
And what if something ends up being wrong at the u/s, and we have to induce, and I end up on pitocin anyway.
And I'm having more contractions just sitting here, but I can tell that they are more piddly not-real-labor ones. I so just want to have this baby. I can't get anything done, I'm weepy and mean all the time, I'm a big ball of miserable.
But I feel like literally I'm never going to go into labor.
*sigh* Okay, hope no one actually went through the trouble of reading this enormous ramble. But I feel a bit better just getting it all out, haha.
A few weeks ago I was so freaked out about possibly being pregnant another 6 weeks that I started reverse psyching myself out. Reading about the benefits to baby in those last weeks of pregnancy, etc. And reading about how much I do not want another induction! Pitocin hurts! Anxiety to have the baby NOW can really overwhelm the more important (yet sometimes subconscious) desire to have a nice, normal, natural birth and the best way to set ourselves up for that is to let it happen on its own. I know you know all this, it's just hard to keep it in the forefront when you're feeling uncomfortable!!
I didn't appreciate it, but we are in two different situations 
a little better.
Follow Mothering