Telling Family and Friends - Page 2

[Monarchgrrl]

My mom has known for as long as I've known I wanted a HB, so about 3 years. She's sorta crunchy anyway so she's fine with it. She's attended HB's before and will be at mine, knitting in the corner.

I was really worried about telling my dad and step-mom. He is in the medical field and is usually against anything natural. He was horrified and laughed when we mentioned we'd be CDing. "You'll change your mind fast on that one!" I was not ok with lying to my dad since we're really close and he was already asking about doctors and what hospital, etc. So, I emailed him and said this is what we're doing and that I've researched it for a few years and all I want is support even if it's not something he would choose. He wrote back that it sounded like I did my research, it's my body, my choice and he supports me. I was shocked!!

We told my MIL and BIL/SIL in person (only because they happened to ask about hospitals) and MIL started freaking out and praying the rosary right in our living room! We just laughed. She's worried but she knows better than to say anything or not support us. BIL just doesn't understand how it's physically possible to actually give birth in a living room or bedroom. He's pretty clueless. SIL's mom had 9 babies at home so she's supportive even though it's opposite of what she's chosen.

Our friends are all supportive. Only one friend has had a baby and she now wishes she did more research first. Another friend is pregnant and is seriously considering HB after comparing our prenatal stories.

All in all, we're pretty outspoken and opinionated people and don't let anyone's opinion or fear bother us at all. If they aren't willing to do any reading or research then they have no right to say anything to us, so we won't let them. They all know we're more educated on the subject than they are.

[BlackSheepPDX]

I see it as an opportunity to educate. I patiently and thoughtfully respond to the many concerns people bring up, and generally don't have any trouble.

My parents were of course terrified when I said I wasn't seeing any doctors for my first pregnancy, and that I wasn't planning to birth in a hospital, but rather a freestanding midwifery (which is like birthing at someone else's home). I explained everything about my care, and what kind of training and skills midwives have, and they came around to trust my decision. When we decided on a homebirth for my second, they thought it weird at first, but again, I explained the situation, and got the picture.

As far as transfer, I personally view transfer as a potentially necessary component of a successful homebirth. My goal is not to birth at home, but to birth safely. If my trusted birth attendants feel that something requires additional care that they cannot provide at my home, I would readily go to where I can get the care. However, I confidently choose homebirth knowing that the likelihood of a transfer situation is very low in a healthy, normal pregnancy.

I'm not one for hiding from conflict. I make my choices, and I stand behind them, but I'm more than happy to discuss and respect other points of view. I do think what it ultimately comes down to is making the decisions that make YOU the most comfortable. I understand that some people aren't comfortable with homebirth, and that's THEIR decision to make. But I'm the one that needs to be comfortable with MY birthing choices. There's a reason I'm the Black Sheep.

[Mama Metis]

Originally Posted by BlackSheepPDX

I see it as an opportunity to educate. I patiently and thoughtfully respond to the many concerns people bring up, and generally don't have any trouble.

My parents were of course terrified when I said I wasn't seeing any doctors for my first pregnancy, and that I wasn't planning to birth in a hospital, but rather a freestanding midwifery (which is like birthing at someone else's home). I explained everything about my care, and what kind of training and skills midwives have, and they came around to trust my decision. When we decided on a homebirth for my second, they thought it weird at first, but again, I explained the situation, and got the picture.

As far as transfer, I personally view transfer as a potentially necessary component of a successful homebirth. My goal is not to birth at home, but to birth safely. If my trusted birth attendants feel that something requires additional care that they cannot provide at my home, I would readily go to where I can get the care. However, I confidently choose homebirth knowing that the likelihood of a transfer situation is very low in a healthy, normal pregnancy.

I'm not one for hiding from conflict. I make my choices, and I stand behind them, but I'm more than happy to discuss and respect other points of view. I do think what it ultimately comes down to is making the decisions that make YOU the most comfortable. I understand that some people aren't comfortable with homebirth, and that's THEIR decision to make. But I'm the one that needs to be comfortable with MY birthing choices. There's a reason I'm the Black Sheep.

Beautifully said!!!

[honeybee]

For our first homebirth, we told my mom and brother early on. My mom has always seen birth as natural, and although she had hospital births because she didn't know she had any other choice, she has always spoken about how birthing was fine... it was the U/A violation drs and nurses that were the problem in her births. I also remember her talking positively about a celebrity hb story in a magazine while at the time I was just thinking it was a crazy celebrity thing to do.

We chose not to say anything to the ILs or to my dad and stepmom. My dad and MIL are both anxious types, so I figured we'd spare them the anxiety. Plus, my MIL will not talk to me about things... she would most likely just berate and interrogate dh about it behind my back, and he didn't need that stress. He would support me, but he doesn't have all the facts/figures to address the oddball concerns my MIL would come up with.

We did end up telling everybody at about 38 weeks. I didn't want them to be hurt after the fact that we didn't tell them about it, but this way we weren't listening to crap all pg long. My dad asked a few questions, but that was it. Then he went and worried about it to everyone else, but left me alone. I was fine with that. MIL made a point of biting her tongue and really tried to be rational.... which I appreciated. She asked a couple of "what if" questions, and we answered them. She actually did so well, I even invited her to the birth to possibly help with ds1, if she was comfortable with it. She did not want to be *at* the birth, but did want to see baby right away afterwards. She ended up getting there about 5 minutes after baby was born. She sounded really impressed with my mw, and talked about how she explained everything, etc.

But still, the next time we planned a hb, she still told dh we were "crazy." But then, she thinks that about all our parenting decisions, even though none of her forebodings have come true about anything.

[sweetcheeks]

We told my mom and she was supportive... but she knew that if we had another that I would be having a HB, provided the pregnancy was a normal, healthy one. We did NOT tell my ILs until after DS2 was born. MIL is a nurse and has a horror story for everything... she freaked out enough when I used a midwife for my pregnancy and hospital delivery with DD. We knew she would not have respected our decision to HB with #3 and would have spent the pregnancy trying to get us to change our minds. So they found out about it after the fact... they were a bit pissed about it but we straight out told them we knew they (OK, MIL in particular) wouldn't respect our decision so we felt it was best they were not informed of it beforehand.