please walk me through a natural consequence?

[Tuesday]

I'd love it if someone could give me some GD suggestions on dealing with this scenario.

My older son is 7 and an explosive intense lad, possibly with a mood disorder (anxiety, oppositional defiant etc). The young son is 4 and happy energetic physical lad - but no behaviour issues.

I was in the other room half asleep (not feeling well) and I think the younger child was trying to wrestle with older child - they were both laughing and playing. Then the older son inadvertently hit his head and screamed at younger DS, "You're an idiot! " and then quietly muttered, "You're a fuckin' idiot!".

Older DS has been driving me nuts all summer and I'm feeling fluish today. I just came in the room, separated the two kids. Younger one is taking a nap and I sent older DS to his room to cool down. I told him (yet again) he can't name call, and he absolutely can not, can NOT use the f-word. I also asked him why he was upset and what happened and said it's not his brother's fault he hit his head. And even if it was his bro's fault - you don't call him a name, particularly using the f-word.

Over the past months, I have already explained about 1000 times to him not to name call and have given him other word choices to use.

I'm tired and feeling quite ill. I gave him a punishment which is likely not logical but so be it - my brain is not feeling good. He plays a Lego xbox game about 1-2 a week and I've told him he can't play that game for several weeks.

Now, thinking about this entire situation, I wondered if someone could help me look at this in an AP GD sort of way and give suggestions I might employ next time.

Thanks.

[tbone_kneegrabber]

The "natural" consquence is something you don't impose, (if you don't bring a coat the natural consquence is that you will cold) so in the situation above the natural consquences of naming calling and cursing, are that his brother's feeling are hurt and his mom is pissed.

A logical consquence (is imposed although related to the offense) could be writing a letter of apology, takng some time to cool off, taking an anger management class etc.

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Now I want to say that I don't know that I would impose any consquence in the above scenrio, because *I* almost always curse and often name call when I get hurt. It's totally involuntary, with only the threat of a boss being in the room to prevent it from escaping my mouth. Usually the injury is my own fault, yet I yell, curse, and sometimes name call (often if dp tries to help me too soon I'll scream at him, I don't like to be helped when I get hurt, but again it's totally involuntary). It makes dp crazy, he is constantly trying to help me find ways to control my anger and my mouth when I get hurt, to no avail.

[Tuesday]

tbone_kneegrabber - well, thank you for your reply. you sound like me. actually, now, I went to older DS and found out his head banging was the "worst pain ever". So I can totally relate to the freak out and swearing.

I was raised in the old school authoritarian manner - you didn't swear in front of your parents or at someone else - if you did, you'd suffer consequences.

So, sometimes I find the old hardwiring kicks in before I can use GD.

I'm glad you articulated the difference between natural and logical consequences. Thank you - very clear information!

[sgmom]

Originally Posted by tbone_kneegrabber

The "natural" consquence is something you don't impose, (if you don't bring a coat the natural consquence is that you will cold) so in the situation above the natural consquences of naming calling and cursing, are that his brother's feeling are hurt and his mom is pissed.

A logical consquence (is imposed although related to the offense) could be writing a letter of apology, takng some time to cool off, taking an anger management class etc.

Exactly this. And the rest of it too.