All I want to eat is grain

[carfreemama]

I am a fairly skinny (as in, people comment); but not officially underweight 5', 7" 42-year-old. I am pretty fit.

I have kinda stooped posture, which is my only physical complaint. I tend toward anxiety, but am almost never physically sick.

I am part of 3 CSAs and while I cook great veggie and fruit dishes for dh and dd, I often have to force them down myself. I LOVE veggies, but I'm either eating 10 servings a day or none.

I grind my own flour for bread and muffins, but I eat A LOT of them. There are many days when all I want to eat is bread and peanut butter and black coffee.

Is this "emotional eating?" I want to eat mostly plants and very little sugar, but what I CRAVE is almost entirely flour-based. Can anyone tell me why?

[cristeen]

Addiction. Wheat and sugar are addictive substances for many people.

If you have the will power to limit yourself, i commend you. I can't, it's either none or lots. I feel so much more alert when it's none, but the detox period is brutal. If you're interested in trying it, the Paleo/primal tribe in TF is a good resource for ideas and support.

[carfreemama]

Okay Cristeen, thanks. That sounds like a pretty plausible explanation. I am currently trying to rid myself of an ovarian cyst after a miscarriage and this grain thing is not supposed to be helping. I love veggies and fruit, I really do; but my default is good old grain. It's "whole," but it's still grain. I'm doing better with the dairy. I also have to be careful, because I have a history of bulimia and I find it gets triggered when I get restrictive about food. It's a very delicate balance. Everyone always talks about how healthy my diet is, because it seems healthy and I look healthy. I don't eat much in the way of processed food, pop, that sort of thing. I just don't think my diet is high enough in superfoods to be PROTECTIVE, which is what I'm striving for.

I think I am headed for detox on this. It could be part of why the cyst is hanging around (benign by all accounts, but I want to get pregnant again)!

[alireb]

where do you get your protein from? it does sound like an addiction to me. also sometimes you crave the foods you shouldnt have. i had to cut out wheat and dairy and i feel so much better. how about some farm fresh eggs for protein if you don't want to eat meat?

[carfreemama]

Alireb, I do eat meat. We are very involved with the local food system here; so overall, I think my diet is pretty balanced. I do eat eggs and was in fact told that grass-fed egg yolk was good for people with ovarian cysts. So on a good day, breakfast is 2 poached eggs with sauteed chard and fresh juiced beets (also for cyst prophylaxis). On a "bad" day, it's whole wheat toast with peanut butter and honey. This is sometimes also lunch.

Cheese is also supposed to be really bad for cysts, but it's one of my favourite foods, too. I haven't had such a hard time cutting down on cheese, surprisingly.

Once a week we get community-fisheries fish, so that's our protein then. Otherwise, I eat lots of dried beans cooked with rice or sometimes meat.

The problem is, I can go for days just eating grains and feel awful. I am not bloated, though. Just writing this out helps me see how out of balance I can get.

I am currently overwhelmed by too much food, too much choice. I need to clear out the fridge and cupboards and start fresh with my new goals. I am currently feeling guilty, because I know there is food going bad in the fridge and somehow I think this is making it harder to eat the food I have.

Addiction. Yuck. I really do think that's it.

[alireb]

I hear you, it's hard to change. I follow a primal diet myself so I don't do any grains or dairy now as well as sugar. It was hard for the first day or two but I feel so much better and I don't even want them anymore.

A good resource is marksdailyapple.com if you want more info on how bad grains are for you and how to eat more primal.

[carfreemama]

Off to check this out, alireb. I can't see myself giving up grains. I have a grain mill, after all! I mostly just want to crowd them out. I found when I was eating the 9-12 servings of veggies I heard were really protective, there wasn't much room left for things like bread. I did feel great, too. Thanks.

[la mamita]

how much are you eating other non-wheat starchy foods, like potatoes, rice, yucca/cassava, sweet potatoes, oats, quinoa? is your preference just for wheat or all grains/starches? i just did a month of gluten-free (healing gut after parasite infection) and i found that eating non-wheat carb foods was much more satisfying. maybe just replacing flour with other starchy foods would be a good first step, especially if you are trying to kick the habit while using moderation. going carb free or completely grain free might be a trigger for your eating disorder--it's a pretty drastic change.

[carfreemama]

la mamita, I think just going wheat-free is a good idea. I love quinoa. I only eat potatoes when they're in our CSA box, so new potatoes right now. Will "cutting back" help if I really am addicted to this stuff? I think I have do be moderate. I don't think I've made it to the 1-year mark of not purging yet, though I've been almost there for years. It's amazing how quickly it can pop up again if I don't watch my triggers. I think having a high metabolism and a tendency to lose weight easily must factor into this somehow. I'm generally really healthy, just a bit sped up. That's why lots of veggies makes with some good fats stabilizes me so much. But when I get hungry, bread feels sooo good.

[Fi'sMom]

OMG... We are EXACTLY alike!!! (Although, I'm only 5'2"!)... I looove veggies, but it's either 6 cups at one sitting, or none at all. And I craaaave Ezekiel english muffins with mounds of PB or AB, brown rice with black beans, quinoa with lentils, and of course, cake, cookies, coffee and wine! Sometimes I dwell and worry that I'm not eating "perfectly," but thankfully I also have days where I think, "Good grief, I gotta chill out and not think and obsess so much about what I eat!"

[carfreemama]

Fi'sMom, that sounds EXACTLY like my preferred diet. It doesn't sound nearly so bad when you write it out, though. Maybe it really is not so bad. In reality, I never gain or lose weight (unless I'm really stressed and then I get scary thin); I am very rarely sick and when I am, it's over in a couple of days; I have tons of energy and am often told I look younger than 42. OTOH, I am anxious and scattered and now I have this ovarian cyst; so I am questioning the balance in my life and looking more at my food. The all-or-nothing is me in so many ways other than food, too. Not sure whether to accept that it's generally healthy, or keep trying to tweak it.

[Ligeia]

I just found this thread, actually searching the forums for ovarian cysts. Anyway, I just wanted to offer my experience as well in response to the op. Before I was diagnosed with a gluten intolerance (celiac disease specifically), I was ALWAYS eating breads and sugars. I thought about it on a regular basis like an addiction. It smelled so deliciously heavenly! Not that it matters much but I have a very similar build to yours and am also vegetarian. From what I have come to learn through other celiac patients and through my doctor, it is a common symptom for gluten intolerant people to crave gluten. I just wanted to throw that out there in case you were still struggling with this. I hope it is not the case for you! Good luck!