$$$ to start over

[ItsAllGood]

How much to you think it takes on average to "start over"? KWIM
I was thinking about for a year? With no other support, no CS, no ali.
Sure I know it would depend on living style etc. But just on average.

[Mummoth]

I said greater than $20,000.

I live in a pretty high cost area, and have two kids... rent for my 2 bedroom place is $1100./mo. (utilities included) and we spent about $400. on groceries. Right there you're at $18,000. Add transportation costs, clothing, school supplies, a phone... sorry to be the bearer of bad news

[Oh the Irony]

Are you talking about a lump sum? Income? Do you plan on working?

[AAK]

Originally Posted by Oh the Irony

Are you talking about a lump sum? Income? Do you plan on working?

I voted even though I wanted more details too. I said 5-10K. I am assuming that would be your "start up" money. Included would be first, last, and damage deposit, enough money to stock the pantry, get basics for your place, and pay for childcare for a month, and have a bit left over. I assume that you would have a job, only one in childcare, and that the cost of living in your area is average.

Ah, crud--just saw that you wanted it to be for a year. Yikes. It would be hard to come up with a year's worth all at once. So, after the start up costs, I would expect monthly income needing to be able to cover $1000 rent, $1000 childcare??? really varies a lot (area, #kids, etc), $300 food, $200 transportation costs, $15-$75 phone.

Amy

[ItsAllGood]

Originally Posted by AAK

I voted even though I wanted more details too. I said 5-10K. I am assuming that would be your "start up" money. Included would be first, last, and damage deposit, enough money to stock the pantry, get basics for your place, and pay for childcare for a month, and have a bit left over. I assume that you would have a job, only one in childcare, and that the cost of living in your area is average.

Ah, crud--just saw that you wanted it to be for a year. Yikes. It would be hard to come up with a year's worth all at once. So, after the start up costs, I would expect monthly income needing to be able to cover $1000 rent, $1000 childcare??? really varies a lot (area, #kids, etc), $300 food, $200 transportation costs, $15-$75 phone.

Amy

Yes, sorry I see that was pretty broad. I would say the "initial stepping out" amount needed. Considering the employment climate, it may take six months to find a sustainable job. So stepping out and needing to "fend for yourself" for six months to one year.

[Minxie]

With the added information, I voted greater than $20k and I would recommend getting a job FIRST if at all possible so that you are already established and not in that position.

[rhiandmoi]

It really depends on what kind of assistance the person would qualify for and what kind of non-monetary support is available.

It would be good to have first and last months rent, $500-1,000 cash emergency fund, pre-approval for any gov't assistance, and access to up to $5000 in credit. So I voted $5-10,000. But really, you can start over with $0 in your pocket as long as you have determination.

[meemee]

20,000 TWENTY THOUSAND?!!!!

that was my first reaction. please note mummoth i am not making fun of you. i was just thinking if i had that to start with - all the fears, and panic attacks and terror would not have been my reality teh first year.

OP there is no 'how much' it takes to start over? the reason being 'money in the savings' account is not a reality for many of us. i was already a wohm so i had a paycheck coming in. it wasnt very much. but i barely managed to squeak by with rent, utilities, daycare and usually $50 left over for food for the month. i didnt qualify for welfare at that time.

today as a student i make even less. but life has been kind to me. right now i dont pay rent, i dont pay for food, i just pay for my school supplies and gas. a proff. felt sorry for me and is giving me a break till the end of this year. in exchange i cook, clean house and help his sons with their homework.

but if i had to make it on my barebones budget i could survive on $1000 including rent and utilities. and food. however. i refuse to be back on foodstamps again. medical is enough. it is just so much trouble and such humiliation that i will do whatever it takes to never be on food stamps again - unless i have NO other choice.

[lilyka]

I would say about $20000. Rent here is cheaper. My three bedroom rents for $600 and deposit would be $500. ($8000 including moving expenses) Utilities and groceries...my utilities run about $125 and groceries about $600 but I know that is high so we will go with $400 and most people will need some money for clothes , entertainment, and gifts lets say about $100 a month ..that brings your total for misc to ($7500) . You will need a car here. our public transportation sucks too much to use all the time and using it part of the time still leaves you needing a car so if you are already paying for a car it is cheaper to just use than use the buses. lets say you have small payments on a car, about $100 a month plus insurance $50 plus gas and routine maintenance $75 per month ($2,700). That brings it up to $18,000 dollars plus you will want some more for things that are hanging over (debt) and emergencies (roof caving in, Dr, visits, car repair, city citations for forced property improvements ...maybe my city is the only one that screws people like that) Of course if I wasn't working I could probably get buy using the bus. Plus monthly expenses and money for emergencies. My paid off car blew up shortly after the divorce was finalized. However with significantly less you could get all kinds of aid like food stamps (which around here gives you far more than I spend on a very liberal budget. I could get all organic, healthy foods if I qualified for the full amount. You can't do that unless you have almost no income)

Oh and I am basing this on what I would have needed for three kids (7,10, and 14) in a harsh environment (walking is hard most of the year), suburb (things are not close like they are in a city so walking is again difficult), and I got stuck with a house I can't sell and the mortgage to go with it and wanted to preserve my credit.

So to feel comfortable for a year I would need at least $20,000. Which is a little less than what my budget was the first year (but I had child support and alimony, a part time job and renters)

[Mummoth]

Originally Posted by meemee

20,000 TWENTY THOUSAND?!!!!

that was my first reaction. please note mummoth i am not making fun of you. i was just thinking if i had that to start with - all the fears, and panic attacks and terror would not have been my reality teh first year.

I totally understand the fears... 3 years later, I still get a huge wave of relief after a trip to the grocery store! The kids and I lived in the family home while I tried to reason with their mentally unstable father to put it on the market. (there was a no-contact order on him) He eventually forced it into foreclosure (I couldn't make full payments on my own) and the bank let us stay there until it sold. It didn't cost me $20,000. my first year because I didn't have to deal with the reality of paying housing costs. If I did, I'd have spent $20,000.+ by the end of each year, as I have since we moved.

[doubledutch]

my life as a single mama isn't that different from life with stbx, financially. same job, same house. differences are greater childcare cost, and lower cost of groceries and all the unnecessary things he spent money on. it's not completely a wash, and things were already tight, but my mom is helping with childcare so we are okay.

i guess stbx is the one starting over much more dramatically than me. new job, new apartment. he's renting from a friend and working pt for that friend in exchange for rent on a flexible schedule around his other job, so basically he has no bills, just has to buy groceries, smokes and whatever else he wants out of his wages from his primary job. it would be nice if he'd contribute rather than expecting me to come up with some chunk of money for him to "start over" when he really doesn't even need it.

[BabyMae09]

Originally Posted by meemee

however. i refuse to be back on foodstamps again. medical is enough. it is just so much trouble and such humiliation that i will do whatever it takes to never be on food stamps again - unless i have NO other choice.

I don't find it humiliating, I find it very freeing that I can get good, healthy food for our family, especially considering that we have a few special dietary needs. There's no way we'd eat half-way decent if we didn't get food stamps. I consider them a huge blessing. And we also have a rather large garden.

I think you could make it work for anywhere from $5,000-$10,000 depending on if you use housing assistance, food stamps, medical, get help with power bills, etc. Those programs are there for a reason, and Mama, you are that reason

[meemee]

babymae when i first started it was. the attitude of the social worker didnt matter. i NEEDED it desperately. however i still need it. but now the attitude of the staff gets to me. dunno if its my particular office. the waiting in line. paperwork. i dont really care about being a welfare mom. but the attitude of the workers is what gets to me. plus i have enough going on in my life. so so so busy. i try to get away from those guys as much as possible.

and i FOUND a way. i volunteer hours at my local organic farm in exchange for food boxes. how cool is that or what?!!!!! i know. lucky me.

[ItsAllGood]

Yes, I am wondering how to get by for the first year while all this is going down. Not sure if stx will even help out. And if I get the house, if I will be able to maintain it. I think I will surely need to move out, so whether to move now to find employment or wait till this is all settled in the final decree. So basically I am starting now on my own and we are just entering the process. I don't have support from stx in the meantime. If I borrow money I would like it to be a one time thing instead of going back to the well again and again. No credit cards. Yes I have considered food stamps, but we have assets that have not been divy up yet.
I just wonder how much do I need to get by while this whole process is going on, I see that can take up to a year, yikes. I am trying to see if moving now makes senses or would compound the problem.
Is the worst of it financially surviving during through the divorce process? or after? It seems to be during the process, I could be wrong? I feel in such limbo and with no help from stx I am very wary of finances. Jeez it seems I would need to pay for everything and legal till it is over and then hope for cs, ali, reimbursed legal. But jeez how much to make it till then. Sorry for the long post, I am just scared out of my mind. I may be able to get some help in the short term, I just need to figure out how much to beg for. Stx has adults who have been through this to talk to and he has been through this before. I feel alone, thank god for you guys. It is late in the evening and I am feeling worried. Just trying to make a good financial plan and look ahead the best I can.

[vannienicole]

I had assets that hadn't been split. There isn't a resource test for food stamps right now (at least not in my state and I think federally as well) so you don't have to worry about that.

[LoveOhm]

I voted more than 20K but I wanted to clarify. I do think it depends on the overall situation. It's like your lifestyle, location and what training, etc. should all be factored in.

I live in a very high COL area and was just starting college when I became prego. With the blessing of family help I am able to get by on slightly less than 20K per year but all my living expenses are covered. Beyond that I get financial aid from school, government aid and I have a supportive significant other. My only bills are the copayment for my daughter's childcare, my cell phone and a car note (but right now I am in between cars).