Really hard day - please reassure me

[Cartesia]

My DS is almost 21 months and we had a horrible, heart wrenching crying-for- mama-time when I left for work this afternoon.

It was really really hard. I felt terrible and I need some perspective - it sounded like his little heart was breaking and mine sure was.

I work super part-time - he is with a babysitter 10 hours a week and with a parent the rest of the time (mostly me).

I don't know if it is just luck, but until today we have had pretty easy good-byes. Sometimes he wasn't happy about it but after extra hugs and kisses he was fine. Also, until recently I had the luxury to leave late or cancel work so there were times when he didn't want me to leave so I stayed.

My job situation has changed and I MUST walk out the door on time.

He has had several babysitters - my parents, a few family friends and now his newish regular babysitter. Today was about the 10th time she has babysat. He connected with her very easily at first and seemed fine with her. When I checked in with her later today she told me that he sat in her lap and cried for 8 minutes and then they read books and he was fine. I'm pretty sure this isn't about this particular babysitter.

Also, whenever DW and I are both home he wants to be with me and not her. This has always been the case but it has gotten much more pronounced in the past week.

I'm thinking that he is hitting a milestones and probably starting on his last molars. This does nothing to make me feel better about leaving him today.

Please reassure me mamas. I had some major separation trauma when I was a toddler (my parents left me with a nanny and didn't live with me for 6 months). I KNOW that leaving today was not what my parents did but inside it feels that horrible to me. Perspective please

[faithsstuff]

you are not a bad mama. Your little guy loves you and is learning that yes, you leave, and you always come back.

[tangledblue]

Yes, it's a phase. (I hope! My dd is doing the same kind of thing and she just turned 2. More separation anxiety than she has had in 6 months.) Also, the fact that your leaving time is nonnegotiable is a change, and he might even sense that you're a little stressed about getting there on time. Maybe build in an extra 15 min for goodbye for those times when he's upset? He'll be ok...plenty of kids see their parents less! It's gut wrenching, I know, but 8 min isn't that long, as long as he generally likes his babysitter.

I remember I babysat for the child of one of my profs in college (she was 2) they went out to dinner, and she cried for 5 minutes. It didn't feel that long to me, callous childless creature that I was but when I told the parents, they looked horrified. The kid and I had a great time after the first five minutes. It's normal for him to be upset at first, but more important is did he recover and enjoy himself.