anyone else home with kids, on their own, doing it all?

[Awaken]

I know there must be others out there...just not apparently where I live. It would be nice to know I'm not alone. Since having my third child, I have left my part time job, and have been completely home with the kids.

My older son is homeschooled, and the younger in preschool, but for a few hours a week, so that leaves me with 3 kids pretty much most of the time. My dh works long hours, so I'm alone from morning until bedtime, coming up with things for us to do. My older 2 don't get along well, so they don't ever just "go play", I need to entertain them, take them on trips, do focused activities constantly or they will actually harm one another or fight nonstop. So while the constant activity is hard, it's harder NOT doing all that stuff.

They don't ever nap, or rest, or stop moving, or stop talking. They don't go to bed til 10 often, and are up at 7. I see my husband a few minutes per day, and usually I'm too tired and emotionally exhausted from the day to have a conversation. I have zero time to do outside activities of my own, most of the time just getting a second to shove in a mouthful of food or schedule a moment to use the bathroom is a challenge.

We have no family around, and no possibility of living near family, or having any family live near us to help. My older son has emotional/social issues so he can't be left with a babysitter, so my husband and I can't ever go out alone. Our sole form of childcare if I need to do something is dh taking vacation time from work.

I am on my own to do all housework, cooking, errands, and appointments. Everyone else I know, their kids go to school, or they have a housekeeper, hire people to do their yardwork, or they have family around to watch the kids whenever they need it so they can go on appointments or dates, the kids go on sleepovers to other people's houses, the husband comes home at 5 and makes dinner, the kids take naps and give the parents a break every day, or they play happily together and the mom is off cooking, sewing, doing yoga, or otherwise living her own life. We are beyond our limit with paying for preschool, so can't afford additional babysitting for the younger kids, or to hire a landscaper or housekeeper.

So, does anyone else hang out with your kids, 24/7/365 AND do everything else to run a household alone, and if so, how do you come to peace with it. I tell myself that there is nothing in life more important than raising children and being present for them, but I can't help but feel unsatisfied a lot of the time, since it's ALL I do in life. I know, or hope, that one day things may change- perhaps my second child will end up going to school, perhaps my older son will stabilize and be able to be left with someone, perhaps something unexpected will happen in our families and we'll end up with more support. But for now, none of that is on the horizon.

[CherryBombMama]

s

[NewMoonMum]

I'm afraid I don't have much useful to say, other than I understand at least some of what you are feeling. I only have one (with another due in November), but I do SAH, and he's quite active. I also am thousands of miles away from family, and no extra money whatsoever. It's super hard to be on duty all the time.
I wish I could say something helpful-but I at least wanted to tell you I hear you, and am sending you lots of

[treeoflife3]

Yes, I do everything currently except fill the bank account with the money to run the home.

My husband is military and that has moved us away from family. This coupled with my social anxiety making it really hard for me to get out and make friends (wouldn't even know HOW anyway) has left me mostly alone.

My husband recently deployed so it will be all me all the time however I only have one kiddo to entertain. She isn't really old enough to help out around the house though... unless you count her 'help' as actual help hehe. Otherwise, I do everything all the time save for the rare visit from mom or grandma and I'll have about a monthish back home... of course, I'll have to do the 12ish hour drive alone with a toddler... i'd stay home longer but I can only stand my family for so long. I love them and they are generally good people, but living with them for extended periods reminds me of why I wanted to move out upon entering adulthood in the first place :P

[provocativa]

well, my kids can get out of control often, they also have medical issues, but i give them calming supplements- vitamin d3 and magnesium and gaba and sometimes 5-htp. i also try to give them food sources of the calming nutrients, and homeopathics. and we got rid of the tv which forces them to interact more (rough transition but worth it). the earlier they go outside in sunlight the better, because that stimulates the circadian rhythms, and the more jumping, bouncing activities (joint compression iirc) the better. i am with mine 24/7, my dh works 6 days a week, but he does do much housework so it's no comparison.

[Learning_Mum]

I'm a single, SAHM so I am by myself all the time.

I just suck it up and do it because I have to (much like you I imagine). I get my kids to bed at 7.30pm and after that I have time to do things for me. I would say that your kids are severly sleep deprived and would suggest that you do anything in your power to get them to bed earlier. Not only will it be good for them, it will be good for you.

[shells_n_cheese]

I don't completely know what you are going through, as my DH does come home around 6 every night, but I can pretty much relate to most of what you said. I also have no family/support network in the area. No sitters. It's just me, me, me and sometimes DH 24/7/365. And yes, it is really tough.

I have no advice other than what PP said, if the kids are up at 7 and in bed at 11, that is MUCH too late. If they aren't napping or resting at all during the day, and staying up that many hours on end, it is a recipe for over-tiredness and DISASTER. It could be why they aren;t getting along, maybe they are too tired and cranky.

Try to get them to bed earlier, or at least have quite time during the day in their rooms, maybe in bed reading quietly, or playing with a toy. They may surprise you and just might fall asleep.

Hang in there!

[mbhf]

My dh is military, he works very long hours when he is home and is gone for weeks or months at a time. We live far from family, and honestly I think it's easier that way. Our routine is majorly disturbed any time we visit family or have family visit us and that makes things very hard.

For us, as long as we stick pretty closely to our routine and eat well, we don't have a problem. I do notice a big change when my kids don't get enough sleep or eat a lot of junk, and it takes a while to get back to normal.

Our routine is fairly flexible, and there are only a few things that are important to us. I would imagine the most things are pretty universally important but of course times and that kind of thing will probably vary a lot.

Wake up is between 6 and 8. Sometimes a little earlier. I don't wake anyone but my oldest unless we need to go somewhere. My youngest is usually the first to wake up, and my 3yo always wakes up when I get up. I wake my 7yo around 7 if he's not already awake, because otherwise he has trouble falling asleep at night. My 5yo can sleep as late as he wants, though he very rarely sleeps past 8.

I make breakfast as soon as I get up, something with a good amount of protien, usually sprouted wheat bagels and eggs with spinach and citrus juice. Everyone eats very soon after waking, if not we get grumpy and lazy feeling fast.

We try to go out somewhere in the morning. Generally the playground, though if it's grocery day or whatever we do that first thing. The kids snack in the morning a lot, generally fruit or a granola bar since we're usually out. Anything we need to get done, we try to get done before noon.

The baby naps around noon. This is important. It doesn't really matter how long she sleeps, or where she sleeps, it just needs to be around noon. Later and she gets grumpy and it messes up her nighttime sleep. Lunch is around this time too.

We eat dinner early. My dh is never home for dinner, so there's no sense in waiting for a normal dinner time. I usually start dinner around 3 and we eat around 4. We very rarely go anywhere after dinner, we might go outside and play or take a walk around the neighborhood. Baths as needed, then a snack for whoever wants one.

The two little ones are in bed by 7. Sometimes they go as early as 6. This is really important, if I don't get them in bed until 7:20 they don't go to sleep for an hour, maybe more, and if I didn't know better I would think they just weren't tired yet, but the reality is that they're over tired and can't wind down. My older kids (5 and 7) generally stay out in the living room until 7:30, they pick up if it hasn't already been done or just watch some TV or something. At 7:30 they go to their bed (if I haven't come out for them yet) and read. Generally, the two little ones are asleep by 7:30 so I come out and get them and they either come lay down with me or we read together. They are usually asleep by 8. Sometimes they ask to come to bed with the babies. That is more than fine with me. The babies and I cosleep and the boys either sleep in their room together or on a twin sized mattress beside my bed.

After the kids go to sleep I usually stay up for about an hour in bed, watching lame TV or something. I don't like to come out of the bedroom because I end up staying up too late and then I'm tired in the morning, I also usually find something that "needs" to be done, but I wouldn't have noticed otherwise, like mopping the kitchen floor. I try to have a no housework after the kids are asleep policy. But I also make sure the house is picked up and swept/vacuumed before I put them to bed. Waking up to a messy house is depressing and then I try to get everything done before we go out which means we don't get out of the house until 10am or later and it messes up the routine.

This is really long. I had some coffee this morning, which makes me unusually long winded.

[dachshundqueen]

I also agree that the children probably aren't getting enough sleep.

Another suggestion would be to drop pre school in favor of having a hired person come in to watch all three children once a week perhaps so that you could have some child free time.

Liz

[Nazsmum]

I know what you are going though. I'm in the same boat. My husband goes to work at 4:30am...Home about 7-8pm. Sometime even later. It is hard most days. My younger guy does take a nap. But other then that yeah I'm right there with you.

[Munchkinmaker]

I was in a similar position a few years back. I understand how hard it is, I feel badly knowing that other moms go through this & I know how hard it is to feel the way you do right now. It's so lonely and overwhelming... but it probably doesn't help to hear that your misery has company either, you just want help.

I hope it helps to know that I eventually found my rhythm as a SAHM with little outside help. Everyone finds their rhythm differently no matter what their circumstances. When you're in the middle of it all, it seems like the possibly of finding that harmony in your life isn't possible given the cards you're dealt. Just trust in yourself as a mom and have faith in your abilities. Rely on what you can do for yourself first instead of building resentment when the reinforcements don't show up. Resentment is a killer in this situation!! Focus on your tasks and stay organized. Don't waste energy on counting minutes waiting for your DH to show, assume your flying solo until he arrives (this really saved me!!). Learn to let the little things go (cut the grass tomorrow, leave that load of laundry for now) and focus on what's important in your day, like establishing a proper bedtime. If the kids are in bed at a decent hour it could really change your life. Something like a decent bedtime is an investment in not only your kids but you as well, trust me hun!

You can do this!

[Awaken]

Thank you all so much for your thoughts, suggestions, and encouragement you've given me a lot to think about. All the changes will take time...but having the beginnings of a plan helps me feel better.

mbhf- thanks for writing out your routine it was helpful to hear what you do and have some comparison!

Originally Posted by provocativa

i give them calming supplements- vitamin d3 and magnesium and gaba and sometimes 5-htp. i also try to give them food sources of the calming nutrients, and homeopathics.

the earlier they go outside in sunlight the better, because that stimulates the circadian rhythms, and the more jumping, bouncing activities (joint compression iirc) the better. i am with mine 24/7, my dh works 6 days a week, but he does do much housework so it's no comparison.

Oh- my dh does do a ton, too, it's just that he's only home at night and weekends.

Anyway- calming supplements are a good idea, esp. for my older son. I take some myself, and have to narrow down what would be best for the kids and what they would actually take. They do get D3 and fatty acids and occasionally homeopathics or rescue remedy.

Hmmm.. good idea about getting out in the sun earlier- the way things have worked, they are up so early and by the time I eat bkfst, they are starting to go wild and really needing an activity, so that's when I try to do homeschooling since I want to do that when they're fresh and well rested- it's too hard to corral them later in the day to do sit-down work. Then the baby is ready for a nap around 10-11 for 2 hrs or so, so we're home but can be outside running around, and then we're ready for lunch. We don't usually get to the park or other really active stuff until afternoon, but maybe there is some way I could get in more outdoor jumping around in the am and see if it helps.

Originally Posted by Learning_Mum

. I would say that your kids are severly sleep deprived and would suggest that you do anything in your power to get them to bed earlier. Not only will it be good for them, it will be good for you.

You really have me thinking here. I have monitored their hours of sleep the past few days. They are getting around 10 hrs which is on the low normal side for their ages (I just looked it up). My dh gets home at 7, and we begin the bedtime routine immediately, but it takes until 8:30 or so to get them changed, read to, washed up, etc plus one of us is away putting the baby asleep during that time so one of the kids is left to entertain themselves. Even if we start early, they won't actually SLEEP until 9-10pm. I can't force them to sleep, even if I do the bedtime routine early. And I can't put them to bed before 7 b/c otherwise they will never spend time with their dad and I can't do 3 kids' bedtimes by myself anyway!

BUT you do have me thinking that we should do what we can to shorten the routine, use relaxing supplements, et.

Example: yesterday I kept them out hiking literally all day- from 9-5 we were out. Did bedtime at 7:30, they were asleep by 9. Were up before 7 this morning raring to go. I can't have them out for 8 hrs a day every day, it's just not practical- if they slee 10 hrs with THAT much activity, how can I get them to sleep longer on a more "normal" amount?

Originally Posted by shells_n_cheese

, or at least have quite time during the day in their rooms, maybe in bed reading quietly, or playing with a toy. They may surprise you and just might fall asleep.

Hang in there!

Thanks But that is funny b/c if it were that easy, I would have been doing it all this time! If I put them in their rooms for quiet time, they simply come out, or continue talking to me, or continuously beg for me to do something with or for them. Other than locking them in there, I don't know how else I can physically "make" them rest or stay put. They will not be still or stop coming up with great activities to do, or play on their own, unless they're watching tv and I try not to depend on that. I do tv breaks for my own sanity, so I can get dinner ready or when we all need a mental break but I don't know if that can be considered rest time. Any tips of how to "enforce" rest time are appreciated-

Originally Posted by dachshundqueen

Another suggestion would be to drop pre school in favor of having a hired person come in to watch all three children once a week perhaps so that you could have some child free time.

I have been considering this b/c the school is kind of far away, cuts my day in half, interrupts the baby's naps, but it is so great for my son, and he loves it SO much. I feel like his older brother gets so much of our resources and so many special things b/c of his issues, the 5 yo really deserves something special of his own, too and it would be heartbreaking to take it away from him. But I'm still keeping in mind a nanny or daycare closer by if school ends up being too much.

Originally Posted by Munchkinmaker

I was in a similar position a few years back. I understand how hard it is, I feel badly knowing that other moms go through this & I know how hard it is to feel the way you do right now. It's so lonely and overwhelming... but it probably doesn't help to hear that your misery has company either, you just want help.

I hope it helps to know that I eventually found my rhythm as a SAHM with little outside help. Everyone finds their rhythm differently no matter what their circumstances. When you're in the middle of it all, it seems like the possibly of finding that harmony in your life isn't possible given the cards you're dealt. Just trust in yourself as a mom and have faith in your abilities. Rely on what you can do for yourself first instead of building resentment when the reinforcements don't show up. Resentment is a killer in this situation!! Focus on your tasks and stay organized. Don't waste energy on counting minutes waiting for your DH to show, assume your flying solo until he arrives (this really saved me!!). Learn to let the little things go (cut the grass tomorrow, leave that load of laundry for now) and focus on what's important in your day, like establishing a proper bedtime. If the kids are in bed at a decent hour it could really change your life. Something like a decent bedtime is an investment in not only your kids but you as well, trust me hun!

You can do this!

THANK YOU! Yes, actually it DOES make me feel better to have company Part of my problem is feeling so alone with my issues, so knowing that I'm not the only one is very comforting, even though I do need the help!!

Everything you said is very applicable and helpful - thanks You are so right about not waiting on dh- just do what I have to do. It is so hard not to be resentful of others who have lots of help and seem to have it easier, and wonder why I have it harder. On one hand I could do things to make my life easier- just put them all in public school, or move away to an area with less opportunity but perhaps a family member to help- but I have to take pride in the fact that we do what is best for our individual kids, even if that means life is harder for us.

[DaughterOfKali]

I'm right there with you. I'm single (no partner to provide a paycheck). I do everything.
When ds's father does take ds out for a few hours, ds always calls me saying he wants to come home.

[To-Fu]

Originally Posted by dachshundqueen

I also agree that the children probably aren't getting enough sleep.

Another suggestion would be to drop pre school in favor of having a hired person come in to watch all three children once a week perhaps so that you could have some child free time.

Liz

Having read Sleepless in America, I tend to want to agree about the lack-of-sleep thing.

And as far as dropping preschool and getting help--well, it definitely seems like something to consider. If your kids see you taking care of yourself, it sets a good example for them. But beyond that--and more importantly--you have to take care of yourself, too! Especially to be able to take care of other people 24/7/365 like you are.

[candycat]

I'm still technically married (separated now) but I've been pretty much doing 100% of the parenting for... well, as long as I can remember. When I still expected STBX and I to be doing the parenting thing together, it KILLED me when he didn't pick up the slack or do his fair share. (He didn't even work at the time, just played video games and went to some classes.) I was always FUMING and just angry and bitter. Then, when I realized that our relationship was over anyway, I took on full responsibility - and lo and behold, things seemed so much easier and better. I relaxed more, and it seemed I had *less* to do. Even though I still do everything (i.e. the same as before) the attitude was a 180 and I felt the better for it. I am *proud* I do everything now. "I can do it just fine by myself, thanks!" is better than "I have to do every last damn thing in this damn house and wahhhhhh this sucks!!!" I've so been there. Positive is better than negative, trust.

No family in the area and no money for a sitter. I have two kids, ages 2.5 and 3.5. I'm also a full-time grad student and try to do odd jobs here and there to make money. What I found out, ironically, is that since we've had no car for a few weeks, that the days seem just so loooong that it's crazy. When we were only doing one errand a day even it seemed like we were out and about for most of the day. Now that we're home all the time, things are so much more relaxed. Sometimes I even get bored.

Don't get me wrong, my kids are little whiney-monsters half the time. But we're working on that. What's worked is taking away TV - well, we've always been TV-free but they used to watch DVD's, but there's no more of that anymore, I didn't think it'd make a difference but it did! -and making the whole house as childproof as possible so they can do their own thing without me interfering much. And I am a firm believer in benevolent negligence. I will play with them in short bursts (maybe 2-3 times a day) but I try to stress really clearly that "grown-ups work, children play" and they seem to get that. They will watch and sometimes try to help out if I'm doing chores. And they already have chores of their own to do, plenty of them - laundry, cleaning up, sweeping, doing dishes - my 3 year old does most of these while the 2 year old flits about. But if they're not helping, that means they're out of the way, playing, and unless I really want to do something with them, I don't.

That doesn't mean we don't do things together. Every day we do some sort of arts and crafts, we either cook or bake together (everything is made from scratch so there's always something for them to do, even if it's just fetching ingredients from the fridge for me), we play some board games, we sing songs, etc. We *do* lots of things. But I have no guilt sending them to do their own thing while I read a book for class. They go to their rooms to play, either together or seperately. Or I'll send them out to our fenced yard (and keep an eye on them through our window). Or send them to do xyz because I'm busy. I have ZERO guilt about that. They're bright, they're reasonably happy, they pretend all day long, and they're just happy being kids. There is NO way I'm going to take responsibility for entertaining them through the day.

And I'm not completely GP when it comes to tolerating whining. Whining/tantrums/etc. get a time-out. I'm reasonable when it comes to requests but whining / etc. don't do it for me. I'm a better mommy when I'm happy and I'm *not* happy when they're moaning at me. (Unless they're sick or something, then I drop everything for all-day cuddles and such.)

Maybe if I had someone to switch off with I wouldn't be so "selfish" as to take a mommy time-out during the day to mess around on Facebook or MDC, or to just take a 15 minute bath, or whatever, while the kids are in their rooms. (Sometimes baby-gated off or whatever.) They get a snack and some toys to play with and that's that, mommy needs a break. And they go to bed at 5. I can't do it otherwise; they need the sleep because they don't nap and they get up super early, and I have classes at night. And homework. I am "off" after bedtime - I do classes but zero household chores. If I don't have classwork to do I will then happily zone out. (But actually, since I love my program and love intellectual stimulation I dig classes, they're almost like relaxation for me.) I'm not going to pay bills or organize the fridge or whatever. I am DONE at bedtime. Then I go to bed at 9 or 10 and the day starts at 5 am the next day.

The only thing I miss, really, is someone to help out on sick days. As in, when I'm sick. Or to let me just run an errand by myself without kids sometimes. Other than that, I feel I'm doing fine, and if anyone doesn't agree with the way the house is run - pfft, I dare them to try to do it better!!

[candycat]

Also, I just wanted to say, re: the preschool. I'm 100%, no, 100000% sure that DS would adore preschool. (DD, not so much.) DS would THRIVE in pre-K. But you know what? He also THRIVES at home as well. He would love to play with other kids and be in that setting. But it would be more of a hardship than not for our family. Expense, practicality, etc. DS is part of our family and the costs to our family would outweigh the benefits to him. I can't provide him with EVERY thing that would be his if he went to pre-K. But pre-K also can't provide him with everything he can have at home. You can't have it all, but both options are OK just the way they are. If he didn't have any other children to be around at all, or if he didn't get any intellectual stimulation at home, or if he was in a really tense home where he needed a break from the atmosphere, then sure, I'd say have him go to pre-K. But that's just not the case for my family and I'm pretty sure not the case for yours either. I'm just saying that if you want to send him to pre-K, fine, it's your kid! But if you choose to decide that from now on he will be at home, trust me, his world won't collapse. There will be an adjustment period but he won't be deprived of opportunity, really, honest. I promise.

[mamaofprincesses]

My Dh has one season of the year where he works a ton of overtime, and frequently works late. If I think he MIGHT be home in time to see the kids, I at least get them started. Maybe you could look at the bedtime routine, and do pick up/pajamas/snack/brush teeth (or whatever) before Dad gets home, then he comes in and reads stories and tucks them in for the night. So then, they are ready for sleep at 7:30, and he gets a little quality time with them.

I've also got kids who don't fall asleep until they've been in bed for an hour or two, most nights, and nothing I do seems to change that. I still LOVE that they are in bed at 8:30, and I think the rest is good for them. Sometimes they do fall asleep earlier, and sometimes they lay awake and I'll hear them singing or talking to themselves. Fine, as long as they STAY IN BED!

[Awaken]

Thanks SO much, everyone. I apologize for not being able to get back to respond to this thread before now. I'm feeling a little better about things, but it may be because we have not had a "normal" week in a couple weeks- we were away for awhile, dh has been home, and this week we had a few days of preschool where I had to be with DS in his classroom. Next week starts our real everyday fall schedule with the daily preschool commute and homeschooling and classes and appointments and trying to fit in baby care and naps and meals and housework into all of that again. So, we'll see how it goes managing everything on my own and being out and about so much.

For now I'm continuing preschool because truly, he loves it SO MUCH and I do feel it's a wonderful school and he needs something of his own- I spend so much of my time hs'ing DS1 and attending to the baby, DS2 gets lost in the middle and I really want him to have something constructive and age appropriate that's all for him. What I have explored though, is throwing myself on people's mercy and asking for help with carpooling. I have a couple families who may help drive DS to and from school and that would ease my life very, very much. I feel so bad that I can't offer much in return though...I'm trying to think of how I can help them out but not coming up with much.

Originally Posted by To-Fu

If your kids see you taking care of yourself, it sets a good example for them. But beyond that--and more importantly--you have to take care of yourself, too! Especially to be able to take care of other people 24/7/365 like you are.

thank you- yes, that is very true and I'm trying to balance spending time focusing on them, and then saying, I'm going to go rest/be on the phone/eat/ do my own stuff- my turn now. Mixed results, but it's a start.

same for bedtime- my older DS has always needed someone to lay down with him till he's asleep, now it's needing someone to just sit in the room. Thats why it's 10:30 some nights until DH is free. I am just DONE with that b/c he is almost 8 yrs old and I'm already with him all day. It has been harder to convince DH to try this, but now I just put him to bed and say I'll go check on him every few mins. but now it's our time to be grownups and have alone time. It's going well and he's gone to sleep on his own more often than not. Same for my younger one who will go to sleep on his own, but comes out of his room 50 times wanting something. It's been great having adult time from 8:30-9 on.

On vacation they slept GREAT because we had them out swimming or hiking all day long. and their bedrooms had no toys- just a bed. So they laid there and went right to sleep, it was awesome!! I wish I could replicate that much physical activity at home but it's not possible.

Candycat- I loved your post! Thanks so much for writing this out, it's given me a lot to think about over the past few days. Benevolent negligence, love it.

Originally Posted by candycat

I And I am a firm believer in benevolent negligence. I will play with them in short bursts (maybe 2-3 times a day) but I try to stress really clearly that "grown-ups work, children play" and they seem to get that. They will watch and sometimes try to help out if I'm doing chores. And they already have chores of their own to do, plenty of them - laundry, cleaning up, sweeping, doing dishes -

That doesn't mean we don't do things together. Every day we do some sort of arts and crafts, we either cook or bake together (everything is made from scratch so there's always something for them to do, even if it's just fetching ingredients from the fridge for me), we play some board games, we sing songs, etc. We *do* lots of things. But I have no guilt sending them to do their own thing while I read a book for class. They go to their rooms to play, either together or seperately. Or I'll send them out to our fenced yard (and keep an eye on them through our window). Or send them to do xyz because I'm busy. I have ZERO guilt about that. They're bright, they're reasonably happy, they pretend all day long, and they're just happy being kids. There is NO way I'm going to take responsibility for entertaining them through the day.

[SubliminalDarkness]

Yes! We moved here a year ago and still know VERY few people.

I'm a SAHM to two boys. About a month and a half ago a co-worker/friend of DH's lost her child care, so I now have a 10 month old with me all the time, well, as much as DH works.

DH works a 40 hour week, but that's the extent of his contribution. He has some health issues he's dealing with, but he chooses to put his extra energy into personal efforts, not family ones, and that is definitely frustrating.

The summer was really hard. I have to say I'm glad to have DS1 back in school, because it does make the weekdays easier when DS1 and DS2 aren't at each other's throats.

[mommy212]

Well I only have the one child, but I have been taking care of him mostly alone for the last 4 months, and will be alone for at least 3 more months. My husband has been in boot camp and now technical training, so he does not come home at night and just choose not to do things, he just isn't here. I am very unhappy with the situation, but come the new year we should be all together again