Hi ladies, I could really use some support, kind words, and most of all, guidance on dealing with my 6-year old son. He has always been very emotional, sensitive, and "needy". From the minute he was born he hated if he wasn't being held, especially by me and has been attached to me nearly exclusively up until about a year ago when he started gravitating to daddy a bit more. He had very intense separation anxiety from about 8 months to 3-years, especially if it had to do with parting from me for any length of time. He met all his milestones on time if not early, babbled a lot, and was very affectionate. He loves other kids and is very playful and funny. He's very physically active and is doing terrific in t-ball.
It always took him a lot of time and emotional energy to adapt to any kind of change, but in recent years has become very good with 5-10 minute "warnings" before any kind of change in routine or schedule to the point where now all I have to say is "We're leaving in a minute" or "Time to brush your teeth so we can go" and he's good to go.
He doesn't "lose" very well in games or activities and it took a lot of practice with board games and activities to where he understands that sometimes I win, sometimes daddy wins, sometimes his friend wins, sometimes he wins. However in the past losing at Candyland resulted in crying fits or sitting by himself in a corner while he hid from us for a while.
He gets frustrated with himself VERY easily and gives up quickly when something doesn't go his way. We've been trying to practice his reading and spelling this summer and if he can't figure out a word he just completely gives up and says he doens't want to do it anymore. We're VERY patient with him and never force him to continue to sit and do something he doens't want to do, but we do ask him to try and when he gives himself a minute he usually gets it. His teacher in kindy this year said at the beginning of the year he would break down in tears when he didn't know the answer to something or couldn't complete a task. That's the main issue - the breaking down into tears over EVERYthing - from doing schoolwork, to how his shoe fits, to his friend not sharing the sliding board, not finding a game in his room that he misplaced, to his pants being itchy. That's been going on really from day one, and his inability to cope or find a tool to calm himself down and find another solution. I've tried redirecting, holding him, helping him count to 10 or take deep breaths but I want to find something to help him from breaking down to begin with. I'm just tired of suddenly hearing crying and screaming and finding him having a fit because the legos "don't work". He's going into first grade and is right on par with his skills, ability to learn in a group and cooperate in class but he needs a tool to stop himself when he feels like he's going to "lose it". Kids can be cruel and I don't want him to feel singled out and lose his confidence because he's "the kid that cries in class". He needs to find more confidence and I thought we always did a good job of supporting him and being there for whatever he needed but for some reason we're missing something.
I admit to not always being the most patient with it and not being the best parent I can be purely out of frustration and helplessness. After a particularly bad day yesterday (and I think he was very tired and feeling out of sorts) I ordered "The Highly Sensitive Child" by Elaine Aron". We really need to help find some tools and support to help him (and us!) with this, without making him feel embarassed about being a sensitive child.
Thank you for reading this far if you have.... I appreciate any help or support
It always took him a lot of time and emotional energy to adapt to any kind of change, but in recent years has become very good with 5-10 minute "warnings" before any kind of change in routine or schedule to the point where now all I have to say is "We're leaving in a minute" or "Time to brush your teeth so we can go" and he's good to go.
He doesn't "lose" very well in games or activities and it took a lot of practice with board games and activities to where he understands that sometimes I win, sometimes daddy wins, sometimes his friend wins, sometimes he wins. However in the past losing at Candyland resulted in crying fits or sitting by himself in a corner while he hid from us for a while.
He gets frustrated with himself VERY easily and gives up quickly when something doesn't go his way. We've been trying to practice his reading and spelling this summer and if he can't figure out a word he just completely gives up and says he doens't want to do it anymore. We're VERY patient with him and never force him to continue to sit and do something he doens't want to do, but we do ask him to try and when he gives himself a minute he usually gets it. His teacher in kindy this year said at the beginning of the year he would break down in tears when he didn't know the answer to something or couldn't complete a task. That's the main issue - the breaking down into tears over EVERYthing - from doing schoolwork, to how his shoe fits, to his friend not sharing the sliding board, not finding a game in his room that he misplaced, to his pants being itchy. That's been going on really from day one, and his inability to cope or find a tool to calm himself down and find another solution. I've tried redirecting, holding him, helping him count to 10 or take deep breaths but I want to find something to help him from breaking down to begin with. I'm just tired of suddenly hearing crying and screaming and finding him having a fit because the legos "don't work". He's going into first grade and is right on par with his skills, ability to learn in a group and cooperate in class but he needs a tool to stop himself when he feels like he's going to "lose it". Kids can be cruel and I don't want him to feel singled out and lose his confidence because he's "the kid that cries in class". He needs to find more confidence and I thought we always did a good job of supporting him and being there for whatever he needed but for some reason we're missing something.
I admit to not always being the most patient with it and not being the best parent I can be purely out of frustration and helplessness. After a particularly bad day yesterday (and I think he was very tired and feeling out of sorts) I ordered "The Highly Sensitive Child" by Elaine Aron". We really need to help find some tools and support to help him (and us!) with this, without making him feel embarassed about being a sensitive child.
Thank you for reading this far if you have.... I appreciate any help or support
He absolutely refuses to do any of the work I've seen on processing perfectionism, making mistakes on purpose, boosting self confidence, etc. He just flatly refuses. We got a book, "When good enough isn't good enough", but he won't read it with me. We bought guided meditation CDs, but he won't listen to them. He's convinced that this is the way he's meant to be and that nothing can change him. My glimmer of hope is that it's not *always*, and that after he takes his own tiem to process things, he seems to be able to get over them, it just takes a LONG time, and a LOT of tears and negative self speak. Sometimes, he can handle imperfection. Sometimes, he can even laugh about it....but other times, he so, so hard on himself. Last night he cried for an hour because he mistakenly thought his sister was goofing off but had actually hurt herself, and he laughed at her before he realized she was actually hurt. 
