Who is this child?

[One_Girl]

My dd had her first day yesterday and it went very badly. She had many complaints and didn't seem to know where the drinking fountain was all day. I wrote her teacher to ask her about some of the complaints and to request that she show her where the fountain is (because dd is still getting over pneumonia and needs to stay hydrated). Her teacher wrote back saying dd seems anxious about work, makes innappropriate comments, seemed to be trying to intimidate her by saying she would "spy" on her after getting her name written on the board for chit-chatting, and said her hope and dream (during hopes and dreams time) was that a dragon would burn down the school and kill everyone except the girls. My dd is dramatic but I am shocked by all of this, especially the killing part. What do I do? This isn't my kid.

[kathymuggle]

I am wonderring if she felt a little run down after the pneumonia? Being weak and in a new place might be overwhelming. It might even turn her filters off - when she is healthy she might have dragon fantasies - but when she is sick she says so out loud.

I would not discard her concerns, and I would keep an eye on things (as if you can do anything but!) - however I would not jump to conclusions yet.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

I would not discard her concerns, and I would keep an eye on things (as if you can doing anything but!) - however I would not jump to conclusions yet.

I'd also ask if something happened with the boys.

[ChristaN]

I don't care for the teacher attributing motives to your dd's behavior, personally. Stating that she was trying to intimidate the teacher is the teacher's opinion. It sounds like your dd wasn't behaving well, but I'd also be worried about the teacher not liking your child and how that is going to impact the rest of the year.

[Sustainer]

Originally Posted by ChristaN

Stating that she was trying to intimidate the teacher is the teacher's opinion.

:

The first day of school is very stressful for a child even when things go well. The fact that things didn't go well is probably the reason your dd didn't behave well. As you said, this isn't her normal behavior. I think it's common for kids to joke about wanting the school to burn down and not really meaning it. She'll probably adjust to school, especially when she's feeling better, and her behavior will likely improve. Hopefully the teacher's attitude will also improve. Did the teacher address your concerns or did she just complain about your dd? If she didn't even give an adequate response to your concerns then I would take the matter to the principal. It is vital that your child have access to water. I'm just guessing but dehydration itself might contribute to ill behavior.

[One_Girl]

Her teacher did address my concerns in a round about way and it turns out that my dd had a picnic right under the fountain and didn't tell her that she needed any help finding it again later. I sent her an e-mail telling her that I was worried about the negative assumptions being made on the first day and I outlined how truly crappy yesterday was for my dd (she is recovering from pneumonia, got her hand scraped up and half of her toenail on her big toe ripped off, felt like the boys treated her meanly, and thought her teacher didn't tell her the rules very clearly about talking while coloring). I hope things get better.

[MattBronsil]

And, to top it off, the teacher wrote her name on the board? Really?

[2cutiekitties]

Originally Posted by MattBronsil

And, to top it off, the teacher wrote her name on the board? Really?

What is wrong with that?

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by 2cutiekitties

What is wrong with that?

Singling out and shaming for something as innocent as chit-chatting during colouring on the first day of class when many rules are not yet known or internalised......

[ckberkey]

Originally Posted by One_Girl

I sent her an e-mail telling her that I was worried about the negative assumptions being made on the first day and I outlined how truly crappy yesterday was for my dd (she is recovering from pneumonia, got her hand scraped up and half of her toenail on her big toe ripped off, felt like the boys treated her meanly, and thought her teacher didn't tell her the rules very clearly about talking while coloring). I hope things get better.

Good! Have you gotten a response?

[Lisa1970]

How are things going now? Are they getting any better?

[MattBronsil]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

Singling out and shaming for something as innocent as chit-chatting during colouring on the first day of class when many rules are not yet known or internalised......

Or any day, for that matter.

[velochic]

Playing devil's advocate here...

I don't see anything that the school did wrong. Your dd was even asked if she knew where the water fountain was, and refused help. Then she wished death upon people in the school. Threatening the teacher after she is doing what every teacher needs to do: establish respect for the rules in the classroom.

I can understand that you're not sure where this is coming from, but it has to be coming from somewhere. From your posts, I can't see anything that the teacher did wrong. I don't think there are any negative "assumptions"... they aren't assuming anything because your dd was very aggressive. Assumption means that you're coming to conclusions without evidence... in this case, your dd's comments are the evidence.

Sure, there is something going on here, but I'm not convinced that it's anything the school/teacher has done.

[EFmom]

I agree with velochic. Dh is a teacher and if he can establish rules and procedures about classroom behavior in the first couple of days, it sets the tone for a much more positive year.

I don't see anything wrong with writing a child's name on the board if they are chatting. It's happened to my kids.

We also live in an age of ridiculous zero tolerance policies over every little thing, for every age group, with five year old kids getting kicked out of school for bringing in a plastic butter knife or drawing pictures of weapons. Your daughter needs to be discouraged from talking about the school burning down and people being killed at school.

[MattBronsil]

Originally Posted by EFmom

I agree with velochic. Dh is a teacher and if he can establish rules and procedures about classroom behavior in the first couple of days, it sets the tone for a much more positive year.

I don't see anything wrong with writing a child's name on the board if they are chatting. It's happened to my kids.

Why shouldn"t they chat? Isn't school a place for social learning any more?

The problem is the teacher is engaging in a power struggle rather than getting to the root of the problem. It is also calling the behavior out to the group rather than working individually with the problem. It is also seems to be working more on external control than internal discipline.

Matt

[velochic]

Originally Posted by MattBronsil

Why shouldn"t they chat? Isn't school a place for social learning any more?

The problem is the teacher is engaging in a power struggle rather than getting to the root of the problem. It is also calling the behavior out to the group rather than working individually with the problem. It is also seems to be working more on external control than internal discipline.

Matt

They shouldn't chat because A). If the teacher is talking, it's rude and B). There are other kids that want to learn and if they can't hear, it's rude.

Yes, school is social learning... and it's learning to be social. Even if the teacher was not talking, if you're going to be engaged in a school room with many other children... and if everyone gets their own way... and they are ALL dealt with on an individual basis... there would be NO teaching. A teacher doesn't have time to deal with every child and their inability to participate in class according to the rules.

[newbymom05]

Originally Posted by velochic

They shouldn't chat because A). If the teacher is talking, it's rude and B). There are other kids that want to learn and if they can't hear, it's rude.

Yes, school is social learning... and it's learning to be social. Even if the teacher was not talking, if you're going to be engaged in a school room with many other children... and if everyone gets their own way... and they are ALL dealt with on an individual basis... there would be NO teaching. A teacher doesn't have time to deal with every child and their inability to participate in class according to the rules.

Absolutely. I'm here surfing for kindergarten stories because my 5 y/o is already telling me he hates school. Why? Because he can sit still and focus and is ready to learn, but he has to sit through endless rules rehearsals and teachers "yelling" (his word) over the kids who are unable/unwilling to listen rather than talk. His kindergarten has lunch and a morning and afternoon recess--plenty of free socialization time IMO. I agree that while the OP's daughter's experience is unfortunate (and hugs, OP, that must have been so upsetting for you as her parent!), I think the teacher is just doing her job.

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by velochic

They shouldn't chat because A). If the teacher is talking, it's rude and B). There are other kids that want to learn and if they can't hear, it's rude.

.

They were colouring.

[cyncyn]

We saw similar stuff at dd's local school. She told me that no talking was permitted between children except at recess and lunch. A public system of rewards and punishment was used to control behavior: card for "caught being good" and a clothespin for being bad (breaking the no talking stay in your seat rule for example). At the end of every week, everyone who had the proper amount of cards was allowed to choose a small plastic toy. By the end of the first few weeks, it was pretty clear that the same kids were getting the clips. This is the reality in many schools. Zero tolerance for many things that kids naturally will do, including forget where things are, or push boundaries or talk to their friends. I understand how hard it must be to educate students and many of these policies are district-wide, not up to the individual teacher. I do not like coerced compliance, but playing by the rules in school does smooth the way. We ended up changing schools and I'm grateful we had that option. Sorry OP for your daughter's bad day - hope the year gets better!

[lach]

Originally Posted by MattBronsil

Why shouldn"t they chat? Isn't school a place for social learning any more?

The problem is the teacher is engaging in a power struggle rather than getting to the root of the problem. It is also calling the behavior out to the group rather than working individually with the problem. It is also seems to be working more on external control than internal discipline.

Matt

I'm not sure that students were ever allowed to randomly talk to their friends in class whenever they felt like it. We weren't when I was a child. Part of "social learning" is learning about power, and in a classroom the teacher has the power. No talking during a period when the children are supposed to be quiet is a basic rule, and the teacher has every right to enforce it. The teacher has 20 students +/- 5 and, no, she can't "get to the root" of every problem and find out why each individual child feels that the rules don't apply to her in every case.

I definitely feel for OP's child, because she's obviously lashing out against something. I think that OP should work with her child to figure out what's going on and help to fix it so that her child can go back to school and be prepared to accept the rules. I'm sure that the teacher has seen plenty of kids with bad first days who blossom into great students (and there are probably plenty of kids who appear angelic on the first day who quickly turn out to have some discipline issues!), so I would imagine that her mind isn't already made up about the DD.

But I don't think that the teacher did anything wrong at all.