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A TCAC suggestion

post #1 of 27
8/26/10 at 12:48pm
Thread Starter 
I know it's kind of become a place where mamas of intact sons can ask questions about problems or whatever...

However, I feel like having all of the problems that can come up with keeping your son intact can be detrimental to the cause. I'll be honest, it was TCAC that made me want to circ my first son...It was like, each time I opened the forum the first 5 threads were dedicated to problems and issues with doctors. It scared me.

I don't know if you can create a sub-forum or slowly move the posts to H&H...I really don't know. I just wanted you guys to be aware of how *I* was affected.

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post #2 of 27
8/26/10 at 3:17pm
Much like any other forums like that people who are not having issues don't usually post. If people are not having discipline issues they are not posting to GD and then it seems overrun with people having problems.

It is just the nature of how people post, not that there are likely to be problems with an intact penis. My own son is intact and I have never posted about a problem because we haven't had any.

The purpose of TCAC is to help parents, it wouldn't be serving its full purpose if it did not welcome such questions. The people who know the most about the intact penis are in TCAC and that is where people are likely not to just get an answer, but to get the best answer.
post #3 of 27
8/26/10 at 3:34pm
Thread Starter 
Is there no way to separate info to further the cause and info on problems?

I'm just saying that, for someone that's never even considered not circ'ing, I found it scary and influential to the OTHER side...

Maybe it was just me...
post #4 of 27
8/26/10 at 3:54pm
It has the same affect on me.

I don't even have a son, and I wind up with a stomach ache thinking about hovering over a tiny penis, ready to slap away a pediatrician's evil retracting claw...
post #5 of 27
8/26/10 at 5:36pm
But 99% of the time what is posted aren't real problems, they are just confusion as a result of living in a circ culture, lack of experience with intactness and the result of being exposed to intact ignorant care givers. I think it's important that those topics stay in that forum, because it's frequented by the most intact experienced posters here, people already know that is where to go to ask questions and also because it exposes those that are trying to learn about intactness to what to watch out for and common misconceptions.
post #6 of 27
8/26/10 at 10:14pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeminijad View Post
It has the same affect on me.

I don't even have a son, and I wind up with a stomach ache thinking about hovering over a tiny penis, ready to slap away a pediatrician's evil retracting claw...
But wouldn't it be worse if people didn't know they need to do that? Isn't it reassuring to see thread after thread of what parents think are problems, and see that they all end up to be nothing at all, or easily resolved? Won't people get a worse stomach ache if they needlessly cut their babies?
post #7 of 27
8/27/10 at 11:43am
Then, of course, there is this thread
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=112410

Going on over 6 years and full of stories of complications of circ (not including, of course, the loss of a healthy and functioning part of an infant's penis)
post #8 of 27
8/27/10 at 1:03pm
Thread Starter 
I just wanted to be the brave one and put it out there that sometimes the sheer amount of "problem" threads can be really intimidating...and sometimes it makes it seem like intact care is harder than circ care...
post #9 of 27
8/27/10 at 1:26pm
I see what you are saying, Kas. I do think there may be people who are on the fence, and when they are sent to the CAC, maybe feel a bit taken back if they happen to see 6 posts on the first page of potential issues with intact boys. A sub-forum might help - b/c then the main section could be about decision making, advice, activism, positive stories, and then if someone had a concern (or possible problem), they could click on the 'help' area for specifics.

Plenty of parents do assume that intact care is more complicated than circ'd care - which we know just isn't the reality. But if you haven't been exposed or experienced with an intact male, all you are going off is assumptions (or horror stories you may have heard - often from not so great sources).
post #10 of 27
8/27/10 at 1:29pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife View Post
I see what you are saying, Kas. I do think there may be people who are on the fence, and when they are sent to the CAC, maybe feel a bit taken back if they happen to see 6 posts on the first page of potential issues with intact boys. A sub-forum might help - b/c then the main section could be about decision making, advice, activism, positive stories, and then if someone had a concern (or possible problem), they could click on the 'help' area for specifics.

Plenty of parents do assume that intact care is more complicated than circ'd care - which we know just isn't the reality. But if you haven't been exposed or experienced with an intact male, all you are going off is assumptions (or horror stories you may have heard - often from not so great sources).
Exactly! Thank you
post #11 of 27
8/27/10 at 1:29pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by AFWife View Post
I just wanted to be the brave one and put it out there that sometimes the sheer amount of "problem" threads can be really intimidating...and sometimes it makes it seem like intact care is harder than circ care...
I do see your point I just think it is the nature of forums and posting habits of individuals. I am sure people look at GD and think "these children are wild!" but people without discipline problems are not usually posting to GD. One doesn't tend to ask when things are going well.

I will certainly consider your concerns, we are not adding forums at the moment but once we do it will be something to look at.
post #12 of 27
8/27/10 at 1:31pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by abimommy View Post
I do see your point I just think it is the nature of forums and posting habits of individuals. I am sure people look at GD and think "these children are wild!" but people without discipline problems are not usually posting to GD. One doesn't tend to ask when things are going well.
But, IMO, whether or not to use some of the GD techniques can be decided as you go and discover your child's personality (some kids time out works, some kids a discussion is better, etc...) but with something like circ you can't have people making snap decisions based on scary threads.
post #13 of 27
8/27/10 at 1:54pm
I remember once visiting a bottlefeeding board, reading about all the problems people were having with finding a formula their LOs could tolerate, and feeling smug that I breastfed. Until I clicked back over to the breastfeeding board I frequented at the time and realized that it, too, was full of posts about problems. Most of the top posts on the board were about cracked nipples, oversupply, perceived undersupply, thrush, mastitis, etc.

When things go well, people don't post much. The teen board has dozens of "Help me with this problem." threads and one or two "My teen is wonderful" threads.

Perhaps the best response would be to create a sticky explaining the nature of message board posts, along with stickying the "circ problems" post and maybe even an "I'm so glad I didn't circ" type of post.
post #14 of 27
8/27/10 at 1:58pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post

Perhaps the best response would be to create a sticky explaining the nature of message board posts, along with stickying the "circ problems" post and maybe even an "I'm so glad I didn't circ" type of post.
Maybe even a "common problems with easy solutions" sticky of some kind...it would put it all in one place for those that need it AND keep the problem threads to a minimum. Just my 2 cents
post #15 of 27
8/27/10 at 2:10pm
I think most people who use the Internet realize that you are most likely to read negative stories. I mean, you google a medication you've been prescribed, and you can find pages and pages of complaints, side effects, adverse reactions, etc. Chances are, you are googling it in the first place b/c you are hesitant, or have experienced a problem yourself. People don't get online to sing praises about their relationships, treatment, fabulous new job, etc. as often as they do to complain. So, yeah - I do think even a message board newbie is aware of the negative vibe often found online for specific situations. However, because circumcision is such a big deal (to us, at least), and the point of the forum is the case against it - focusing on the positive outcomes, stories, inspirational decision making, and so on, would be ideal.

Anyone with an issue should absolutely feel safe to come and post a question - that is a huge part of the board, too - but I am guessing a lot of lurkers or those new to the idea of leaving a newborn intact, may not even read through the problem threads in entirety to find out the outcome. This could just be one place they look while researching. Since it is a huge, often difficult decision for new parents to make - that impacts their son for the rest of his life - I agree that the forum might serve it's main purpose better if the "problem" threads weren't right out there on the main page. It just might be something to consider, and it's great that abimommy said they will do just that.

I think it's like, if the vaccination forum was filled with parents posting about all the VPD's their kids came down with (obviously it's not), it could potentially scare a new parent into not even considering looking into the issue any further.
post #16 of 27
8/27/10 at 4:28pm
I'll be honest, if someone comes in that forum and just reads the titles and doesn't even take the few moments to open the threads and find out that the so called "problems" are misconceptions then I have to question their sincerity in looking at the circ issue.
post #17 of 27
8/27/10 at 4:50pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arduinna View Post
I'll be honest, if someone comes in that forum and just reads the titles and doesn't even take the few moments to open the threads and find out that the so called "problems" are misconceptions then I have to question their sincerity in looking at the circ issue.
But even if you read the first post and then a couple of posts (especially if the posts say, "Oh yeah, we had that happen too") it can be upsetting.

And, TBH, that whole line of thinking kind of offended me.
post #18 of 27
8/27/10 at 5:26pm
AFWife, it would make sense to me, too, to have sub-forums like Breastfeeding--like "Un-Circ Challenges" and "Activism" or something. But I bet TCAC doesn't get enough traffic to justify it...

And then it would be like Breastfeeding, where the problems end up in both the general and "Challenges" areas.

But IKWYM, for sure.
post #19 of 27
8/27/10 at 5:36pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by justKate View Post
AFWife, it would make sense to me, too, to have sub-forums like Breastfeeding--like "Un-Circ Challenges" and "Activism" or something. But I bet TCAC doesn't get enough traffic to justify it...

And then it would be like Breastfeeding, where the problems end up in both the general and "Challenges" areas.

But IKWYM, for sure.
Well, with the BFing I know they recently changed it so that Challenges is for the MAJOR stuff and the rest (cracks, low supply, hind/foremilk) go in the regular area.
post #20 of 27
8/27/10 at 6:16pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arduinna View Post
I'll be honest, if someone comes in that forum and just reads the titles and doesn't even take the few moments to open the threads and find out that the so called "problems" are misconceptions then I have to question their sincerity in looking at the circ issue.
I kind of agree with this, although I can see how it might come across as offensive to you AFWife (even though I'm sure it wasn't intended that way). I know I first stumbled upon TCAC one night while I was literally sobbing, holding my newborn, thinking I *had* to circ otherwise we would have all these problems but having a gut instinct that it was so wrong.

Having come across it in this deeply emotional state for the first time, it's pretty hard for me to understand how anyone could really do the research, especially in a calm and unemotional state, and read through the stickies at all the information (with a truly open, searching heart) and then say "oh this forum made me want to circ b/c I saw people asking about 'problems' with the intact penis." Then again, maybe I got lucky...I had doulas supporting me and telling me I didn't have to, and maybe there just weren't as many "problem" posts when I first began lurking.

Maybe most people don't start with the stickies? But I did, and I know I came across that "I regret circ'ing" thread right off and I was done. Where do circ boy issues go? I think someone once said they go in H&H?

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