How to teach "no"?

[Big D]

Clueless here.
My 1.5 year old is getting into more and more mischief.
If it's really a big deal (like trying to plug something into a light socket) I'll sternly say "no" and move him to another location and try to re-direct his attention. (If it's not a big deal, I usually let him learn by natural consequence, like letting him pull the broom over and startle him.) However, sometimes he is just determined to do something and he will repeatedly go back to doing the action no matter how many times I try to re-direct.
I've baby proofed everything I can think of (the light socket was just an extreme example that popped into my head), but there are still things I need him to learn "no" about. Like if I'm carrying him somewhere for some reason and he repeatedly wants to pull my glasses off my face.
I could totally use some ideas for teaching "no".

[rightkindofme]

Repetition. That's all there is. Sorry.

[crunchy_mommy]

I don't use 'no' very much... Well except jokingly which DS finds hilarious for some reason!

I remember reading something about dog training & if you yell at your dog 'no!' or 'stop' while they are sitting there scratching their ear, watching the cat, and listening to some far off dog barking, the poor dog has no idea which of those behaviors the 'no' is about. I think that applies to toddlers too -- they have just so much going on at once, I don't think 'no' works well for everyday things. We do stern no's for emergencies & usually DS will stop everything in his tracks.

Anyway, so instead of 'no' we try distracting or substituting more appropriate behaviors. So if he's pulling at my glasses, I say 'gentle, please' (which means to stroke my cheek) or ask him to point out a bird or something. If he's trying to put a plug into the outlet, I help make sure his fingers aren't in the way of the metal prongs & help him do it safely. If he's hitting or somehow hurting me/someone, I remind him of 'gentle' or tell him something like, "Biting hurts mommy, now I have a boo-boo" (he's really interested in boo-boos lately) & he'll stop biting & kiss wherever he bit me. I can't really think of other examples at the moment, I'm kind of stressed out right now. Also we take objects away if he's using them very inappropriately/dangerously. Of course sometimes I fall into no/don't do that mode (especially if I'm stressed!) but I try to be very conscious of it.

[K1329]

I think the big issue here is impulse control. Until a certain point, they literally CANNOT stop themselves from going for something they find interesting. If the plug looks like fun, they can't stop themselves from reaching for it.

Now when they're supposed to develop impulse control, I really don't know...

Very frustrating time, though. I can remember removing ds from our dining room table multiple times a day for awhile...

[clutterwarrior]

Before my first child was born, I read somewhere about phrasing things in a positive way and reinforcing a positive image of themselves, so from the very beginning with my kids, if they did something I didn't want them to do, I would say for example, "You are my good girl/boy, and good girls/boys don't do that."

So if they did something I didn't want, instead of saying "No, naughty!", which gives them the feeling they are naughty, you are rather telling them they ARE good, and that what they are doing doesn't fit with how they are. If that makes sense! It certainly worked for me.

[EzzysMom]

I think along the lines of what others have said, right now it's an impulse control issue and will take time. But alternatively you should be explaining more about what the exact problem is. It's often not clear, which is now painfully obvious if my toddler goes 'no!' now, I respond 'no what?' because it really isn't clear what she is objecting to. And if as an adult I find it annoying, I can only imagine the toddler does too.

[lolar2]

At that age it helps if you distract them with something else to do instead-- like they are about to dump a bowl of cereal on the dog's head, "Put the bowl of cereal on the table, now."

[globe-trotter]

I use "danger" when you get things like light sockets, running in to the street, etc... the new term and the sound in my voice has worked, so far *knocks on wood *
I try to use No as little as possible...thats hard for me though LOL

[docta]

i have the same dilemmna. My 16 month old seems to think that if i say "no" it means, "hey lets try that thing again & see what mommy does!" although really she does know what "no" means and says it herself.

I like using distraction, the word "danger", and also explaining to her why i am saying no, because she might get hurt or she might hurt someone. For climbing on tables and stuff I don't say anything & I just move her away so as not to give her encouraging attention. And I heap on the praise when she actually listens to me...and then quickly redirect so she doesn't try to get me to repeat a response to her behavior.

Sometimes just changing the vocabulary seems to work wonders with her for less critical things, so instead of saying no, don't touch, I will say "please leave mommys phone on the table". or "we pet the dog gently rather" than "No, don't pull his ears" she still gets it. and Sometimes now she will walk up to the dog and instead of pulling his ears, she will point at it and say "no" herself.

[larzanna]

I also try not to use "no" i opt for things like "leave it" and "drop it" or "not for babies" and "gentle please"
Like a pp poster said, i think about it like i would dog training. No, really does not have a meaning to them.

[teachma]

My 16-month old responds very well to a change in my facial expression and tone of voice. To indicate that I want him to stop something, if I put on a serious face and use a much lower, quieter voice rather than my usual cheerful, high and happy speaking, it almost doesn't matter what I'm saying- it stops him from whatever he's doing.

[PatchChild]

We are another family that doesn't use NO very much. You could see DS asking "why" in his head every time you said no, even before he was verbal. It never made much sense to say no when what he needed was an explanation. Take throwing for example. I could say no throwing until the cows come home and I don't think it would make a difference. At our house, we respond with the rule, you can throw stuffed animals or pillows. Now, if he's about to throw something hard, we just ask him, "is it a pillow?". That's enough to get him to stop.

[hrsmom]

They do learn it with age, for sure, and 1.5 is really young for "no"! Lately, with my 29-month-old, I tell her what I would like. She wanted to drink milk in bed, and I didn't want her to, so I just told her "I want a milk-free bed!" (It was the only way I could think to phrase it positively in the moment) and she just set her cup down on the counter and that was that! On a walk when I'm done with dawdling, I tell her I want to go home. She agrees, and there is less dawdling!

I so remember that age, though, and the continuing of things I just did not want her to do! Moving to another room helps sometimes.

[NEastMomma]

Just came from my pediatrician's office where I asked about this. I gave the example of DS (who turned 1 on Aug 10) climbing on the stove (!). B/c of kitchen/house setup I am unable to block off the area.

He suggested I stop DS and look into his eyes and say, "That's dangerous," instead of just "no." THen redirect him. Ped said to do so in a calm manner, and do NOT use a scolding voice. He said I'll just have to do it a million times, but that DS should get the message that he cannot do something b/c it is dangerous, not just for no reason, or b/c he's "bad" (thus, no scolding voices).

[MamaPhD]

When DD was younger (around 1yr ?), it sometimes worked better to stop annoying behaviors if I give NO response (rather than say "no" or"stop" or whatever). For a very young child, I feel they don't know what "no" means, so it's literally like a toy where you push a button and it squeaks (pull mommy's glasses = mommy makes fun noise(="no")...oooh what FUN! No wonder they repeat it!!! Kids sometimes work in weird ways in terms of interpreting attention, whether it be positive or negative attention they get from others. Ignoring the issue worked well for when DD was throwing food off high chair & other things. I just show ZERO reactions to an undesired action. I show LOTS of positive reactions to desire actions.

Now DD is 21 mo, she understands when I say "stop" or "mommy doesn't like it when you ..." because she knows (and can say) she doesn't like something.

I say "no" mostly in the sense like "DD, do you want cheese? yes or no?" so she knows it's about a choice & now she says both very clearly. Or "DD, is the bunny outside the window? yes it's there or no it's not. With something dangerous, I say "We don't stand on the sofa and/or we sit down on the sofa" and entirely skip saying no there. The word "no" has not much meaning (or too many different meanings, depending on how you think about it), so it is not a really good toddler word I feel.

Lastly as far as saying your child is "good" vs. "bad" and linking that to a specific behavior, I have to say I just don't agree with that philosophy. However annoying some behaviors may be, it can totally be interpreted differently, especially from a toddler perspective (might be different for school aged or older kids, sure). Pulling mommy's glasses might seem dangerous & annoying to mom, but maybe it was just shiny & pretty to the toddler who wanted to take a closer look, yk? You definitely can't say the kid is "bad" for acting on their curiousity or sense of beauty!

ETA: It sometimes pays to take a few moments to really let your child explore something and get it over with. I did that with my glasses. I let DD hold/look/touch(yikes I know) for a good while. And then she was like, ok, I saw what that is, let's read a book. yk?

[amberskyfire]

I also use no only when I really mean business. Otherwise, I calmly and carefully explain what I mean. "Hitting hurts kitty. Kitty, are you okay? Please don't hit kitty. Pet kitty nicely."

"No" in our house is used for dangerous situations or violent behavior. There is a sudden "NO" which is then followed by directions. For example: "NO! Don't touch that, it is hot! It can hurt you!" "NO! Please don't climb that. You could fall down and get hurt."

Basically, "NO" is used suddenly and firmly and only in situations in which I absolutely mean business and will not budge. For everything else, I simply describe.

Also, I decided to teach my daughter sign language from a young age and "no" in sign language has really been beneficial to us more than anything else. When we are in a situation where she is too far from me to hear me, such as at the playground, if I see her trying to do something dangerous, she will look at me first and I can sign "no" to her from across the playground and she will understand that it is dangerous and go do something else. Also, signing "no" is something I've been able to do to communicate with her while in a social setting. For example, at our LLL meetings, if I'm talking to the group, I can keep an eye on her and if I see her heading for the office's computer, I can sign "no" to her without interrupting my conversation to run over there and get her. Not all children are that obedient, however.