My ears are bleeding...

[spmamma]

Okay, well not really. But I swear my 3 YO is trying to destroy my sense of hearing. She let's loose with an ear-piercing shriek that is so loud and high pitched that it actually does hurt my ears. And I'm at a loss for how to stop it.

She does it when she's happy or excited or sometimes even when she's tantruming. I know it's a bit of a holdover from her pre-verbal days (she was a late talker) when she used screams to communicate. And, she's very intense, energetic, sensitive and persistent. In other words, a true "spirited" child.

We've tried ignoring it, telling her it hurts us (the truth), asking her to use her words, changing venues, distracting with songs or animal sounds... You name it. So far nothing has worked.

I'm really struggling here as it triggers a physical response in me and I struggle to maintain my cool. Any suggestions would be appreciated!

Oh, and if your child did this at the age of 3 when did he/she grow out of it?

[littlebabydoll]

Im struggling with this with my 20 month old. The best I can do is make him meow when he starts screaming at the cats. It seems to work for that situation. Otherwise I'm in the same hopeless boat. It pushes my buttons so hard!

[spmamma]

It's tough, isn't it? DD's been doing it forever and I'm praying that it will stop someday soon. In some ways it's only gotten worse in the last six months.



I'm really hoping someone can chime in with some good advice for those of us with older toddlers.

[D_McG]

When DS would do that I'd immediately put him in his room until he could be quieter.

[sewaneecook]

She may feel the need to scream. If that's the case, let her do it in the bathroom or a bedroom with the door closed. She can get the screaming out of her system and your ears won't bleed quite as much! My DS is 4 and while he doesn't have the shrill screams, he will often feel the need to yell. He now knows that yelling goes in the bathroom or outside. He'll often come out of the bathroom a much calmer child.

[spmamma]

Originally Posted by sewaneecook

She may feel the need to scream. If that's the case, let her do it in the bathroom or a bedroom with the door closed. She can get the screaming out of her system and your ears won't bleed quite as much! My DS is 4 and while he doesn't have the shrill screams, he will often feel the need to yell. He now knows that yelling goes in the bathroom or outside. He'll often come out of the bathroom a much calmer child.

I'm going to give this a try. I like that this isn't a punishment... simply sending her to her room until she calms down doesn't work. It only escalates things and makes her upset, which generally turns into hysteria. But I like the idea of designating a place where she can do her screeching by herself (that's the key for me).

I'll have to teach her to tell me when she needs to do it, too... so I can beat a path to the door!

[ChristyMarie]

I agree with removing her from the room. "If you need to do that, you may go X, but you may not do that near me." This is also my rule for annoying toys. LOL.

The only problem is the car. I swear, I'm going to start pulling over every time DS yells in the car.

[spmamma]

Originally Posted by ChristyMarie

I agree with removing her from the room. "If you need to do that, you may go X, but you may not do that near me." This is also my rule for annoying toys. LOL.

The only problem is the car. I swear, I'm going to start pulling over every time DS yells in the car.

Oh my goodness. Yeah, the car is quite possibly the worst place for it. I know I've had those moments too!

[spmamma]

Had a rough night tonight... There's simply no escaping the shrieks during bath time and by the time I got her out of of the tub I was seeing red.

I guess it will be a while before we see any good results from telling her she can scream in her room. So far we've had pretty mixed results. She has such a hard time listening sometimes. I know it goes ith the territory at this age, but I'm at my wit's end.

I certainly welcome any other suggestions.

[2cutiekitties]

What about inside/outside voice?

We watched a Blues Clues eppy about it, and it works for me to just say inside voice when DS 3 1/2 gets too loud. Sometimes I start whispering and he will strain to hear me. And then we have fun times, say when we are jumping on the bed (bad I know ) and I will shout 'outside voice' and he screams and stuff and then say 'inside voice' and he whispers. Nice release. I really turn it into a play thing.

[RunningMomTegan]

Originally Posted by 2cutiekitties

What about inside/outside voice?

We watched a Blues Clues eppy about it, and it works for me to just say inside voice when DS 3 1/2 gets too loud. Sometimes I start whispering and he will strain to hear me. And then we have fun times, say when we are jumping on the bed (bad I know ) and I will shout 'outside voice' and he screams and stuff and then say 'inside voice' and he whispers. Nice release. I really turn it into a play thing.

Not terribly helpful, since it's still not quite working, but things like this work on impulse control, which is at the heart of both her screaming (LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!) and her STOPPING, which is at the heart of this post.

We do this A LOT with my 27 month old. Switching between loud and soft. And he still screams. But the seeds planted BEFORE you're seeing red can help.

Playful parenting would suggest that you nip it in the bud, at the first shriek:

"I can scream louder! AHHH!"

She screams.

"I can whisper quieter"

See what happens???

[spmamma]

Originally Posted by RunningMomTegan

Playful parenting would suggest that you nip it in the bud, at the first shriek:

"I can scream louder! AHHH!"

She screams.

"I can whisper quieter"

See what happens???

Hmmmm... I may have to try this too. I'm a little wary of screaming with her... won't that just encourage her? And I really want to avoid teaching DS that screaming is fun.

[itsnikki]

Originally Posted by ChristyMarie

I agree with removing her from the room. "If you need to do that, you may go X, but you may not do that near me." This is also my rule for annoying toys. LOL.

The only problem is the car. I swear, I'm going to start pulling over every time DS yells in the car.

I need to do this. Goodness. My daughter... she doesn't "squeal" so much as she YELLS EVERYTHING. Oh, my poor head.

[MamieCole]

What about letting her scream into a pillow? "If you need to scream, you should scream into the pillow so it doesn't hurt/disturb/frighten others."

You could use couch pillows, bed pillows or even get her a small child size pillow of her very own that she can bring along with her (i.e. into the car.) Or a large stuffed animal would work as well.

[spmamma]

Originally Posted by MamieCole

What about letting her scream into a pillow? "If you need to scream, you should scream into the pillow so it doesn't hurt/disturb/frighten others."

You could use couch pillows, bed pillows or even get her a small child size pillow of her very own that she can bring along with her (i.e. into the car.) Or a large stuffed animal would work as well.

This is something I've tried with limited success. She knows she can scream into a pillow, but generally either forgets to do so or simply enjoys the sound of her own screech and chooses to do it out loud anyway.