My first homebirth was wonderful. Pregnant the next time around, I continued care with the same midwife. I found my prenatal experience to be totally different. The midwife was going through a lot in her personal life, and our prenatal appointments were filled with her talking about her personal issues. We hardly discussed my pregnancy. I started feeling angry that I was paying her and not getting a service. Instead, I was the one giving a service....I spent our hour long appointments feeling like her therapist.
I was unsure how to handle the situation. I felt like I had a connection with her from my previous birth, plus we had also kept in touch afterwards and went to lunch a couple times, so I considered us casual friends. I would try to turn the convo at prenatals back to my prenatal care, but she'd go right back to her issues. I didn't want to hurt her feelings by leaving her practice so I hung in there. Eventually, I transferred to OB care due to some complications I was having, and I actually felt a sense of relief at having a good excuse for leaving her care. I realize now I was more concerned about hurting her feelings then I was about not getting the professional service I paid for. I put her over me. I think I've learned from that experience.
So--'nuff about me! I don't know how far back your experience was, but this is valuable feedback to give if you have any inclination. Homebirth care does tend to be more intimate/personal, and lends itself more readily to such boundary issues. I see it as a new territory we are all still learning. And honestly, the busier a mw is, the less likely she has time for personal support and fun--the more likely she will be to use her clients for those purposes...her need is there, it spills over...not so good for families, as you so clearly say.