Rwanda closed to adoption to implement Hague

[sbrinton]

I'm feeling like a door has been slammed in our face.

After years of learning and praying about adopting, narrowing down to Africa last year and then Rwanda in March, we began the process to adopt a girl from Rwanda in June. Today we found out Rwanda is closing to international adoption while they implement the Hague.

Good in the long term, but really hard for our family now, as it means we will have to start over. Our homestudy can be modified, but we don't know what to do.

Another country in Africa? Possibly Uganda?
Domestic?

It feels really crazy to have to start over.

[marsupial-mom]

I'm sorry for you.

Perhaps you'd like to adopt from US fostercare? There are tons of great kids who need homes. And you don't have to foster-to-adopt, you can just adopt.

You can learn more at http://www.adoptuskids.org/

[Tigeresse]

So sorry!

[RedOakMomma]

I'm so sorry. I know you've been planning this path for a while. I hope, whatever turn you end up taking, ends up being one you're really happy for someday.

[ariahsmum]

Hi Sara,

I thought of you immediately when I found out yesterday (or was it the day before?). Anyway, I am so devastated for you, all the other families and particularly the children who are so in need of homes and family.

I can imagine that you are angry, confused, heavy hearted. Hopeless? Those were just some of the feelings I had when we had doors shut. I clearly remember the day I got our denial letter from the MIGEPROF (after having traveled to Rwanda and spent 3 weeks thinking we were moving things forward). I was in the post office and I opened the letter. I was stunned. Mortified in a way. I dropped to my knees and in that moment made a choice (I have no idea where the Grace came from, lol). I said "thank you Lord. Thank you for showing me where my child is and where he isn't." A closed door is an open window. Don;t mean to make it trite... I know it hurts, but just sharing where we have been. The path to your child is unfolding.

If I can be of any support at all during this particular time, please let me know. I was in the midst of helping another couple get paper ready, they were so close and now they are just broken hearted.

With love and support,

[ariahsmum]

Oh, and had you decided to begin lactation?

I had to start and stop- it was so difficult!

[WifeMomChiro]

I'm so sorry.

[sbrinton]

No, we had not started to induce lactation. I did end up weaning our youngest bio son, who is almost two. My supply was almost gone. I tried to bring it back with pumping and herbs without much luck, so I decided to wait and try again closer to whenever we do adopt.

I do think there is an open window here, if that makes sense. We're looking into adopting from Uganda, or possibly another country in Africa.

We're also looking into domestic adoption. The social worker we've used for our Rwanda homestudy thinks our family would be a good fit for domestic adoption of a child with some medical needs (we have experience with prematurity and heart surgery and know the way around our local medical system well).

In our state, there are too many families already waiting for children under 2 in the foster to adopt program, so most agencies will not accept new applications for this.

We've had a lot of shut doors this year. Just feels crazy. I tried to start a business and after it going well for a few months, I've had one thing after another more or less shut the door (lawsuit, website crashing, laptop breaking). We were planning to send our kids to a private school we loved but it moved almost an hour away from our house. So now I'm quiting the business and homeschooling my kids. The one thing we were pretty sure of was the adoption, and now that has changed! I've lost my wedding ring and our new minivan, the one we bought so we could adopt, has a huge scrape down the side from someone who didn't bother to wait after they hit my car outside the local organic co-op. It just seems like everything we try right now falls apart.

But I'm kind of okay. Marriage is good. Our kids are amazing. Our friends are supportive. I just don't understand why everything is so freaking hard.

Or why adoption is so hard. I mean, there are what, 15 million children around the world who have lost both parents? Why, why, why are there so many obstacles to adoption?

[tiffani]

I'm so sorry, it is so hard when your path is blocked. I know that feeling well, and I hated it when people said this to me, but it really is true, that when you find your children, you will be so glad for the twists and turns along the way.
I did get your pm, and will reply as soon as I am able (very limited internet lately, especially in the next few days) but for now, I am happy to announce that Uganda is flowing beautifully right now. I think there will be a huge increase in families wanting to adopt from there -- you can use an agency or go independent, and a little birdie told me that Adoption Advocates International (AAI) is starting a pilot Uganda program, and I think they are initially focusing on special needs kids, and keeping the cost low. check that out, and if you want information about adopting independently, and you are on facebook, join the Ugandan Adoption group there, it is a wealth of information. I am one of the moderators (the original mod left the group when she started helping AAI with their Ugandan program, because we really want to stick to the 'no agency personnel allowed on the group' rule) and it might take a few days to be approved, but it's a great group.

hang in there, you have a lot of options, and you will find your babies soon.

[annethcz]

Just wanted to give you a hug. The only thing sure about international adoption is change. Things are constantly changing, to the point where all of my knowledge from when we adopted DS 5 years ago is horribly outdated, I'd have to start all over if we wanted to adopt again. I understand your disappointment, we also had to switch programs/countries after we started the process. But it did all work out in the end.

FWIW, since tiffani mentioned AAI- we used AAI when we adopted DS from Ethiopia, and we were really happy with the agency.

[tiffani]

prediction: the AAI Uganda program is going to be wonderful. contact them soon to get info.

OR, you can try to adopt independently, join the facebook group if you want contact info for lawyer/s who might still be taking indy clients. I think agencies will take over, simply because there aren't enough lawyers and judges in Uganda to handle what will become a huge influx in the coming months. I know of a few lawyers who I think will still do indy clients, but then there is finding an orphanage to get a referral from, and many of the orphanages only want to work with certain lawyers or agencies. There are so many orphaned and abandoned kids though, it will just be a matter of persistence finding your path if you want to go indy.

OR, you can check out AAI, I don't know what their costs will be, but it's a pilot program and I know firsthand that there are several healthy young babies/toddlers/kids already involved with the program, in addition to the many special needs kiddos. I think there is already a waitlist developing, so contact them right away!!

[sbrinton]

The agency that has done our homestudy, Agape Adoptions, is starting a pilot program in Uganda. We may go with them, or we are also talking with Lifeline Adoptions, which has actually completed maybe 10 or so adoptions from Uganda.

We're thinking about what special needs may work for our family, in particular whether we could handle a child with HIV.

A lot to think through...

I'm joining the yahoo group now!

[tiffani]

Don't forget that you can adopt independently from Uganda!! The lawyers there are wonderful (ask me or the FB group about anyone you're considering) and they help you so much -- they make the process as easy as going with an agency, and FAR cheaper.

Lifeline gets mixed reviews, mostly positive these days, no ethical red flags that I know of.

I would NOT go with a pilot program from a newer agency, for a million reasons. If you do decide to go with that program, DO communicate with either me or the facebook group to see if everything is looking good. AAI's pilot program is different, because they are a well-established agency that has a VERY high ethics standard, and they are being assisted by someone who knows their stuff. Uganda is a country where there is a lot of room for problems, PLEASE be very careful!!! There are LOTS of orphans there, don't go with whoever promises you a quick process, go with someone you truly trust, who knows what they're doing. A certain agency is being sued because they were operating a Ugandan program based entirely on the help they were receiving from one man, who turned out to be corrupt. corruption is a reality there, but there are so many good people working in adoption there, it's easy enough to find an ethical path.

best wishes!!!