Dread Nights

[cparkly]

nm

Edited by cparkly - 11/22/10 at 6:56am

[FreshJen]

Just sending you love and compassion...

[Devaskyla]

Maybe night weaning would be a good idea? At the very least, it sounds like he needs some serious, consistant boundaries about access to nursing & some consistant limits on his freakouts about you & your dh snuggling.

Ds1 was very difficult to get to sleep for a long time. He still has his moments; he's admitted he doesn't like sleeping. I found that if I could just get him to stop moving for a few minutes when he was tired, he would crash out. I found just holding him (usually against his wishes, but I'm of the belief that sleep is a non-negotiable for a tired little one) for about 5 minutes, then nursing him would get him to sleep quite well.

Don't know if that will help you any or not.

[D_McG]

Can you put him to bed at 6:30? When my son stopped napping (age 2) bedtime was 6 for a while. He'd then sleep until 7ish the next morning. At that point he was weaned.

A lot of what you're talking about sounds behavioral to me. My kids never got to think of my breasts as 'theirs'. If they objected to DH snuggling with me then they'd get a quick warning about manners and if that wasn't heeded they'd be immediately escorted to their room. No matter how big the tantrum. It's just unacceptable behavior. In our house the bed is mine and DH's and the kids are there at our will (and our will is most every night until they are 2 and a lot of nights after that!). But it's OUR bed. Dictating where people sleep/who sleeps next to who etc = not an option. Hitting/kicking is another one that means either the child leaves or if I was alone with him then I left to calm down.

I agree with nightweaning. It sounds like nursing is causing disruption at night.

[Anna GS]

I am also a big believer in the family bed and I also have a son who resists sleep very frequently.

I tried nightweaning but DS is so persistent that I gave up. I have incorporated some techniques from the No Cry Sleep Solution to shorten nursing sessions because at age 2 he is very aggressive and restless during most nursing (it hurts). For about a month I ended up sleeping alone in another room while DH and DS kept sleeping in the family bed. It was kind of amazing, because without me next to him he was then sleeping through the night most nights, or only having a single wakeup in the night, during which I went in and nursed him.

I still think cosleeping was the best choice for us up until recently. His behaviors changed and I was getting too worn down and needed a break.

As soon as we could afford it we got a twin bed to put in our room so he sleeps on that now. I came out of self-banishment. I still nurse him in the night, but most nights it is infrequent, and I get to have my space in bed which is much better for my sanity and my muscles.

For my son, I have also realized that he needs to get outside to play...run, climb, etc. in order to better wind down at night. It's hard because we have unbearable summers and some days we just can't be outside, but I started making a special effort to take him to the playground at 9am (still 80 degrees, but that's better than 105) at least twice a week. It helps a lot.

Good luck with finding a solution. I know what you mean about being in tears over the bedtime battle. I have been there many, many times.