Dealing with hearing impairment and lonliness at 30

[KatieCountrycm]

I've had profound hearing loss since it was diagnosed when I was 2 and wear the highest powered hearing-aids thtt's out there. I've always had difficulty maintaing friendships, most of them seems to not get past the acquaintance stage.

I also have a scar from heart surgery that is noticable on my chest when I wear shirts that's a little low-fitting. I'm not self-conscious about that but I don't know if people judge and think I might not be very healthy.

My lonliness has gotten so bad I've resorted going to the bar just to "hang" out with other people. I don't want to hear any "get some counseling" crap because that's not going to make people call me, invite me over for get-togethers, bonfires, parties, that sort of thing.

I do other things like camping and going to a concert but I go alone.

I don't believe in organized religion so I don't go to Church. I'm also not into volunteering as I already have a full-time job and its hard for me to fit in.

[mom2happy]

Is there a moms group in your area?
It took me years as an adult to make friends.
Life is just so busy that I don't have time after the kids to really have a social life.
I think it's just like that for people of the young kid stage ages.
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[luv-my-boys]

Do you have a hobby or interest like reading,sports or such. I ask because I have found that somtimes its easier to get to know people when you have something to talk about at first that isnt necessarily centered on themselves. For instance if you enjoy reading a bookclub at a local store might be nice, you'll be out and about meet some local people and have some thing to talk about which usually (at least at my mtgs) ends up evolving into our everyday lives.

[A&A]

see if there is a UU (Unitarian Universalist) church is your area. It's not as "churchy" as you'd think.

[E.V. Lowi]

Originally Posted by A&A

see if there is a UU (Unitarian Universalist) church is your area. It's not as "churchy" as you'd think.

Also, how about a support group for the hearing impaired? Sing language classes might be a way to meet new people with an interest in communicating.

[praisehimau]

I can really really relate. I too have a profound hearing loss and wear 2 high powered hearing aids. I am blind as well and as you can immagine, it can pose a real challenge. Making friends? What's that? I'm 32. I'm at the point now where I just don't really make a huge efort. No, I rephase that. I won't put myself in situations where I know I won't be won able to chat with people due to the noise etc. I know that won't work so why stress myself out doing it? Of course, that means mother's groups etc are" out. I don't have any answers. I'd thought about it and I know what I ne"ed... I just can't find it. I need a group of 2 to 3 people to hang out with on a regular basis in a quiet place. How to find that, I have no ide"a. Most people think I'm just stupid because they don't realize I didn't hear them.
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[lolar2]

What about an internet meetup? Or some kind of small, quiet activist group?

[lilmom]

I don't know if I really have any great words of wisdom, but I just couldn't read your post without responding.

I wanted to tell you that I have had a really hard time making friends in my 30's. REALLY hard. And I am a person who has been blessed with relatively good health and no disabilities. I also was extremely social in my teens and 20's and never had the same troubles making friends then.

I am not sure what it is, but it just seems like people would rather have their teeth pulled than make new friends at this point in life. I really don't get it. I would love to make some new friends. So anyway, it may really not have anything to do with your hearing impairment or the scar. Personally I would not avoid being a friend to someone because of either of those things.

[momasana]

I have moderate/severe hearing loss and also wear hearing aids. I know how scary it can be to put yourself in social situations where you know you might not be able to participate in conversation, or may come across as dumb or "spacey" because your responses and timing are off. It's tough! I have found it best to only meet with small groups of people, or one or two people who understand my situation. I know that it is also hard to find the right situation because while there are social groups for people with hearing impairment, it doesn't necessarily mean you'll have anything in common with anyone there. You can't just sit around and say "Oh, you can't hear either? Hunh. How about that." I'm not saying that support groups aren't helpful, but it is important to find connections with people that aren't based soley on a shared "disability".

So maybe I don't really have any good advice, but just know that I understand where you are coming from and know that it is hard. It's hard to put yourself out there, but keep trying. There are lots of people out there who would love to be your friend, the trick is just finding out who and where they are.

I agree with the pp who mentioned the UU church. Is there one in your area?

[KatieCountrycm]

yea...I don't want to look desperate meeting people either....As far as Church goes, that's out of the question....Been to different ones in the area and didn't feel like I ever fit in.

[momasana]

Originally Posted by Carebear2010

I do other things like camping and going to a concert but I go alone.

Do you ever ask anyone to go with you? Saying something like "hey, I got an extra ticket to the XYZ show, you should totally come"

[VroomieMama]

Do you know or can you sign? How about making friends with Deaf/HOH (Hard of Hearing) people? I can understand your frustration of making friends with people who are not Deaf or Hard of Hearing. Perhaps you could start learning ASL (American Sign Language) by taking up classes and go to Deaf events hosted by your local or State Deaf community.

I don't know where you live but I used to go to these place a lot when I was student at Gally (Gallaudet University) in Washington DC (2004-2008) Solly's U Street Tavern or Baltimore Deaf Happy Hour when I lived in Baltimore. And there is a Deaf Professional Happy Hour in Metro area of DC/MD and NOVA (Northern Virginia) that Deaf/HOH meet up to interact on one Friday of every months.

Or you can find out your State's Deaf Professional Happy Hour via the facebook.

Or you also can try googling for local Deaf Churches in the area you live.

Good Luck.

[greenluv]

Originally Posted by VroomieMama

Do you know or can you sign? How about making friends with Deaf/HOH (Hard of Hearing) people? I can understand your frustration of making friends with people who are not Deaf or Hard of Hearing. Perhaps you could start learning ASL (American Sign Language) by taking up classes and go to Deaf events hosted by your local or State Deaf community.

I don't know where you live but I used to go to these place a lot when I was student at Gally (Gallaudet University) in Washington DC (2004-2008) Solly's U Street Tavern or Baltimore Deaf Happy Hour when I lived in Baltimore. And there is a Deaf Professional Happy Hour in Metro area of DC/MD and NOVA (Northern Virginia) that Deaf/HOH meet up to interact on one Friday of every months.

Or you can find out your State's Deaf Professional Happy Hour via the facebook.

Or you also can try googling for local Deaf Churches in the area you live.

Good Luck.

Thanks for this post!

As mama to a new baby who was born deaf it makes me breathe a little easier to know that organizations like this exist. I wish there was one where I could get insight from adults on what it's like to grow up in a hearing family. I know there are all kinds of issues/opinions out there and so far it's been difficult to navigate as a parent.

[KatieCountrycm]

i think once people start approaching their 30's, they're startin' to settlin' in and already have a set of close friends to hang out with which also includes family.

[VroomieMama]

Originally Posted by Carebear2010

i think once people start approaching their 30's, they're startin' to settlin' in and already have a set of close friends to hang out with which also includes family.

Yeah.. that's me and my status right now. Although I do enjoy making friends but I'm very selective with types of people I interact with.

[LROM]

Originally Posted by Carebear2010

i think once people start approaching their 30's, they're startin' to settlin' in and already have a set of close friends to hang out with which also includes family.

I don't think that's true to the point that it means people in their 30's aren't still having new experiences, developing new interests, and therefore meeting new people all the time.

I'm in my mid-40s, and I can definitely say that people's individual lives seem to just go through their own cycles. Yes, there are some things that are fairly common at certain ages, but I think you are really selling yourself and your opportunities to meet new people short if you think that most people going into their 30s have already kinda "settled in" to their social circles and that is it for ever meeting them or making new friends.

Many PPs have asked you whether you have any hobbies that lend themselves to either local in-person cllubs or (my suggestion) online clubs initially. If you have hobbies or interests (or you are open to trying on some new things if you don't already feel strongly about something now), look at both local message boards on the topic and national ones and on the national ones, how bout saying you're looking for local things to do in ____________ (wherever you live) and is anyone else from there?

Sometimes meeting online to talk about a common interest/hobby is less threatening and easier. Taking it to in person meet ups can be awkward at times, but at least you've already broken the ice before meeting.

And as others ahve said, small groups of people sharing a common interest are also more helpful than big groups where being heard/hearing is a challenge.

Have you already tried some of these ideas, and if so, what happened? And if there are ideas you haven't tried, are you willing to try them?

[VroomieMama]

I agree with previous poster.

Where are you from? Maybe I can help by google around or ask my friends that may happen to live where you are for more info on local deaf events or clubs that you can participate.

I know being deaf or hard of hearing is hard b/c sometimes I do struggle with obstacles or having to deal with people who has no or little knowledge about our culture.