Having child pay for own video game system? - Page 2

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom

I believe (in theory, anyway) that when a child buys something, then the child has more, maybe absolute, say over that item. So if my son bought a DS, I would feel that it was *his* to take where he wanted, play when he wanted, etc.

This wouldn't work for our family. If my son bought his own ds, he'd play it constantly if it were left up to him. Even at 9, my second DS would not the the discression where and when is always the right time to play. He'd want to have it every time he was in the car which wouldn't be okay with us.

While our older children have their own savings accounts that they can add money to from working with their dad, we are huge believer's in "family money". If something's not a good purchase, it doesn't matter who pays for it.

That doesn't mean we all don't choose to buy frivilous things, like a candy bar or a video game rental here and there.

[4evermom]

Unless you are going to go out and buy a new game every week, game systems are pretty self limiting. My ds bought a used original "phat" DS for maybe $60US over the winter. The original DS and the DS lite can play Gameboy games (but the newer ones can't). He buys used games at GameStop for $10-20. Used games can easily be returned or exchanged within a week so that's awesome when you pick out a game that you end up not liking.

If you decide to let him save up for a DS, be prepared to buy it sooner than you think because you just don't know if some relative or friend is going to give him a chunk of money. So tell him if you really aren't going to let him get one until he's 6.

[One_Girl]

I told my dd she could have one if she saved up enough to pay for one. I am not willing to buy gaming systems because I see no point to them and there are many cheaper things that dd also likes that I see a point to. I am fine with dd buying one for herself if she ever saves up enough money to do so. She got a Barbie computer last year for Christmas and I haven't heard anything about a DS since then.

[CarrieMF]

They are not allowed 'in' on it because I'm concerned they would lose some of their ability to make their own fun and entertain themselves - I've seen my nieces start playing video games and in a few months things like wooden blocks and train sets are suddenly 'baby toys'.

If the parents allow them to play the games constantly then yeah this is a risk, but it isn't a guarantee that it'll happen just because they played a game. My kids go through stages of playing their games & not playing them.

Unless you are going to go out and buy a new game every week, game systems are pretty self limiting.

I disagree. They can play the games over & over even after they've finished them.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by CarrieMF

If the parents allow them to play the games constantly then yeah this is a risk, but it isn't a guarantee that it'll happen just because they played a game. My kids go through stages of playing their games & not playing them.

This has been our experience as well. We don't have handheld electronics, but we have a Wii. We play it a good bit in the winter, but it hasn't been on at all since probably April and not because we limit it. While I do think there are children (and adults) who would play constantly if permitted, I also think many, many children will learn to be well-rounded about their activities. Legos still win out over Wii the vast majority of the time in our household.

[Alyantavid]

Originally Posted by nainai0585

To me a DS is very different from a game boy in the fact that a DS is SO easily broken, the stylis (I don't know if that's what its called) is lost constantly, the games are anywhere from $30-$60 each, and the screen is so easily destroyed. I know this from talking to parents and watching children play with them. Whereas a game boy is very heavily protected (not by water though ) and I can easily pick up the games from any second hand store.

The main reason though was attempting to teach ds about saving his money for something he really wants. And the hope that he would actually care about it as he had to pay for it, not myself or dh. Once again reinforcing responsibility for his things.

I don't know that a brand new DS is more easily broken than an old Gameboy. The stylus things can be lost, but they're pretty cheap to replace. My son's had his ds a few years now and has never lost one although we do have extras in case. I think the extras came with the carrying case we got him.

The games can be pretty cheap and there's lots of educational ones out there.

I think video games in general all come down to what you're comfortable with. We have no problems with games, but we do limit them to certain times and ds self-limits really well and always has. I think that kind of responsibility is hard for a 4 year old to grasp. If you don't want him to have one, don't get him one and don't let him buy one. It doesn't sound like you want it at all and that's completely your choice as parent. I just think 4 is awfully young to ask to save that kind of money while at the same time you don't trust him to be responsible.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein

This wouldn't work for our family. If my son bought his own ds, he'd play it constantly if it were left up to him. Even at 9, my second DS would not the the discression where and when is always the right time to play. He'd want to have it every time he was in the car which wouldn't be okay with us.

While our older children have their own savings accounts that they can add money to from working with their dad, we are huge believer's in "family money". If something's not a good purchase, it doesn't matter who pays for it.

That doesn't mean we all don't choose to buy frivilous things, like a candy bar or a video game rental here and there.

Well, yeah, that's why we buy those kinds of things. Seriously, my ILs did what I think you are saying - they "approved" the kids' purchases even when it was the kids' money. Not only did it make my husband bitter (don't know about his siblings), they also ended up with 4 out of 5 kids who aren't good with money. They didn't get to make the choices when they had the safety net of Mom & Dad to provide the necessities.

We have family rules, and purchases must be within that framework. WRT gaming systems, we don't allow televisions in bedrooms. The living room is a common area, so you can't buy something for the common area of the house unless everyone agrees, which is why our kids wouldn't purchase a console system. If they want a handheld & have the money, I would let them buy it. If I opposed individual gaming systems, then that would be a rule that they know. I feel the OP is trying to get out of just laying down that she's opposed. (Of course, I also think Dad's opinion matters, but that's another issue entirely.)

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein

If you think he's too young to have one then the discussion should stop there. If you don't want him to have it, he shouldn't no matter who pays for it.

Yep. And make sure that grandparents know where you stand. If you play games with this, you just open a can of worms.

(I don't have an opinion the right age for a DS, just if you think your child is too young, you need to be very clear with them about that.)

Originally Posted by nainai0585

The main reason though was attempting to teach ds about saving his money for something he really wants. And the hope that he would actually care about it as he had to pay for it, not myself or dh. Once again reinforcing responsibility for his things.

It's too big of a thing for him to save for and it will take too long.

He's 4. Start small. Give him a loonie or toonie a week and let him save up for a small lego kit at the end of the month.

If he's going to learn anything, it needs to make sense to him and be in a time frame he can grasp.

[ollyoxenfree]

Originally Posted by Amatullah0

Another vote for being honest!

Personally, I don't like them because they promote children to cut off from the world and get lost in a manufactured world(not from their own fantasy, which I would have no problem with) I don't like any video games, but even a game on a bigger screen(like the family tv) would at least promote some discussion, even if it may be "oh, go over there"

I really dislike how kids(or adults) get so far lost in these personal gaming systems that they don't look where they are going, or can't follow a conversation, but this goes for cell phones, ipods, etc. too.

LOL! This is OT, but I guess books would also be a problem then! When my kids are reading (and they take their books everywhere), they are completely absorbed and cut off from the world.

I don't have an opinion on the gaming issue, because I think parents and children need to reach an agreement that suits their individual families. I don't see a lot of difference between a kid absorbed in a gaming system and one absorbed in a book or a Leapster or many other things.

Leaving aside the issue of honesty between partners and children (discussed by other posters and which I agree is an important matter), I don't have a problem with asking a child to pay for it though. My kids paid for their own hand-held gaming systems, although at an older age. It was about 6 or 8 y.o - can't recall now! They were quite proud at the accomplishment of saving and buying for themselves. So if it's a matter of you don't want to spend your money on a system, but your child can make his own spending decisions with his own money, then I think that's appropriate.

[GuildJenn]

Originally Posted by ollyoxenfree

LOL! This is OT, but I guess books would also be a problem then! When my kids are reading (and they take their books everywhere), they are completely absorbed and cut off from the world.

I don't have an opinion on the gaming issue, because I think parents and children need to reach an agreement that suits their individual families. I don't see a lot of difference between a kid absorbed in a gaming system and one absorbed in a book or a Leapster or many other things.

OT - I'm not wholely opposed to video games and we have an iPod touch my son uses from time to time, especially in restaurants (with the sound off).

But I do think videogames are different because a good portion of them (not all!) are primarily reactive. That's actually what I don't like about older kid videogames that are kind of fight-based; I personally believe they raise adrenaline levels and put kids into a kind of reactive loop: Input, react, input, react. Whereas the brain pathways for reading are quite different. That's one of our reasons for limiting them at this time.

That said, there ARE lots of games that combine the two or rely more on strategy.

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by CarrieMF

I disagree. They can play the games over & over even after they've finished them.

Well, they CAN. It's not like the game will explode at the end.

But most kids play for shorter times and less frequently once they have played their fill of a new game. If they have 100 games, they can probably keep busy rotating through them all. And toddlers and preschoolers do have a fascination with repetition... But my 9 yo hardly plays his ds, which was new in February, these days. He has maybe 12 games. It's very self limiting although the initial period of a new game may exceed another parent's comfort zone.

[ollyoxenfree]

Originally Posted by GuildJenn

OT - I'm not wholely opposed to video games and we have an iPod touch my son uses from time to time, especially in restaurants (with the sound off).

But I do think videogames are different because a good portion of them (not all!) are primarily reactive. That's actually what I don't like about older kid videogames that are kind of fight-based; I personally believe they raise adrenaline levels and put kids into a kind of reactive loop: Input, react, input, react. Whereas the brain pathways for reading are quite different. That's one of our reasons for limiting them at this time.

That said, there ARE lots of games that combine the two or rely more on strategy.

For me, this is the key issue. Not whether to own or use one at all, but rather what kind of limits to place on them - what kind of games to play, where they get used, when, how long etc.

The problem with an outright ban is that it really doesn't teach a child good management skills.

But that's just me. Some children may be incapable of managing gaming systems appropriately. Some parents may be unable to guide their children or they may want to defer the issue for awhile - or forever. Whatever suits the individual family, as I said earlier.

[Marsupialmom]

You have to parents here. Your are not liking the idea and your dh wants to go for it.

I think saving for a used DS is a good idea.

There is also no reason you cannot limit his use once he gets one. Be upfront about having time limits. No behavior is good in excess. Also there is no reason you cannot limit the type of games. I actually think it would be good for him because it give you time to interact and teach him your values.

I also think we need to understand why boys like video games so much, instead of belittling them for the usage.

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/m.../ai_n31944705/
Why boys like video games?

1. Since of power or control they may feel they have.
2. The challenge of the game - memory, puzzle figuring, quest, accomplishment rewarded.
3. Cope with emotions - stress release
4. Socialize and healthy competition with peers....hey have you got to level, I did this, is important to them.
5. It some cases if falls in the forbidden fruit. Parents don't want it, child craves it more.
6. The action in the game is not only violence.

I have a male and female child that love video games. They play together and work together as a team to solve problems. It is funny to watch this 15 and 10 year old work as a team. I have a female child that does not like them. This child had little ability to think strategically. She struggles with chest, pattern recognition, and some times of problem solving. Things video games can help teach. I have seen my 10 year old tell her you cannot forget about ABC because of this. We work with each child on their weaknesses and strengths. The child that doesn't like video games needs more work on strategy and planning -- she loves the social interaction of board games and cards.

I worry about all my kids. I think they all need to learn to take risk and do strategic planning like so games teach. I will work with what they like, limit, occasionally ban (temporarily) or change a games name.

[Lisa1970]

Maybe he would like a Leapster for now and then DS later? Leapster was so great. Then my children got DS's and they will not touch the Leapster anymore.

I am great with having kids pay for their own things.

[kittykat2481]

Originally Posted by Lisa1970

Maybe he would like a Leapster for now and then DS later? Leapster was so great. Then my children got DS's and they will not touch the Leapster anymore.

I am great with having kids pay for their own things.

I was actually just going to suggest a Leapster Explorer. It's brand new. My 2.5 year old has one (a gift) and loves it, but it is really made for 4-8 year olds. When DS is older he will benefit from it even more. You can even download "apps" for it (movies, games, flash cards, etc) that are only about $7 or so each. (You buy the download codes, 2 to a pack for about $15 American.)

Maybe you could buy him the Leapster Explorer and a starter game, and if he wants to buy more games with his money, that's fine. Although I will add that at the point that we start encouraging DS to save up and spend his own money on stuff, I also plan to implement a way for him to continue to earn more money through chores, allowance, or something.

http://www.leapfrog.com/explorer/