How much freedom for an 8yo in a quiet suburban neighborhood?

[Ruthla]

I have a friend with an 8yo DS (who's also friends with my DS.)

She lets her son explore the neighborhood by himself, both walking and on his bike. He has his house key and cell phone with him at all times. He's a responsible kid and is almost always home by the time he's told to be home. (A few exceptions resulted in reduced freedom for a few days, followed by a return to responsible behavior.)

This sounds completely appropriate and safe to me. However, some of their neighbors apparently dissagree, and yesterday the boy got a ride home in a cop car because somebody was worried about him walking by himself and called the police. This was in the middle of the afternoon, during the time that he had permission to play outside.

What's your take on all this? Is the mom being too lax about the child's safety, or are the neighbors being interfering busybodies?

[annettemarie]

Well, I wouldn't call the neighbors name, but calling the police does seem over the top. Was there something else they saw that concerned them? What did the parents say to the police? Did the police say anything to the parents?

[happysmileylady]

The fact that he has a cell phone makes it perfectly ok with me. I let my oldest wander around our quiet suburban (and also regularly patrolled by a private security company paid for my our HOA at the time) neighborhood at that age, with a walkie talkie. I also made sure she had a watch and she had set times she had to quickly check in before she went out.

The reality is that life today is at least as safe if not safer than it was when we were kids, despite what you see on tv. The danger of a kid getting snatched while wandering around is way less than it is if he is being driven home in a car (even a cop car, as the story all over the news in my neck of the woods right now indicates.) I would be highly upset to find out that ANYONE called the cops if they spotted my kid just walking around the neighborhood alone...AND, I would probably be pretty irked at the cops for wasting their time to bother to come out.

NOW, if we are talking a neighborhood where shootings are common, or the kid was out at like 2am or some other circumstances like that, yeah, I can see the cop picking the kid up or someone calling. Or if the kid was getting into trouble-peeping in windows, tresspassing on other's property, teasing dogs etc.

How else are kids supposed to learn to deal with the world if they are never allowed to explore it by themselves.

[meemee]

Ruthla you will come across a variety of responses depending on the parenting philosophy here.

I would totally let my dd do the same here. Alas its coz of those exact neighbours i dont.

calling the cops? when you are neighbours? someone you see everyday? waaaay over the top.

so i choose busybodies. the kid has a cell phone. he is responsible.

[greeny]

Busybodies. Totally.

[velochic]

I think the cops/cop car ride were over the top. I would never let my dd roam at 8yo and while she is very responsible (more so even than some adults), she's not as socially savvy or physically able as an adult. However, if I saw another kid around her age wandering around, I would MMOB.

[LynnS6]

At 8, our ds could go anywhere on our block, and down to his friend's house a few blocks away. He had no desire to roam further. Our 6 year old has the same limits this year, and I know that some of our neighbors think I'm nuts.

One of ds' acquaintances from school roamed considerably further. He too had a house key and a cell phone. The only thing I found odd was that his parents didn't ever come to meet us. I need to meet the parents before I'll let my kids play inside someone's house. (He's quit coming here, mostly I think because he didn't get along with the kids in the neighborhood, but he could have moved.)

8 is on the low end of where I'd feel comfortable doing that, but it sounds like he can handle it, and the parents have dealt with the 'infractions' in a reasonable manner.

[cschick]

That's pretty normal freedom for all the 8-year-olds in our suburban neighborhood. In fact, I'd say most of the 6-year-olds have about 3/4s that freedom.

[DariusMom]

sounds like my 7.5 year old, minus the cell phone! (we live in Europe, though, and I don't know of any kid who has a cell phone til 12 or so . .. )

Sounds like the neighbors need to mind their own business and quit buying into a mythology of fear.

[CarrieMF]

It's something I"d let my kid do. Now it is possible that the neighbor who called didn't know he was allowed to do this(especially if it wasn't his own personal block), or that the neighbor was new & called.

I don't think the cop ride back was over the top(on the cop's part) as they had to make sure the story was right.

I do wonder what the cop said though, what was his/her take on it?

[mamazee]

My 8-year-old has that much freedom and doesn't have a cell phone. I don't see why it's an issue. I can't imagine why the police would get involved.

[cschick]

Originally Posted by CarrieMF

It's something I"d let my kid do. Now it is possible that the neighbor who called didn't know he was allowed to do this(especially if it wasn't his own personal block), or that the neighbor was new & called.

I don't think the cop ride back was over the top(on the cop's part) as they had to make sure the story was right.

I do wonder what the cop said though, what was his/her take on it?

I guess what baffles me is the mindset that would lead someone to call the cops because there was a kid out wandering around and playing. I'd call the cops for an toddler who was wandering about or child who was looking lost or in distress. But we have kids as young as 5-6 who are playing out and about without supervision, and why in the world would I call the cops on them? Why would anybody, unless the kid himself was doing something damaging or illegal.

[CatsCradle]

This sounds completely appropriate and safe to me. However, some of their neighbors apparently dissagree, and yesterday the boy got a ride home in a cop car because somebody was worried about him walking by himself and called the police. This was in the middle of the afternoon, during the time that he had permission to play outside.

What's your take on all this? Is the mom being too lax about the child's safety, or are the neighbors being interfering busybodies?

I'd first have to know what the relationship was between your friend and her neighbors. Does she know all the neighbors in her area? I live an apartment building with 60 units and there are still people in my building that I haven't seen since we moved in seven years ago. Was the neighbor old? Young? Have something in for your friend? Did the neighbor know the child? I would need more info on neighbor side of the story before making an assessment. If the neighbor did know the child, then I find it odd that they would call the cops before they would call the parent. Perhaps they felt as if they were teaching the parent a lesson. If they didn't know the child, perhaps their concern was not so over top.

[lotusdebi]

My 8 year old has high-functioning autism. He doesn't have a cell phone, and I don't lock the door while I'm home or a few steps away. He usually wears a watch. He's allowed to wander around the neighborhood. He has to be with a friend if he's going to the end of the street (bullying problems down there), and he has to be with a friend and ask permission if he's going to the creek or the woods behind the houses. He also has to ask permission before going into a friend's house. He doesn't cross major streets yet (people go twice the speed limit here, but we're working on becoming comfortable with crossing the bigger roads, which are still just two lanes). In a couple more years, he'll be able to walk to the library by himself, and the playground (which is further away) with a friend. I don't check up on him often, and ask him to check in every couple of hours. He's doing just fine with this amount of freedom. I'm actually more conservative in my approach than many of my neighbors.

I think calling the police was overkill, and I'd be irate if my child was carted around in a police cruiser for no good reason. We homeschool, and my older son has been outside playing in the middle of school days by himself, and no one has ever had an issue with it.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by cschick

and why in the world would I call the cops on them? Why would anybody, unless the kid himself was doing something damaging or illegal.

because in this world of pedophiles and kidnappings anything can happen to a unsupervised kid.

what i am curious is what did the cops say to the mom. did they even see the mom or did they just drop the child off?

there are a handful of kids in dd's school who were taking the public transport alone during 4th grade. in fact one of them were a set of 3 siblings, a second grader, 3rd and 5th grader. i guess no one complained because they still do it.

[MJB]

Busybodies.

[mammal_mama]

Wow, those neighbors sound just wacko to me! This really has me thinking, as my oldest has been feeling the urge to explore more on her own and we've been brainstorming together as a family to figure out ways to make this happen.

Now, she is 10, not 8, and our neighborhood is urban, not suburban, so some of the factors are different. So far, she has been riding her bike around the block and up to a few blocks away.

One of her favorite things now is to ride about three blocks from our house to Sonic, and sit at one of the outdoor tables and order herself some mozzarella sticks. Also, as soon as we replace her chain (she just lost the key) and get her a bike-basket, she wants to ride about 4 blocks to a nearby store and sometimes buy a few groceries to bring home.

When we go to a neighborhood playround which is about 6 blocks away, she likes to start out ahead of me and her little sis and ride her bike over. She gets there pretty quick, wheras it's about a 15-minute walk for me and little sis (also she likes to take off while we're still getting ready and going potty and stuff), so that she's there on her own for a bit before we arrive.

Once when she saw that there were only adults there and no kids, she felt uncomfortable and headed back and met us as we were walking and we all went together. She's very observant of her surroundings, and occasionally mentions that she changed course while out riding because she saw some guy who looked "creepy."

Since she has talked about even being able to get more than a few groceries (more than she could carry on a bike), we're also planning to practice riding the bus some more, so that maybe in the near future she could ride on the bus to the store on her own with dh's push cart. Of course we would never require her to do the family grocery shopping, this is just something she is wanting to experience on her own.

Another thing she wants to do is sometimes ride about three blocks to play at a friend's. I'm thinking we'd have her call when she gets there just to make sure she arrived okay, since she'd be gone for a couple of hours then and not the short times that she is currently gone. Also if she does the shopping, or maybe bicycles or takes the bus to the library, I'd want her to carry a cell phone so she could check in with us.

I sure hope no one would call the cops on us for being good parents and helping our child to do the things she passionately wants to do. Isn't that what parenting is all about?

[Callimom]

I say the call to the cops was over the top (assuming it was just a wandering kid and no other issues).

I let my kids have a fair amount of freedom, but it is always those kinds of people who give me pause. We homeschool so my kids are sometimes roaming during school hours although I try to limit that just because I can just see exactly that kind of scenario.

[cschick]

Originally Posted by meemee

because in this world of pedophiles and kidnappings anything can happen to a unsupervised kid.

what i am curious is what did the cops say to the mom. did they even see the mom or did they just drop the child off?

there are a handful of kids in dd's school who were taking the public transport alone during 4th grade. in fact one of them were a set of 3 siblings, a second grader, 3rd and 5th grader. i guess no one complained because they still do it.

He's 8. I'd consider anyone who called the cops on an unsupervised 8 year old who was out playing, or kids who were taking public transit to school pretty paranoid. I grew up in Chicago, and my parents still live there (I live in the suburbs now). Kids walk to school starting in 1st grade if they're going to a neighborhood school, lots of kids take public transit to-and-from independently pretty early in grade school.

[Sam*]

I live in a city so I guess its different. I would not let my girls. In fact I just let them start this year (7) playing in our fenced back yard. There are just so many things that could happen and Im not talking kidnappings. There are cars, they could fall and get stuck some place, they could do dammage to someones property, they could get lost, they could be attacked by a stray dog. The list goes on and on. I just dont think my kids are ready for that kind of responsibility and they dont have very good impulse control. That being said there are other children who roam around here and to be honest it scares me for them, but I would not call the cops.