How much freedom for an 8yo in a quiet suburban neighborhood? - Page 3

[confustication]

My 8 year old is allowed to walk several blocks as long as she tells us her planned route. When she was with her best friend we were less strict about needing to know the exact route as they were together- we were ok with 'we are going to the park.' Now we ask which street she is walking/biking on to get there as her best friend has moved away and she is alone more often.

[homemademom]

I would never call the cops in that sort of situation (assuming we know the whole situation and the kid wasn't doing something dangerous).

However, I don't feel comfortable sending *my* kids to wander the neighborhood. We live in a quiet suburban area, but there have been robberies in my neighborhood and drug busts on the quiet streets outside of my development s few times. I let my oldest (almost 10 yrs) walk 2 blocks to his friend's house, but he has to call me when he gets there so I know he's arrived.

Our neighborhood doesn't have many kids in it. If they had a group to hang out with, it wouldn't bother me as much.

[Oubliette8]

I think we need more info. All we know is that someone called, for an unknown reason, and that the cops brought the kid home.

I once called the cops about an unattended teenager. It was cold outside, and he was pacing back and forth in front of my neighbors house, occasionally going up to the house and ringing the bell or peeking in the window. I was worried he was either A. supposed to be there but locked out in the cold, or B. Up to no good I'd never seen him before and he wasn't dressed very warmly. The cops came out and just talked to him. They later called and said he was apparently just waiting for his friend to come home. I'm glad I called. I wouldn't have wanted him to be locked out in the cold if he had nowhere else to go, and I wouldn't have wanted to be the neighbor later reporting that there was a stranger outside my now burglarized neighbors house for quite some time but I did nothing. I'm glad it wasn't either of those scenarios, but I'm glad I got it checked out. Of course, the teen is probably still talking about the busybody neighbor who called the cops on him for no reason...

[EarthRootsStarSoul]

All the kids (and there's a bunch) in my neighborhood play outside unattended from about age 4. I'm often the only parent actually outside with the kids (to watch my 3yo) but my 6yo often goes out without me. We live in a quiet neighborhood in a small town. My older son knows not to go in houses, cars, garages, or sheds.

This summer my teenage neighbor's boyfriend was playing football with all the neighborhood kids including mine, and I was out with them too. It was fun!

A few weeks later my teenage neighbor told me that her now ex boyfriend had kidnapped and sexually assaulted a 13 year old girl the very day after he had been playing football with my kids! I confirmed that it is the truth.

[phathui5]

Yeesh! They called the police? If they were worried about him, couldn't they have talked to his mother?

My 9yo ds is allowed up and down our street. I don't let him go around our neighborhood because I'm not comfortable with the highway-like road that our dead-end street lets out onto.

We also do things like let him go to some of the stores in the mall without me when we go, stay in the children's section of the library while I walk around, ride his bike at the park where we can't see him and wander around the YMCA by himself.

[Ruthla]

The police officer spoke to the mom after driving the boy home, and he told her that he'd been called (the police officer didn't just see the child wandering around during a routine sweep of the neighborhood.) He didn't tell her who called- we assume it was a neighbor because it was a person in the neighborhood who called, but it also could have been a visitor or somebody driving around lost who made the call.

The officer spoke to the mom for a few minutes, said something like "but he's only 8! Don't you know that's dangerous!" when she told him he had permission to walk home by himself, but then the officer left without calling CPS.

I completely understand how some kids aren't mature enough to wander the neighborhood freely at 8; I can think of a few specific examples: a kid who's now 9 and can't leave his parents sight because, as a toddler he was a "runner" and still hasn't earned that kind of responsibility, and another with possible ADHD/definite impulse control issues who wasn't trusted outside on his own before age 10. It seems that boys, in general, are slightly less responsible than girls of the same age. But this particular 8yo is responsible when it comes to personal safety.

[honeybee]

Originally Posted by Oubliette8

I think we need more info. All we know is that someone called, for an unknown reason, and that the cops brought the kid home.

I once called the cops about an unattended teenager. It was cold outside, and he was pacing back and forth in front of my neighbors house, occasionally going up to the house and ringing the bell or peeking in the window. I was worried he was either A. supposed to be there but locked out in the cold, or B. Up to no good I'd never seen him before and he wasn't dressed very warmly. The cops came out and just talked to him. They later called and said he was apparently just waiting for his friend to come home. I'm glad I called. I wouldn't have wanted him to be locked out in the cold if he had nowhere else to go, and I wouldn't have wanted to be the neighbor later reporting that there was a stranger outside my now burglarized neighbors house for quite some time but I did nothing. I'm glad it wasn't either of those scenarios, but I'm glad I got it checked out. Of course, the teen is probably still talking about the busybody neighbor who called the cops on him for no reason...

I guess I don't understand why you wouldn't just go out and ASK the teen if he needed help? Or maybe a coat to borrow while he waited?

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

The officer spoke to the mom for a few minutes, said something like "but he's only 8! Don't you know that's dangerous!" when she told him he had permission to walk home by himself, but then the officer left without calling CPS.

This reminds me of an encounter I had with a police officer when I was a young adult. I used to love to use thirty mintues of my lunch hour to take a long, brisk walk through the neighborhood around my place of employment. One day a police car pulled up alongside me and an officer wanted to see my ID.

I didn't have my purse with me, and offered to meet him at my place of employment so I could show him my ID -- but he was able to look me up based on the information I gave and decided that I was okay.

However, I guess he felt he needed to give me his "two cents" about how this wasn't a great neighborhood for me to be out walking around in, because there are a lot of prostitutes (the prostitutes seriously never approached me, LOL, since I never stood in one place long enough for them to worry that I was competing for their spot).

I still don't get this whole mentality that makes some "authorities" advise law-abiding citizens (well, I guess I was breaking the law by not carrying my ID, but you know what I mean) to live in fear and stay inside closed doors. It would've been "healthier" for me to spend my entire lunch break being sedentary?

Now that I am raising two girls in this same neighborhood, I'm well aware that there are those who'd like for me to criminalize my children, to keep them under lock and key chained to the computer and TV set, because, you know, there are prostitutes and drug dealers and really bad people out there.

It's just so dumb to make all the good people stay inside. Plus I think my girls are more likely to have ill-effects from spending all their time under lock and key, than they are to have ill-effects from getting out there and exploring the neighborhood in sensible ways.

And of course what's sensible is going to look different from different people. Let's just respect one another and live and let live more.

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by honeybee

I guess I don't understand why you wouldn't just go out and ASK the teen if he needed help? Or maybe a coat to borrow while he waited?

This is a very good point. I did kind of commiserate with the woman who posted about this, though, because a couple of years ago we were rather repetitively questioned by some neighbors who had their dog stolen right out of their backyard, and then a stereo system stolen out of one of their cars, one day while they were all at work/school.

As the resident stay at home mom, this family seemed to feel that I should have seen or heard or noticed "something." I mean, they questioned me and then they had another neighbor talk to me, and emphasize how they wanted me to call the police in the future.

After an experience like that, you're kind of inclined to think you'll just call the police at the drop of a hat rather than get accused of being the neighbor who was home all day and just "let" her neighbor get robbed. But, really, if you just go out and check on the person you're wondering about, and they're aware that people are watching them, they're pretty unlikely to try to break in and steal something if that was their intention.

In my case, though, it was winter and I was hanging out upstairs in the warmer part of the house with my girls, so I simply didn't see or hear or "wonder about" anything or anybody.

Also, in our neighborhood, I heard of a man who saw something suspicious and called police, but by the time they got there the robbery had already taken place and the thieves were long gone. So if I were truly concerned about a child or anyone, I'd just check on them myself rather than waiting on the police to find that "round tuit," LOL.

[MichaelsSahm]

I struggle with myself on this topic! We live in the city where there have been drug bust, drive by's etc! However, our immediate street has tons and tons of kids! My son is 8 years old who has many friends, but I feel uncomfertable having him play by himself in the front yard of his friends house who lives right next door!
One side of me thinks I should allow him at least that much freedom, but than again I was kidnapped when I was little and remember how fast it can all go. Fortunately I was returned to the place they took me because I raised all kinds of hell.

I can't raise my son in fear. Its so hard to pick what is best in this situation! For me, anyway!

[Arduinna]

Someone actually called the police, and the police actually gave the kid a ride home when he was out playing in the middle of the day? Something is missing from the story, or those neighbors are a bunch of busy bodies. I can't believe the police drove him home for just being out playing. At 8 we had a rule as to how far she could go and that she had to inform us if she was going somewhere other than where we thought she was going.

I am very curious what she said to the police when they brought her kid home.

[bluesky2010]

Originally Posted by honeybee

I guess I don't understand why you wouldn't just go out and ASK the teen if he needed help? Or maybe a coat to borrow while he waited?

Yup, just ask her directly..