Is being a mom "enough"?

[septmommy]

I don't know where to post this, so please move it if you feel it would be better elsewhere....

Warning this will probably be jumbled and all over the place

I am a mom to two wonderful children and a full time (legal custody) step-mom to four more amazing kids. I have been a stay at home mom since my son was born seven years ago. My youngest is starting school in a week and the pressure is on from the outside world to start focusing on myself now. I am blessed to have a trust fund set aside to go back to school so everyone around me keeps saying "Figure out what you love to do and go for it." My response straight from my heart is that I love being a mom. It is my passion. It's what I wanted to be when I grew up ever since I was little. Every time I try to push myself to be passionate about something else I realize I don't love it nearly as much as I do being home all day with my kids. There are practical reasons for me to work. Money is tight, my relationship has gone through some rough patches and I would like to feel capable of supporting myself if need be. Even with those reasons I just want to be a mom. It is where my heart is. I could take a class here or there, but investing money and energy for no real reason seems a waste to me. My mother is insistent that being a mom is not enough to satisfy my own soul, but it really is. What do you think? Is being just a mom "enough"? Am I being lazy? Am I scared to focus on me? Am I setting a bad martyr like example for my kids? Because honestly I feel like staying home and baking cookies and wiping noses provides me with more purpose than I can imagine feeling anywhere else.

[mommariffic]

Hi :]

First off you know best, not anyone else. If being a mother is what makes you tick I say KEEP IT UP! The world needs more mothers that are happy and content doing what they love to do.

Mothering is a job!

[meemee]

Originally Posted by septmommy

I am blessed to have a trust fund set aside to go back to school so everyone around me keeps saying "Figure out what you love to do and go for it." My response straight from my heart is that I love being a mom. It is my passion. It's what I wanted to be when I grew up ever since I was little. Every time I try to push myself to be passionate about something else I realize I don't love it nearly as much as I do being home all day with my kids.

yes and no.

yes it is wonderful to know what you want. no matter what it is.

which you have done.

however you also say your relationship is patchy.

i am pretty sure that's what your mom is concerned about. what if you become a single mom? do you have the skills to make it on your own? comfortably?

being a mom IS enough.

doesnt mean you shouldnt have some training under your belt in case you need to be sole provider. for whatever reason.

[zinemama]

If it's enough for you, that's fine.

However. Do you have any way of supporting yourself and your children if you had to? (widowhood, divorce?). If not, I'd use the money for school, now that you have the time to do so.

[LynnS6]

Wait, you're a mom to 6 children and people want you to do more? (Even if some of your kids are with you part time, you've still got a lot on your plate.) If your youngest is in K, you'll still be spending a lot of time with that child.

You shouldn't base your decision on what others think, it should be on what your heart tells you. There are things I wish I could do for my kids and my kids' school that I can't because I WOH. You can. Rejoice in that.

And maybe, just maybe, after a number of years of hard work being a mom, you deserve a year or so to figure out if this truly is your passion. If it is, then why change?

If you feel the need to branch out, one way to get 'job skills' is to volunteer for something you're passionate about. You're passionate about being a mom. So, do you want to volunteer at your kids' school? Being a LLL leader? Volunteer at a nursery or head start?

[septmommy]

Thank you for your responses. I do feel remiss in not taking the opportunity to become educated and self sufficient. The problem lies in deciding what I would want to pursue, because right now nothing speaks to me. And as Lynns6 points out parenting 6 kids makes for a lot of work so taking on school work just for the sake of having a degree makes it feel overwhelming. I am confident that if I was passionate about something the hours of studying would feel much less daunting.

[lapis]

thanks for posting this... interesting to hear everyone's thoughts.
I'm in a completely different boat but thinking about this a lot.

[nextcommercial]

Eventually, it will stop being enough.

You will want something else. Something that's yours only. Maybe something that's only yours and your husband's. It could be anything from enjoying fitness to off road racing. But, it probably won't include your children. Or anybody's children.

But, when it's time, you will know it. And, when you start to feel like you need something else, go for it. If you don't take advantage at that time, you can't blame anybody. I hear SOOOO many women my age complain that their kids or their husband never let them do *insert activity* When in reality, usually we choose NOT to do it. If you ever get to the point that you are afraid that you are "wasting years", then do something about it.

While you are happy being a mom, then be happy with that! It was the best years of my life. You will know when it's no longer enough.

[maddymama]

Hi mama,
I'd take some time to "relax" and adjust to your youngest going to school. Maybe after a bit of time something will catch your fancy and you will want to go to school and get a degree.
~maddymama

[Dingletwitz]

Why not study kids at the uni? You're great at being a mom, but any mom can always know more about being a mom! It's possible to get a whole degree in Mom, really. Courses in healing, culinary arts, education, fitness, etc., etc. will help you be a supermom. Why not take some of those since you already have a passion for it? I think some people think one must have a "major" or some plan of degree to go to college. Pooh. While you'll be developing your own interests, everyone else will stfu! You never know when something that is inherent to mom-ness will strike you for a lifetime career once your primary momming is through.

[VisionaryMom]

For me, it is not. I never thought my life would satisfying as a result of my relationship to another person.

That doesn't mean that you can't be fulfilled by being a mom, though. The only thing I would caution you to consider is what happens when your kids get older. They won't need you to wipe their noses forever!

MIL stayed home with 5 kids. She apparently had no qualms about that then. A SAHM was something both she & my FIL believed to be vitally important. They prepared themselves financially so that she would be able to stay home if he died young.

She went to work part-time when my youngest BIL was 12 or so in a field completely unrelated to her degree. Now I hear some regret and sadness when she talks about what her life could have been if she'd had a career. I do think she wishes she'd done things differently, but it's only since her children have grown up that she's really had time to think about that. So, I'd really suggest you give some serious thought to what you will do as your children age. How will you spend your days? Will you be happy then?

[Latte Mama]

Don't study in something you're not interested in but you don't have to have a major for quite a while. I think every person but especially those with kids, should have the potential to be be self supporting. Life is full of unplanned things and moms should be prepared to be able to take care of the family in case something happens. My own stepmom was widowed at 40 when my Dad suddenly died young. My mother divorced when we were young as well. Stuff happens.

I've read so many stories where women just get blindsided and it's so sad. Be a great Mom and live your passion but also build your foundation, you can do both!

[septmommy]

Great food for thought. I especially like the idea of doing college a bit unconventionally. My original plan was to take basic liberal arts courses so that I could build on that eventually, but that didn't intrigue me. I love the idea of taking a course here or there on things that really interest me. Even if it leads nowhere I will have fun in the process. It ties in with the idea of relaxing and enjoying where I am now while still expanding my horizons. Thanks!

[lolar2]

I have met some moms who felt as you do, who got degrees in things like education or early childhood education, so that they could watch children at home and/ or work in their children's schools. Then they had a career to occupy them after their children were grown, or to supplement the family income, or to be the breadwinners when their husbands died/ left/ lost their jobs; but they also got to spend plenty of time with their children.

Of course it is possible to watch children in your home without a degree, but with an ECE degree you can switch back and forth between providing in-home daycare and working in a preschool or center, as circumstances change.

[Sorella7]

A motherhood-related career?

If the only thing you feel truly passionate about is mothering, why not investigate careers that use the same "skill set"? Perhaps being a doula or other kind of labor or post-partum assistant, a pediatric nurse (the world always needs more good nurses!), lactation consultant, etc? Or go the nonprofit route and seek out a job with Boys & Girls Club, YM/WCA, etc? There are lots of kids out there who desperately need mothering, and maybe you can help them *and* support yourself. <3

[meemee]

what i would do is look at all GE requirements. and then take one class at a suitable time. look on ratemyprofessors.com to see how interesting they are. there is no need to choose a major now. taking an inspirational professor can really point you to your passion. you dont even have to be interested in the topic. if they truly have a passion they will inspire you to look and 'see' around you. maybe a community college might be a better bet than university. and cheaper too.

i took a class not because i was particularly interested, but because it suited my schedule and it changed my life forever. you want something that challenges you (not in the intellectual way but in the philosophical and values way) and will further open up for more insight.

that is if you do really enjoy the academic setting.

college is not the only way to be self sufficient.

but absolutely dont jump on this right now. just enjoy the free time and breathe.

[Juvysen]

I dunno... I have a bachelors and masters degree and I don't have anything that particularly calls me, but I do *like* some things... I toss around finding something in a field that interests me, but... i dunno, nothing really calls, and my degrees are fairly useless ones, afaik. I might be able to make $20k-30k/yr if I had to? But I'd really be shocked if i could even get that, so... I doubt i could really support us if necessary... at least not the way we're used to living. meh. I dunno.

[lolar2]

You know what else you might want to do, is get some kind of paralegal certificate-- there are night courses and short courses for that kind of thing. Something that would qualify you for a job if you need one, but not eat up years of your life.

[treeoflife3]

Personally, I think being a mom is enough if you feel like it is enough. Only you know what is best for you.

However I do agree that taking classes in things that pertain to little ones would be pretty cool too if you really want to get a degree. Child psychology, early childhood education, nutrition... most things pertain to kids and you could find a path. Of course, you could always just get certified for doing home care and take care of OTHER people's little ones as well so you can still act as a mom (ish hehe) but also have a way of supporting yourself as well as having others be quiet about it.

I definitely think though that something will eventually speak to you. Nothing spoke to me until I realized that I absolutely adore all things childbirth. I want to be a childbirth educator and I also have a huge interest in being a postpartum doula because of how my experiences went. I think eventually you'll find your path as well

for now, I'd enjoy what I enjoy... and if you are already doing it... well then why stop??

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by septmommy

My mother is insistent that being a mom is not enough to satisfy my own soul

Uhm, are we sisters?

My parents were NOT excited when I told them we were expecting number two. Before I found out I was pregnant (at DS's first birthday) my dad made a crack about doing something more with my life than being a birthing center. They're constantly saying I need to do something more with my life and insist I'm just not listening to God. (can you have too many eyeroll smilies?)

The only reason I would take classes would be because I LOVE to learn. I could care less about a degree I'm never going to use. My mom wants me to get my teaching certificate. Her reasons change. She wants me to put my kids in public school and get a job (we plan to homeschool) OR she thinks that the govt will require teaching degrees to homeschool (possible, but I'm not going to freak out about it right now) I can learn on my own time and do so by reading articles and books. That works for me. I don't HAVE to have a formal learning environment and only like to do so for things like govt or literature (discussion things)

Basically, if you're happy and satisfied SCREW EVERYONE ELSE! They can't tell you how to be happy!